A
female
age
41-50,
*ades
writes:I am in a real dilemma and don't know what to do. I am engaged and have been with my fiance for 9 years now and never imagined this horrible nightmare i am now in. We were shopping on the weekend when some girl approached me and said your boyfriend's a cheater. She knew his name and also said that they had sex in his truck. He completely denies all of this and i am making him do a polygraph on the 14th of May? Any suggestions?
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reader, anonymous, writes (2 May 2009): I guess my question is, what are you planning to do if it turns out he's a liar? Because if you take a step this extreme and then don't follow through on the consequences (like breaking up with him) he'll know that in the future he can cheat on you and lie to you and the only thing you'll do is scream at him before forgiving him.
Does the Maury show come on in Canada? Have you ever watched it? Its filled with women making men to take polygraphs, which the men fail, and then after the show is done, those women go right back with the men, only to have to show up again and again to give tests to the men. And why not? The men know that they've been caught cheating and lying in the past and the women never really leave them or do anything except scream, and they figure they can live with that.
So, sure, do the test... but only if you're prepared to do something real once you have the results. That said, I'm also sure you know in your heart of hearts what's going on.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (1 May 2009): I am a court-qualified polygraph expert and handle quite a few "relationship" type exams. Just because he is willing to take it doesn't mean he is planning to be truthful. No one would ever "fail" the exam if that were the case. Make sure your examiner is a member of the American Polygraph Association and has many years of experience with your type of situation. Also keep in mind that the more questions you ask in a polygraph the less accurate the results will be, so keep them to a bare minimum (one is best).
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female
reader, Dazed~Confused +, writes (30 April 2009):
 It depends on which type of polygraph test is administered. The ones used by law enforcement in the States are easier to beat than those in Canada. However, it's not like you're going to be doing this at a police station. So, you need to find out exactly what test is being administered. Also, don't forget that the results are interpreted...not guaranteed. So, make sure the person administering it has lots of experience.
Regardless of what type of test is used, polygraphs measure physiological responses to questions. Very few people are successful at beating them. Those that due are true liars, sociopaths, who don't react as normal people do.
The fact that you are going so far as to have him take a polygraph test is telling though. Do you want to have a relationship with someone that you have to go to such extremes to trust? And, is this going to have to be something you do every time an issue comes up?
Are you prepared to accept the results?
Go with your gut.
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (30 April 2009): Might want to Google "polygraph test" to find out about accuracy and if you can cheat while taking them.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (30 April 2009): get him to take the polygraph test. my brother in law was a truck driver and he too swore that he did not do anything wrong. we recently found out that had an affair for 8 years.
i think it is reverse psychology your b/f is using - telling you that he would take one in the hope that he appears truthful.
where there is smoke there is fire. rather investigae and be sure that nothing was wrong than to be in doubt for years to come.
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male
reader, Harry Castle  +, writes (29 April 2009):
 Why not get HER to take the test? That way, you won't seriously offend your boyfriend.
Harry
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (29 April 2009): If you've got through nine years and nothing like this has happened before then why do you believe her? She could have her own reasons for saying such a thing. Ask him who she is, how he knows her and why he thinks she said such a thing.
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male
reader, Denizen +, writes (29 April 2009):
 If he is lying does it make a difference to you? Can you live with the fact he has sex with another and won't admit it? It could be that he doesn't want to risk ending the relationship with you by owning up.All that aside why are you engaged so long? I simply don't understand the purpose of being engaged 9 years. It is time to put some changes in place.
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male
reader, PM +, writes (29 April 2009):
 As I guy, I'd be offended by such a request. Take a step back and look at this situation for a moment.
This is the man that you have spent 9 years of your life with and plan to marry and build a future with, but you are willing to put his word up against that of a random woman you do not know. What is going to happen 5 years from now when he tells now when he comes home late one night and tells you that he was working but you suspect otherwise? Will you force him to take a polygraph because of that? If you do not trust him then he's not the man for you.
Also, a polygraph is not 100% accurate. There is a possibility (although I do not know what the likelihood is) of it giving a false reading. Keep that in mind.
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female
reader, niki20  +, writes (29 April 2009):
 make him do it. girls just dont randomly approach a guys g/f and knows all that stuff or says that for no reason. good for you doing that.
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female
reader, griffingirl +, writes (29 April 2009):
I think you should make him do it- he won't mid if he's got nothing to hide. It could have been a joke because she is jealous of you!! If something bad has happened to him recently then I would question him- they say sex is oten used to relieve sadness and depression.
I don't think I'd do a ploygraph because I trust and love my boyfriend more than anything in the world!!
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reader, anonymous, writes (29 April 2009): To be honest I would do the polygraph too if you are very insecure about this and you are obviously shaken by this sudden approach by this girl.
I think its a good idea however how does your fiance feel about this? Is he ok with it or is he hurt you do not believe him? If he is ok with this then it should go fine as he may be telling the truth as theres a good chance the polygraph test will detect him lying and if hes not afraid of facing the test then he may be telling the truth when he denies it. However he may be hurt you do not believe him. If so just explain to him that you are very scared of this and would like to take the test just to prove to yourself that he is faithful.
good luck and keep us updated on how it goes!
xxx
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