A
female
age
30-35,
*harlotte19
writes:Ok so I met a guy in April met at a nightclub he was 24 we hit it off got together but within about a month weird things started uhappening he kept having serious accidents I couldn't get thru to his phone he could only call me he claimed it was a bad signal problem we had sex the majority of the times that I saw him but we got on really well we really liked eachother etc. About a month ago hes in hospital with a broken jaw which means I can't see him until it heals. He sent me an xray of his jaw from the hospital and at the top it says d.o.b 21/10/1982 which if u do the math means he's not 24 he's actually near enough 30 so I immediately bring it up with him the next time we spoke he just says 'oh' at first, he doesnt really say much for a while I ask him y he lied he says I dnt kno, he also says tht he didn't mean for me find put this way and he's sorry but he doesn't want to loose me. Now basically this guy is all talk no action. Wen we meet up he only comes to my place his flat burned down and he was living with a friend so I couldnt go see him. I have not seen wat his life is like since I met him. He says he has a good job wants me to move in with him to his new place with him when he's recovered from the broken jaw. Somehow I don't believe him. So my question to you guys is..can I trust this man and is 30 too old for a girl of 19 ? Reply to this Question
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female
reader, HappyPlace +, writes (25 November 2011):
 In answer to your question I think a 30 year old man is too old for a girl of 19. And to the guy that answered saying "don't let it put you off other 30 year olds" is just plain CREEPY. He's probably watched too much porn and finds a young girl like that attractive - yuck!! I have god-daughters who are around that age and they are extremely childish in their views. Whilst they might look grown up, they've still a lot of living to do and dating a 30 year old man is not one of them. You are miles apart in where you are in your life so stick to guys nearer your age. It's apparent that all this guy wants from you is sex and that's what any 30 year old man wants from a young girl, because really they will have nothing else in common. And in agreement with everyone else, it sounds like this guy is already married and is using you for sex!!
A
male
reader, Guyu +, writes (24 November 2011):
I thought you might like to hear from an actual 30 year old male. You have two questions:Is it right for a 30 year old to date a 19 year old? - If two mature adults are honest with each other and both are aware of the practical problems in dating someone who may not be settled in their life yet, then whether it's for a proper relationship or an FWB thing then I think that's ok - a generation ago, 19 year old girls regularly got married, and their are parts of the world that it's actually still the norm.Can you trust this particular 30 year old? - Helllllllll Noooooooooo!The previous posters have already pointed out numerous holes in his story, and family issues. I also wanted to add the most important point - you don't actually trust him yourself! That's why you posted the question here. Your instincts are telling he's wrong for you, but you also display honorable qualities of giving him a chance and maybe wanting to help so you've come to this forum to get your instincts validated!Also he knows you don't trust him - he felt the need to send you a xray! If I'm injured or ill my friends and colleagues usually just take my word for it!You said it yourself he's all talk and no action. You know what needs to be done, dump him and go seek out one of the "never had a gf" guys who regularly post on these forums, who would be so grateful to have to have such nice girl by their side!Good luck (and I hope you're not put off other 30 year olds).PS please don't let this experience make you cynical about men - this guy isn't worth changing yourself over.
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A
male
reader, Guyu +, writes (24 November 2011):
I thought you might like to hear from an actual 30 year old male. You have two questions:Is it right for a 30 year old to date a 19 year old? - If two mature adults are honest with each other and both are aware of the practical problems in dating someone who may not be settled in their life yet, then whether it's for a proper relationship or an FWB thing then I think that's ok - a generation ago, 19 year old girls regularly got married, and their are parts of the world that it's actually still the norm.Can you trust this particular 30 year old? - Helllllllll Noooooooooo!The previous posters have already pointed out numerous holes in his story, and family issues. I also wanted to add the most important point - you don't actually trust him yourself! That's why you posted the question here. Your instincts are telling he's wrong for you, but you also display honorable qualities of giving him a chance and maybe wanting to help so you've come to this forum to get your instincts validated!Also he knows you don't trust him - he felt the need to send you a xray! If I'm injured or ill my friends and colleagues usually just take my word for it!You said it yourself he's all talk and no action. You know what needs to be done, dump him and go seek out one of the "never had a gf" guys who regularly post on these forums, who would be so grateful to have to have such nice girl by their side!Good luck (and I hope you're not put off other 30 year olds).PS please don't let this experience make you cynical about men - this guy isn't worth changing yourself over.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (24 November 2011): The Guy is an emotional train wreck, time bomb. He is NOT healthy and with this, he isn't happy and can't make healthy adult decision.
Thus why he lies, he cheats, he uses.
How many Aunts does it take to tell an OP to NOT date a Loser?
How are you attracted to 'resucing' him or 'fixing' him or 'loving' him because his Mommy didn't?
Don't feel sorry for him, feel sorry for yourself.
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female
reader, amethystsouls +, writes (24 November 2011):
 Married! Sorry hun, but something is not right here! WALK AWAY and quickly!
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female
reader, So_Very_Confused  +, writes (24 November 2011):
 I agree with everyone else. his age is not the problem.
his lies are
his manipulation is
the fact that you sleep with him and yet only on his terms is.
a broken jaw? and you can't see him.. crock of well you know ....
when my partner was 19 I was 32 I have no problem with age gap relationships
i do have a problem with folks that lie.
i do have a problem with folks that compartmentalize their lives and keep their sex partners separate... because it means they have no respect for you, they are lying etc etc etc...
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (24 November 2011): yes he is. im 24 now but at 22 l dated a 38 year old man and boy l can tell you a lot. he was a player and practically lived a life of lies, claiming this and that and a lot of empty promises. he'd manipulate me and i'd end up feeling sorry for him and all he did. he was controlling and always made decisions for me, did not listen to me or care bout what l wanted just slept with me even if l did not want. we wer just worlds apart, he was old and did not understand me. DANGER!!! run before its too late!
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female
reader, charlotte19 +, writes (24 November 2011):
charlotte19 is verified as being by the original poster of the question A few of you have asked a lot about his family. He is not in contact with his family. his mum threw him out wen he was 17 because of a gf of his she did not like she told him to make a decision it was either his family or the gf he didn't make a decision so she made it for him. I dnt know if the reason why they dnt speak is true but I know he is not in contact with any of them because when he was round my house one day he was very stressed because he said he had bumped into his mum for the first time in years the other day, she didn't want to speak to him but he eventually convinced her to take his number and call him. She called him while he was at mine he had her on loudspeaker so I could hear her talking about everything. But they still arent really in contact so I'm unlikely to meet his family his mums a lesbian and she left his dad wen my bf was young so he doesn't know where his dad is.
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female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (24 November 2011):
 Answer to first question : no. Obviously.
Why did he not allow to visit him in the hospital ? it was a broken jaw, not Intensive Care Unit !
Why can't you visit him at his friend 's ? I understand that he may not want you to spend the night there, but there's no reason he couldn't invite a gf or a date there for a quick coffee or drink, or just to show her where he lives.
He is very careful to keep you at a safety distance, and you may be sure he has his own undisclosed reasons.
Answer to second question : perhaps yes, but that's irrelevant. The problem with this guy is not that he is 30, is that he is a slick manipulative liar !
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reader, anonymous, writes (24 November 2011): Age gaps are not the problem here I'm 25 and my boyfriend is 35 the question is here can you trust him enough to move in you have never seen what his life is like I would not move in with him until you know him better
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (24 November 2011): Whoa this man comes across as a compulsive liar! I wouldn't believe even his flat burned down, it's a bit odd that being his girlfriend you can't even see him at his friends house.
It's not the age gap that matters, I know people who have a bigger age difference than that, but I would seriously question if this guy already had a gf or wife because of his story telling!
I would strongly advise against moving in with him, the lie about his age you could have got over if you knee where he lived, had met his family etc... But you are 19 and have so much time ahead of you. You don't want a relationship involving doubt at your age it should be fun.
Tell him you enjoyed your time together but you feel the relationship has ran it's course, don't regret your tine with him but treat is as one of life's lessons. You deserve someone who wants to show you off to all their friends and family and cook you dinner....not pretend their flat burned down and lie about their age!
Best of luck x
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A
male
reader, Lancer500 +, writes (24 November 2011):
 Hi, I could not count the number of unknown or questions you have. If you think about it as a car you were to buy...what if i said it was 3 yrs old not 6 yrs old then it is in the shop getting fixed and before it is fixed i need the money now and you can test drive it only once you bought it. Is there something wrong? if not, boy do I have a car for you!Sorry to be so critical and sarcastic. To find out who is first for real ask for these things before you move in:1. Let me read all your texts on your cell phone2. Show me who you work with at work...have him take you there to supposedly "show you off"3. Run a background check on him...costs $20 See his credit rating, arrests, divorced?4. Meet his parents and siblings5. See how his parents treat each other..cause that is how he will treat you.If he says yes to all above, you have my permission to move in! Remember that car deal...ya gotta test drive first!As for age difference, you sound infatuated...which means you are reacting to something other than the facts of the relationship which is potentially harmful/painful to yourself and/or him.Suggestion: go out two more years...if all works out including above points, age should not be a barrier.
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A
female
reader, maverick494 +, writes (24 November 2011):
Let me rephrase the situation
"So I met this guy who said [insert lie, excuse, lie, lie, excuse, lie, lie, lie, lie] can I trust him?"
Answer: No honey, you can't. Lying = NOT trustworthy.
Please don't be naive. The fact you're even considering sticking with him shows you're too young for him. The dude has been more than a decade longer on this planet than you. There's no way you can make up for that. He's using you and stringing you along like your brain is made out of jello. Please don't be that girl. Don't be so gullible when the evidence is right in front of you. Admitting this to yourself is hard and painful, but if you do, you'll show you have more maturity than I thought.
I don't mean to be harsh but it breaks my heart every time I read about good people getting taken advantage of by manipulative a-holes.
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female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (23 November 2011):
 He's one slick liar! I think he's married too. Lots and lots of creative lies. Follow him home one day. I expect you'll be unpleasantly surprised.
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female
reader, mizz.butterflies +, writes (23 November 2011):
 hes married.
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reader, anonymous, writes (23 November 2011): You know you can't trust this guy. He lied about his age to get into your knickers. Then only puts forth effort to see you to get into your knickers.His flat burned down? He has no place to live but wants you to move in with him- where?Okay you know this is all smelling of BS so you KNOW already, you don't trust him. He has shown he lies, he has demonstrated he doesn't really know you- its a sex based relationship.Why the heck would a 19 year old, has her life before her want to date what sounds like a freaking loser??You can still meet an honest, loving, younger man that will be accountable, have a job, and still have great sex.Its not he's too old- it's he a lying ahole no good BUM!
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reader, anonymous, writes (23 November 2011): "Somehow I don't believe him."
Neither do I.
I think 30 is too old for you, but I also think that is the least of your worries with him. He is lying about way too many things and he is probably married or involved with multiple women and who knows what else.
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A
female
reader, mammaboo +, writes (23 November 2011):
 No you cannot trust him he has lied about his age and is probably lying about everything else. You could have visited him in hospital except his wife or girlfriend may have been there.He is playing you hun!
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female
reader, desirewhitefire  +, writes (23 November 2011):
 Eh, he probably told you he was younger just to get in your pants. And yeah, I think the age gap is too great. Looking back when I was 19, I thought I knew everything but I didn't know shit, and I'm close to 30 now. You two won't have much in common, and you're both in different places as far as development goes. That's just my opinion though. I dated older when I was that age and it NEVER worked.
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