A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I had a fight with my girlfriend because I suspected she was cheating on me with several men and I put her out of the house. Then she called me saying that she loves me very much, wants me back and wishes to marry me.But I traced this phone call and I found it belongs to a man, same age as me. I said to her that I knew everything and I called her a slut. She changed her mobile number, deleted all her accounts on email and skype, so that I couldn't contact her... and never contacted me again.But I spend all day long, everyday and every minute of the day, thinking about her. I don't know what to do.Will she try to have me back? When?What should I do about all this? I feel lost and confused. Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (24 February 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionDear Sha9991,I can sense wisdom in your replies. Thanks!I would like to ask you this...Because she deleted all her email accounts and changed mobile nr, for me not to have any way to contact her, and as she lives in another city, where she is now with the new man (and the others she has sex with at the same time), what do you think she will do?And I have more questions that are troubling my mind day and night:1. why does a woman say to a man that she loves him and then goes to have sex with another one?2. Is she thinking about me while having sex with the other?3. Does she feel right in this?4. Does she think about me while with the new man (the same way I think about her alone)?5. Is it easier for her to be with the new man, or more difficult?(I ask this because for me is much more difficult to be with other girls if I'm thinking in another one, as I think much more, and that's why I can't cheat. I feel very bad and guilty, for the previous one and the new one)THANK YOU!P.S.Anyone else can reply as well
A
female
reader, sha9991  +, writes (23 February 2011):
I will explain what I meant by that last sentence,you have to make a choice,if you think she can ever be trust again? if you want to give her a second chance with your heart again?,you would have to rebuild your relationship all over a again,start a fresh,but only if you are willing to forgive and forget? and for her to be completly faithful to you,and build back your trust again!
With her saying you are the man of her dreams and she wants babies with you,why wouldn't she? you have treated her well and have been faithful to her and a good boyfriend! She has realised what she had and now wants you back! Like they say you don't know what you got until it's gone!
All the best! :)
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (23 February 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the question"I am sure she would jump at a second chance with you,but she would have to build back your trust slowly overtime."
I'm confused about this reply, here.
What should I think about a woman that says...
"I love you, you're the man of my dreams, I want to marry you and have babies with you..."
...and, at the same time is being fucked in the ass while she sends me these messages, and runs to the penis of another guy when I send her away for suspicions of cheating?
I really don't know what to think about all this.
I've been very sick with all this story.
Please, everyone, comment freely !!!
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A
female
reader, sha9991 +, writes (21 February 2011):
Her vanishing is a sign of guilt,pure and simple! She knows she treated you badly and you didn't deserve it!
The chances of her contacting you are very unlikely,cuz she knows you will tell her were to go,and call her all the names under the sun and quite rightly too!
Only you know how you feel about this lady,could she cheat again? and if you could save your relationship,some relationships can be alot stronger after a affair or affairs! But what you need to do is seriously think,is do you want her back? Can you ever forgive her? If the answer is no? then move on, to someone who can be faithful,but if the answer is maybe in time,I am sure she would jump at a second chance with you,but she would have to build back your trust slowly overtime.
All the best! :)
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (20 February 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionIf I traced the phonecall and I asked her who he is and she answered: "what are you talking about?" isn't obvious she is cheating???
Don't I have the right to call her a slut?
If she dissappears like this, isn't she proving that she was catched?
Some replies here are confusing and too different.
My question is...
What does this vanishing from planet earth means here?
Is she pulling one more game to trap me or she will really dissapear?
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (19 February 2011): dude the same, this happened to me. you just have to leave her alone... if she misses you, she will come back. if not, then she wasn't worth it.
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A
female
reader, TEM +, writes (19 February 2011):
 I am sorry you still have such strong feelings for this woman. The truth is that, even if you do get back together, the relationship will be forever changed. You will never trust her.
It is obvious that she got upset when you called her a slut. Now, she does not want you to find her. I think it is too late to put this one back together. Too much damage has been done by both parties.
You will need to move on. I don't see that you have much choice. In the long run, I have a feeling you will see this as a good thing. Suspecting a woman of being with "several" guys while living with you is no foundation on which to build a solid relationship.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (19 February 2011): What exactly did you know? It seems you care enough about her to fly off the handle and call her a slut, not a very nice thing to say is it? This doesn't seem like a relationship built on a lot of trust, and by her actions of deleting all her mail and changing her phone number maybe you should take a hint an just forget about her...and next time try not to jump to conclusions and lie...you will regret it later, especially as your conclusions are not based on any fact. Good luck.
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A
female
reader, melomat  +, writes (19 February 2011):
 If you really love her go to her let her know how you feel. It sounds like she still loves you. Just be brave and fight for your relationship with her. Just be very careful if she had relations with other men you don't want to end up sick and lose your life because you couldn't move on. Look at things real careful before you act
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A
female
reader, janniepeg  +, writes (19 February 2011):
 You don't want a slut back but at the same time you feel a terrible loss because you are so used to being with each other. It's a relationship you miss, and not her. You lost her at the moment she felt like cheating. Why would she want to go back to a man she would cheat on and why would you want her back? Here you have someone who doesn't communicate well and shuts down completely when confronted. Her response did not show any remorse. Is this someone you want to build a life with? She silently admitted she did cheat but did not really care about your feelings, and only said things to keep you there. She will try to have you back when she realizes what she's missing, or when her fling ends things with her. Being cheated on can be the worst feeling. You may wonder what you did to cause this. There is never an excuse to cheat and it's not fair leaving the other person hanging. If you believe you are a good person, did everything right then just leave it at that and move on. If you think there is something you have to work on then don't repeat mistakes you made with the next girlfriend.
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A
male
reader, epicureansage +, writes (19 February 2011):
If your suspicions were correct (seems they were), then you really are better off with her. It may sound odd, but I say these are ONLY feelings that you're having about her - "feelings" can be misleading, and themselves misled. Stay strong, keep busy, use your head - you will find with time that feeling will follow reason. You know you deserve better than to be two-timed, and treated like a clown - you KNOW this. Build on this. Be well.
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A
female
reader, sha9991 +, writes (19 February 2011):
Hi,
I am so sorry to hear that! :( You court her out simple as! She wanted her cake and eat it! But you found out! You are saying will she have you back? Are you serious? it should really be the other way around! Do you really want a cheater back? If yes,why did you juck her out then? cuz you know that she is a no good cheater and you deserve a women to be faithful to you!
Of course you are confused,hurt,up-set and you should be, but it will pass in time,this is when you need your family and friends the most,in time you will find someone else,who will be faithful and you will realise she did you a favor,but you won't see that at the moment!
All the best for the future! :)
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A
male
reader, firstlovelastlove +, writes (19 February 2011):
 As Ricky Ricardo would say "Lucy! You gotta lotta esplainin' to do". Your actions were horrible. In my opinion I don't think she'll come back.
BUT . . . if she does come back you need to restore her dignity and love her for the woman she is. We all make all kinds of different mistakes.
In the meantime maybe if you're on a social networking site you could change your heading IMMEDIATELY to "I was an ass". I have found humour goes a long way in matters of the heart.
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