A
male
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:My ex-girlfriend is dating someone new, and the new guy just happens to be her ex boyfriend from college. I wouldn't think this would bother me since our relationship ended 6 months ago, but it is. I knew we were having problems for the 3 years or so we were dating, but didn't know we were broken up till I found out she was having relations with her ex (6 months ago). I approached her about it and she said "It doesn't matter because we are not seeing each other". since then we have stayed fwb and we still work in the same office together. I have been very cool with her, but inside I am hurt. I know looking back on our relationship that things were wrong on many levels and I should be glad that she is with someone else now, but my logical side is at war with my emotional side. Thanks for reading my post
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (20 February 2011): Thanks for your input and each one of you are right. my gut told me for some time that there was something else going on behind my back. she didn't treat me with any respect and i respect myself more than to be a fwb when her man isn't around. I can be all busness at work, so that shouldn't be any problem. i feel so hurt by her because i put so much into our relationship and in the end it was for nothing
A
female
reader, TEM +, writes (19 February 2011):
 In time your broken heart will heal. In three years you can have a lot of emotion invested in a relationship. You will get over her, but it won't happen overnight, and it won't happen at all if you remain fwb with her. That is just rubbing salt in the wound. You must end that.
My advice is to shake things up in your life. By that I mean change as many of the things that remind you of her as you can. Join a gym and bring a new playlist of music. Go to different cafes, shops, etc.
And by all means find another girl to date. This one is not the one for you. Find one that is not sleeping with her ex-boyfriend from college for goodness sake. The quickest way to get over her is to find someone new. Remember, "Living well is the best revenge."
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A
female
reader, hpoco  +, writes (19 February 2011):
 Sounds like you two had a messy relationship if she was able to get with another guy when you were "together" and just claim you weren't seeing each other, and you were more or less ok with it. I am guessing there is more to this story, because if you two were truly together, I imagine this would not have been so easy for her to assert.
You need to decide if you really want her or not. If you don't want her, break it off. No more fwb stuff. If you continue it will probably keep hurting you. If you do want her, tell her you want to be her boyfriend, meet her parents, talk about the future and the whole shebang. Be a real couple that can't just silently break up with one another.
Good luck to you...
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A
male
reader, Capri2  +, writes (19 February 2011):
Well, did you think about the chance that she may have cheated on you during the whole relationship?
I mean, you found out she was cheating on you six months ago. But it was her ex boyfriend. That means a big chance that she was cheating since the beginning. And may be that's what bothers you so much. Possible at an unconscious mind level.
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A
female
reader, OhGetReal +, writes (19 February 2011):
 Good grief your logical side is at war with your emotionally dependent side...she has broken up with you and is with someone else (doesn't matter who) and you still remained fwb and work in the same office?
The reason you are bothered is because you are still keeping track of her for one, and you are still having sex with her, it is not about the ex boyfriend she is with now, this is about you.
STop focusing on her at all, you can't go back, why would you want too? She sounds dishonest, and kind of flakey, and this relationship with her ex won't last either, but why should you care, it's over, three years is long enough to waste on a dead end relationship.
If you can ask to be transfered or find a new job, get away from her and cut off all contact...so you can move OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOONNNNNNNNNN
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