A
female
age
30-35,
*easuresocks
writes:I am 8 Weeks pregnant but I am only 20 years old. I have no clue whether or not I am going to keep this baby. I know that there are plenty of younger mothers these days, but I never intended in being one of them. When I was younger I always criticized young mothers, because there are so many birth control methods. I am really disappointed in myself for getting in this position. But now I just need help in making a decision. I told my boyfriend and he's definitely pushing an abortion. I know he loves me and that he'll stay with me no matter what, but his family is very traditional.I also told my mother and she really wants me to keep it. She had me at 40 and she feels that waiting too long to have children makes you miss out on a lot of things with them. She's willing to help with anything the baby needs. I don't have girlfriends or anyone who can give me actual advice. I just have two people pulling me in different directions.I want the baby. I know I can handle having a baby, going to school and having a job. I am very confident that I can do it. But I am still considering abortion because I am afraid of how people are going to view me. And I feel that I might get fired from my current job for being pregnant. Please help me make this decision! Should I keep my baby or not?
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female
reader, Dayzy  +, writes (17 January 2013):
How lucky you are that your Mum is supportive. That means if you want to keep your baby it will be so much easier. There are also lots of women who would say how lucky you are because they can never have a baby. You already know this is your decision so I will just write my experience. I fell pregnant in 1973 at 20 years of age. The father and my friends said I should have an abortion but I wanted the baby. Thankfully my Mum was excited. She helped me get on my feet during the first 6 months and then I went it alone, sharing accomodation with nice girlfriends who loved my daughter. A couple of years later I married and had two sons. My daughter is now nearly 40 and she has two beautiful sons, my grandsons. I love them all with all my heart. I don't know how it would go for you, but as I said you're lucky that your Mum wants to help you.
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female
reader, mrswaldhauser  +, writes (16 January 2013):
 This is totally your decision hun. Nobody else can do this for you. All I can say is that I got pregnant in February last year. My circumstances were a little different. I had been living with my partner (then fiancee) for 14 months at the time and we were and still are madly in love. We lived in a very small flat and I had big ideas about our future careerwise and moving to another country. My now husband had proposed just the month before and we were due to get married the following year when we found out we were expecting our little girl. We were very panicky at the beginning.I in fact cried for an hour after reading the test in the bathroom. I was so scared and didn't know what to do as we didn't have much money and where we lived was far to small for us nevermind a baby. But we sat down and talked and decided that all the reasons we came up with were not good enough to let this baby go. So instead, we told our families who were thrilled. It was a little earlier than intended which I think upset my mum to start with as she had planned a very extravagant wedding for the following year. However, once everybody had calmed down and we started thinking of what we would do we jumped into action. 2 months later we found a bigger apartment which suited our needs, financially we sorted ourselves out and we got married that summer instead of the following so that our baby would be born into a marriage(which believe me, makes paperwork at the hospital ten times easier) and so that we would't have to worry about planning a wedding whilst we had a baby. After all the worry and heartache we now have our beautiful little girl and I cannot imagine my life without her. I myself was 22 when I fell pregnant, so not much older than yourself. I think personally if I hadnt have had such a strong and loving partner by my side I would have definitely struggled to raise her by myself because my family live all over the world and I would have been almost alone. But as you have said your mum is thrilled and wants to help you as much as she can. I wouldn't worry too much about your boyfriends family and how they will react towards this baby because many a baby has brought a family together.I'm not saying it will work out this way but it might. As a woman sadly we have to choose to have a fantastic career or become a mother. Some amazing mothers even manage both! But it's really all down to you. If you think you are not ready then you wouldn't be any different to millions of other women having babies right now. I certainly was very unsure all the way through the pregnancy but now I could not imagine my life any different. The fact that your boyfriend is making you feel you should lean towards abortion is not very nice. He should have just said "I will support you whatever your decision" because at the end of the day, you didn't make this baby yourself did you? You need to concentrate on you and this baby, nobody else. Forget what everyone else has been telling you because if you keep this baby and when that baby arrives it will become the center of your universe and the most important person in the world. Men come and go but children are forever.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (16 January 2013): Don't listen to anyone else, if you want this baby then you should have it.
Having regret after an abortion would be horrible, but then again so would having a baby that you really don't want.
This will change your life majorly, so think carefully!
I personally terminated a pregnancy when I was 16, and I knew it was the right decision for me.
Good Luck
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female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (16 January 2013):
 @anon female reader : that's not what the law says. I don't see why any woman should be more " moral " than the laws of her country.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (16 January 2013): Make the decision that YOU can live with.You said you are fearful of what others will think of you but honestly, in the grand scheme of things what others think means nothing. As you get older you will realise that.Sounds to me like you want the baby. Life will always be harder as a parent then life when carefree but children bring a lot of reward too. If you can manage juggling life a little then i imagine you can handle this. Plus you said you would have your mother's support. You won't be alone doing it.I had a baby at 24 and thought myself way too young - i though about abortion too but i decided i'd regret a life more without my child than a life with my child. You have to think about that, would you regret an abortion? Can you handle looking back with guilt and questions of "what if you had done this instead?". Think about it. Like i said, its something YOU have to live with, no one else so only you can decide.
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female
reader, confusedj12  +, writes (16 January 2013):
Don't worry about what other people may think of you. It's not like your a 13 year old girl. Don't let your boyfriend pressure you either. Dont let anyone. Just remember, it is completely YOUR decision. You said yourself that you want the baby and think you can handle it all. If that's how you really feel, then be happy about the choice. Your choice. Your just obviously worried bc this was an unexpected surprise and the two of you aren't married or anything. But that's ok. Life doesn't always care about what order we plan for things. Things just happen sometimes but we deal with it and go along with life. If you decide to instead get an abortion, then that is your choice. Don't do it just bc ur scared people will judge you or bc ur bfs family is 'traditional'. Also, you can not get fired from a job bc your pregnant! That is illegal in most places. A lot of times too some woman wait till they are close to 3 months (the end of the first term) then they tell their bosses. Everything will turn out ok for you. No matter what you decide. Just remember...do what feels right in YOUR heart! It's a tough decision. If u don't want to go through with it, then do that bc that's what u want. And if u decide to keep it, it sounds like your mother will be there to support u and help u out. And I'm sure she will be there for u even if u abort. You should also maybe try going to a women's health clinic or something and talking to a counselor. It might help quite a bit. Good luck though with your decision.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (16 January 2013): It's your body so it's entirely your decision so if you want the baby you should keep it. However, if you want the baby but your boyfriend doesn't, then if you end up keeping it realize that it's your decision and yours only, not his, and therefore you should release him from any obligations to you and the child. I would hope he would stick by his obligations voluntarily, but since keeping the baby is only your decision and not his, then you should be prepared to do it without his help. (I believe we should all make decisions for ourselves and not force our decisions on other people. So if other people don't want to participate in the decision you made for yourself, then you shouldn't expect them or force them to. And yes even though it took two of you to create a pregnancy, whether to keep the baby or not is a separate decision point.)
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (15 January 2013): " I am afraid of how people are going to view me" people are constantly judging so don't be concerned with what other people will say, if your mum and bf will back you up and you want to have the baby then go for it, You can regret having an abortion later or you can never get pregnant again, expecting for the best moment or the right man or until your career allows it, and I'm all for better regret what you've done than what you didn't, it's good when you have children young because you'll be able to "have your life back" soon when they go to school etc, have more energy to play with them, see your grandchildren growing up, things like that, there are disadvantages like all things as well, you'll probably have to deny yourself of some things, sometimes material things in order to provide for your child, and they're very time consuming,but all in all if you think you're capable of handling it don't get too concerned about what others will say. Best of luck and congrats!
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female
reader, jadedpearl +, writes (15 January 2013):
 I am 20 as well. There are a lot girls that I graduated high school with who already have a baby and are pregnant with their second. I honestly do seem a little disappointed that they did not finish school, or get married first, but a lot of things happen in life that are unexpected! Your decision should not be based on other people's reactions. are If you choose to abort the baby you will live with the "what if" voice inside your head for the rest of your life. I hope you make the best decision for YOU and YOU only. Like the other users have said, your boyfriend already made his choice....getting you pregnant. Good luck to you.
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reader, anonymous, writes (15 January 2013): Oh and congratulations by the way.
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reader, anonymous, writes (15 January 2013): OP when it comes down to to and your family and your potential child, is how people see you really that important? Really? You're not some airhead teenager on benefits and crack, you're a grown woman, ready, willing, able and with the support of your family more than capable of raising a healthy, happy child.
"I want the baby. I know I can handle having a baby, going to school and having a job. I am very confident that I can do it."
You've already made your decision. Stick to it. Honestly OP, can you really imagine aborting that child inside you? Does the thought of removing what soon may be a beautiful little baby from your body really fill your heart with joy? I honestly just can't see how aborting a baby you want to keep and are overjoyed at the prospect of having is going to do anything other than completely devastate you.
I'm pro-choice all the way, and you already made your choice OP. Your body, your baby, you want it, so you're keeping it. If he didn't want a baby he shouldn't have cum inside you. His opinion will be noted but he doesn't get a say, he had his say and he chose to get you pregnant.
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reader, anonymous, writes (15 January 2013): I am 20 as well, so I really understand how do you feel right now. There were times when I thought I might be pregnant and it always made me think, would is the right think to do. The only conclusion I came to is- I HAVE NEVER HEARD OF ANYONE WHO REGRETS KEEPING THE CHILD, but there are so many women that stay frustrated by the abortion and cant really get through that for the rest of their life. And still, there is a possibility of adoption and I think it is much better option. I guess right now you are searching also at the abortion web pages, so I recommend you to search some pages about the childless couples and maybe that will help you to look at your situation differently.I know it is hard. But it is your life, your child and you are the only person who can decide about life or death of this child. Be brave, madam. And even thought we´ve never met and we will probably never meet, I can assure you, tonight and next 7 months, I will be thinking about you and praying for you and your child. Dont worry. I know this August you will get the greatest gift life can reward you with. After looking at that tiny body and innocent eyes you will now, yeah, I made the right decision.
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female
reader, k_c100 +, writes (15 January 2013):
 These words, from your own post, tell you what you need to do: "I want the baby"
That means if you have an abortion, or give the child up for adoption, you will regret it for the rest of your life and that will be very hard for you to live with. It is not the ideal situation, and you are going to bring a child into this world knowing the father doesnt want the child - but at the end of the day the baby is inside you, and it is your choice what to do.
Who cares what people think of you, chances are most of the people you know currently wont be in your life in 10 years time so they are completely irrelevant. When you are old and look back on life you are not going to sit there thinking 'I wish I aborted my child because a few people were nasty to me'.
Yes some people are going to judge you for being a young mom, as you said yourself you know its not a good thing what you have done and you are disappointed in yourself. but the main thing now is to accept that this is your situation, and you have to do the right thing for you - what is right for you isnt going to be right for everyone else, but at the end of the day if you have the support of your family then nothing else matters.
Be prepared for your boyfriend to leave you as well, I know that is a horrible thing to say but in my experience when men have a child forced upon them that they didnt want and were not mature enough to handle, they try and stick it out for a bit but will eventually feel too bogged down with responsibility and they will leave. Yes he might remain in the child's life, but a relationship and a child will probably prove too much, he will only be able to do 1 out of the 2.
Legally you cannot be fired for being pregnant, although it does all depend on what job you do and what it says about pregnancy in your contract. If you are only in a part time casual job you may not be entitled to maternity pay and they may be able to offer the job to someone else when you leave to have your baby. But they will still have to employ you up until you choose to leave to have the baby, they cant fire you unless being pregnant makes you completely incapable of doing your job.
And as much as you think you are wonderwoman and will be able to go to school, have a child and have a job - that simply is not going to happen. The child will take over your life, in so many ways, so you will just about be able to fit school in but if you had a job as well as school the child would never see you and you would be completely reliant on 24/7 childcare most days of the week. When do you plan on doing homework as well as having a job and a baby?
You are expecting WAY too much from yourself, school and a baby will be a huge challenge so work is going to have to be forgotten about until the child is old enough to go to school, or you are in a position where your career is guaranteed to earn you enough to afford constant childcare. Expecting your mom to do all the childcare is completely unfair as well, as much as she wants you to have the child she doesnt want another baby, she has a life too and cannot be expected to be the surrogate mother to the child whilst you are out working/at school/doing homework.
If you keep the baby accept that you cant work and be at school, simple as that. It is one or the other, and of course school is more important than whatever part time job you may have.
But overall I do think that you have already made your mind up, and aborting the baby would be a huge mistake for you as you have already decided you want to keep it. You would resent your boyfriend for making you abort the child, and you would regret it for the rest of your life. To have an abortion you have to be 100% certain that you do not want the child, and that you are not at all ready to be a mother - and in this case I definitely think that is not you, you sound like you have decided you are ready and you want to keep it.
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male
reader, CaringGuy +, writes (15 January 2013):
If you want the baby, my advice is to keep it. How other people view you simply isn't important. And I don't think they can fire you for being pregnant - if they did, it would be a nice lawsuit.
You want the baby, and you're sure you can do it. I think you should follow your head and heart, which both say keep it.
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female
reader, CindyCares +, writes (15 January 2013):
I'd say yes. And in general I am not enthusiastic about unplanned pregnancies, young single moms, etc.
It does not sound though like for you keeping this baby would be a totally selfish, reckless decision. The interest of the child, as well yours, seems reasonably protected.
The guy apparently is going to stick around no matter what you decide. You have your mom's support and she is totally on board to help you with whatever you need . And you sound not terrified or frazzled, in fact happy and very determined to handle the situation the best you can.
In these circumstances, of the two reasons you are considering abortion only one is valid, the possibility of losing your job and source of income. Albeit, if the guy ,more or less willynilly, is going to step up to the plate... and if your mom is willing to help you also finacially for a while... that should be just a temporary hardship and not a total disaster.
As for " what people will say " oh please . You live in 2013, and in USA. I don't think you'd cause an uproar. If you think that the girls from Teen Mom - a bunch of irresponsible dummies compared to whom you sound like a shining paragon of maturity - even get their fan pages and fan mail and all...:)
The decision befalls only on you of course, and make sure that it stays this way . I.e., that you think long and hard, weight pros and cons, and at the end take your own decision- the one which is good for you, not which pleases your bf or pleases your mom.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (15 January 2013): This is entirely your decision and no one elses! don't be swayed by your boyfriend or your mother and do not care what anyone thinks, the only thing that matters is what you feel and think.This is a very big decision and if you decide on what your mother or boyfriend says to you then you may regret it. I understand that you want to consider your boyfriend's opinion as he is the father but at the end of the day it is your body and the decision is going to have more consequence on you than him, he is mainly there to support you on what you decide, he is probably just thinking of himself not being ready to be a father but unfortunately it is too late for that.No one on this site can tell you what to do. I know people have opinions on abortions but their opinions do not matter only yours do, yes 40 is older to have a baby like your mum says but being 20 is very very young also
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