A
female
age
41-50,
*aryann61181
writes:I'm having a difficult time walking away from someone and I need to. I am six months pregnant and really love this man, but he is sleeping with someone else and he can't make a decision. We have been in a relationship for over 3 years and were planning on getting married. He keeps telling me that he loves me and that he's just confused between us. We are not children anymore. I am in my mid 20's and he is in his 30's. Yes, I understand this is young. Yes, I understand that I should've married before I decided to have a child. This just doesn't make sense to me. I just don't understand why I can't just walk away from him and give up. I don't understand how he can sleep with another woman and lead me to believe that he still loves me and wants to work things out. We have been in therapy for two months now and I have proven to him how much I love him. I guess what I'm trying to ask is, is there something wrong with me that I just can't move on? Is it because I'm in a more emotional state-of-mind with being pregnant? Is there something wrong with him, that he thinks he loves two women? Is there anything I can do to just stop? Please advise.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (4 February 2008): Hello. Being pregnant and emotional wont help you at this emotional time. I am 6months preg at the mo 2. Difference is my bloke left me. Its best to walk away from this man. he is only keeping you both going to see how long he can play you for a fool and still get the best of both worlds. Once a cheat always a cheat. Do you really want to marry a man you cant trust? It will only get worse and you can do without the stress while you are pregnant. Good luck Summer x
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (20 June 2007): I can honestly say in your situation there is only one thing i would deffinitely do and thats get rid of him! I know you love him but, why? cause believe me, as harsh as this may sound he doesn't love you. And the sad part is in your heart you know this.Dont allow him to make a victim out of you. He is a selfish pig thinking of only himself.
Whether he suddenly decides you're for him or not he is not for you, as he will keep doing this and believe me you will never trust him again. do you really want to bring your child up in this environment.
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A
female
reader, shama +, writes (14 May 2007):
I'm sorry maybe I'm a strong woman, but I'm six months pregnant and I left my man. He did not come home for two days than he took him back after a month he did the samething again. 3 months ago. He is outta here. That is what you have to do, your not going to be pregnant forever. Girl set goals. Get into shape as soon as you can after you have the baby and go have some fun.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (13 May 2007): Maryannethis guy does not love any of you he is a user (big time) tell him to stick with his F/B your off and do it you will cope with the baby planned or not plenty of others including myself have done so cause this guy wont change if he can cheat on you he will cheat with others dont let him away with it good luck with the baby you will be fine
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A
female
reader, Rock chick  +, writes (12 May 2007):
hi,you have just replied to my question re - is there any chance?You seem to be a very strong person and you cerainly don't need the crap your partner is giving you. It is emotional enough being pregnant without his messing around.Be strong and make a plan to leave. It is his loss - he loses you and loses the chance to be a full time father.Will your family help you? I don't know what rights you have living in USA as I am UK.My situation is different to you - I have a daughter from my previous marriage living with me, and I know the way my partner (how can I call him a partner when an enemy doesn't do this) is acting towards me is affecting her.I am looking forward and seeing me not being jealous, not stalking, not having to tiptoe around what i say/do incase he goes off - and not having to iron, wash ,clean for him again - and it looks much better
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A
female
reader, maryann61181 +, writes (12 May 2007):
maryann61181 is verified as being by the original poster of the question Thanks everyone for the answers
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (9 May 2007): Pork Hock is right on the money. Start making plans to go it without him. You can't make this man choose you and the baby. I am so sorry, you don't need to deal with this heartache at this stage of your pregnancy. He has the inability to be committed with you. You are pregnant and it's time for you to be incredibly strong and think of the baby. Ideally, I wish that your bf would grow up and become a man and the committed father, your baby will require because the baby's needs come before his wants and needs, now. However, if he was committed and wanted to be a part of this baby's life, he'd be by your side-right now. If he won't do the best by you and his future family, because he has another honey in the background, you need to start making plans for you and this child...today. You need to dig deep into your personal courage and put the baby first. It will be hard, as you are emotionally still attached to this man. Enlist the help and love of your family, you will need it, your baby will need it. Visit a solicitor and make sure you know your rights and the obligations, he has for this child. Don't waver. Because sometimes guys who are this childish...often will try to shrug off responsibility. At the best, you should aim for sole custody and having him pay child support with a visitation schedule for him. What your bf decides now, will affect your child for the rest of his/her life. This is not 'just a walk in the park'. Any relationship where there is a baby involved...is serious stuff as we are talking about the future of a dependant child on you and him...to be the best parents they can be. I fully realize that a few hundred dollars per month and weekend visits, doesn't make the best Dad, but your child will need it's father, in it's life. Understand, you will be connected to this man, for the next 20 years, at the least. There will be a ton of life essentials this baby will need, and there will be big decisions that both of you will have to make together, in regards to the healthy, happy upbringing of this child. You are in a predicament, hun but choose not tosettle for this predicament. Become motivated to do something about this, today. If you are determined to make the best life for you and this baby, you have to accept 'what this man really is'. Then make a choice and the sacrifice and let him go. You can't change him nor this situation. All you can do is muster up your courage for this baby and move forward. Again, Iam truely sorry for your pain, dear. Keep us posted on how you do. Good luck and be strong. Your baby will need to depend on you for that. Take care
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A
female
reader, miss fit +, writes (9 May 2007):
if he genuinely loved you he would have picked you long ago. tell him you know hes never going to change and when this babies born your not going to need his womanising disrespectful presence anymore. he's had his chance.
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A
female
reader, aunty jane +, writes (9 May 2007):
 hes just got you where he wants you..you know about this other woman yet you are still with him......he will treat you like a doormat forever more because you will let him and things will only get worse when the baby arrives
get out while youcan and find someone to treat you with the respect you deserve
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A
female
reader, Pork Hock  +, writes (9 May 2007):
give up the therapy and start planning your future. He is either with you or not. That is the heart of the matter. You can so this alone knowing that you have no ties with this man. My husband cheated on throughout my pregnancy and when she was a new born. Ask him straight whether he is with her or you. As for sex with him cut him off you don;t know what he is passing onto you and your child. Tell him he makes a decision. Remember how you going to handle it when Dad leaves to go somewhere one night. Chineses and Japanese people did this a century ago, you and your unborn child are not something to inherit or have something nice to loo at...
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A
female
reader, penta +, writes (9 May 2007):
 Why should he change? You're allowing him to have his cake and eat it too. He won't change unless he's forced to. You have to give him an ultimatum, and MEAN it. And if he doesn't choose you, you're actually better off. You'll never be able to trust him again, and who wants to look over his shoulder for the rest of your lives?
See a lawyer. He has responsibilities to the child. And be prepaired to leave him. You deserve better.
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A
female
reader, Camel32 +, writes (9 May 2007):
 I disagree with the pre answer. I have been there and asked my ex to "choose" me the mother of his two children or her, a girl he knew for 1 month. He continued to give me the run around saying: I don't know, you can't make me make that decision. So finally one day I said "if you love me stop talking to her" he said he did it, but he lied. Two hours after leaving the hospital, after delivering our second child (he was talking to her as I was sleeping right next to him the same day our child was born), I pack my stuff up and left. He calls every day and tells me he is sorry, he still loves me, he wants to get back together.... We broke up 1 year ago, and yes it is still going on. What you need to do is picture your self with out him - are you happier? And really picture your self not cleaning up his dirty laundry spread all over the floor, cleaning up the facial shavings on the sink, wiping up the pop he spilled on the computer desk last week and you just found it, picture not haveing to deal with the amount of stress you are going through. And also are you going to be able to trust him again? I know I could never trust my ex since he is still trying to sleep with me even though he is with her (the same girl he cheated on me with) I love my ex and allways will, but I am happier with out him living with me, even though having another person in bed with me is nice it is really not worth the pain and stress I went through. You will be a better person for your child if you are happy, keep in mind not to stay together for the child, that is only going to hurt him/her in the future. Making yourself happy will make your child happy.
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A
male
reader, Adam Burdall +, writes (9 May 2007):
please dont dismiss my reply because of my age.the answer is simple. give him an ultimatum. tell him that if he really loves you and your unborn child he has to make a choice between you and your child or this other woman. if he doesnt believe you will leave just walk away i know you say you love him and cant walk away but getting away for a while might be good for you even if it isnt forever and it will also shock him. if he sees that you will actually go he will realise you are serious be prepared for the worse though he may leave. your relationship cannot work with another woman involved and just think about your baby. how can a child have 2 mothers at the same time. also the stress you seem to be under cant be healthy for you being pregnant. let him choose you 2 or her if he chooses you good if he chooses her you are better off without him.
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