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Am I not fulfilling him if he's watching this category of porn?

Tagged as: Pornography, Troubled relationships, Trust issues<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (13 October 2011) 8 Answers - (Newest, 14 October 2011)
A female United States age 36-40, anonymous writes:

Ok here is the deal. My fiance has an obession of black porn. I am asian and average looking women. All I see is ebony categories. There was one porn where he had watched a white guy and a black girl porn. I had confronted him about if he likes black girls and he answered to me I like all kinds of girls. So what is the deal? Am I not fulfilling his needs in the realtionship because I'm not black? I feel like every pretty black girl walk past by he wants to check them out.

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A male reader, Danielepew Mexico +, writes (14 October 2011):

Danielepew agony auntYes, I agree. This is absolutely different.

I don't buy it when people say they join such sites "just to see what they are like". I always think that their real intent is to see if they like them. And, if they do, they stay.

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A female reader, So_Very_Confused United States +, writes (14 October 2011):

So_Very_Confused agony auntWait wait wait.

adult friend finder

and

flirt4 free

and webcaming are all VERY different from WATCHING porn...

those are NOT ok in my book

and the FACT that he lied about joining is even LESS ok...

WATCHING porn is one thing

interacting with other humans is totally different.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (14 October 2011):

Thank you for all your replies. I don't want to bring it up and ask him about it since I saw it on the history one day. I don't want to feel like I'm spying on him. Also this one time that he did signed up for adultfriendfinder.com and flirt4free.com online sex dating website. I found that on my own, and confronted him about it. He lied to me and said he never signed up for it, but then again I knew his easy password he used for everything and his email and had actually logged into his account. He didn't fill out his profile. After all the agruments and fights he confronted me and said he did signed up and just seeing what is it.

The thing is he is also into porn webcaming. I guess that's why I am insecure about myself. You know after having a baby is hard to lose that "weight". To make it funny I think I am going to treat myself with a new haircut and nails that way I can build up my confidence and to feel better for myself. I might dye my hair as well lol

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A female reader, tb0721 United States +, writes (14 October 2011):

tb0721 agony auntI dont think that by watching a particular ethnicity of porn means you arent fulfilling. He may enjoy watching it but unless he is doing more than that he comes home to you right? My fiance watches alot of hispanic porn and Im white, Ive come to understand its just porn and its natural for many guys to watch it. I say if it makes you insecure definately talk to him but understand that it doesnt mean he will change. It may just be that you have to work harder on your own insecurities, which is difficult I know because I struggle with it myself. To be quite honest I dont know a girl that doesnt. Good luck!

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A female reader, So_Very_Confused United States +, writes (14 October 2011):

So_Very_Confused agony auntROFL... not laughing at you darling... My boyfriend only likes Asian porn... I guess I'm not enough for him because I'm not Asian. He also prefers them youngish and I"m 13 yrs older than he is....

I think it's just a type he likes. He loves me and he's with me... As I have told him over and over I don't care where he gets his appetite as long as he eats at home.

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A male reader, Danielepew Mexico +, writes (14 October 2011):

Danielepew agony auntIt's obvious that he likes black girls, but that doesn't mean he doesn't like you.

I thinkt he real issue here is that the porn is making you feel insecure. Why don't you talk to him and say it? "Hey, I hate it when you see porn! Am I not good enough? You may say anything now, but if I see you with black porn again I will know the answer!"

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A reader, anonymous, writes (14 October 2011):

He is allowed to have different taste but he shouldn't be allowed to disrespect u. So he likes porn, no big deal. So he likes ebony porn a lot, still no big deal. A big deal is if he watches porn so much that he jacks off to it daily and physically don't ever have the energy to engage in sex with u.....that's a big problem. Also if he occasionally look at a pretty girl passing by, whether black or other no big deal. Big deal would be if he started dressing differently trying to meet black girls and doing things they want to impress them.....that's a huge deal. So he obviously has ebony fantasies.....no big deal....so long as they remain fantasies. Don't feel threatened by his actions unless they're one of the big deals. I have fantasies of Indian men, doesn't mean I'll cheat for one it just mean I'm fond of them. You are fulfilling to him regardless of your race. He's just a man who isn't racist and appreciate women of all ethnic background. So don't worry yourself by his fantasies. Even if he seemed slightly obsessed with them. So long as he's not neglecting u or disrespecting you by pursuing these women then u have no need to worry. Best wishes

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A male reader, serenity80 United Kingdom +, writes (14 October 2011):

Is he a good boyfriend? If so, then I wouldn't worry about this. He probably just has an innocent fantasy about black girls. This does not mean he actually wants to be with one, or wishes you were black. My girlfriend is Asian and I look at white porn, but I wouldn't want her to ever change. See if there's more things you can do in your sex life so he doesn't have to look at porn so much, that might help.

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