A
male
age
41-50,
*olarkite
writes:It's friday night and I'm alone. I was at a friend's b-day earlier tonight. It seems like every night I'm alone. I like being to myself but this is getting ridiculous. When I was out at the restaurant I saw many cute girls out with guys. One of them smiled at me. What am I doing wrong? I can't lower my standards. What could I do to be with a girl? Or have more friends and not be alone all the time? What can I do to meet people? I don't see a lot of women at my work, and don't have a lot of friends, so don't go out much. Last week I was so frustrated I went to a bar by myself but there wasn't even a place to sit so I had a drink and left. I was happy there though, there were cute girls having fun, but everyone seemed to be with someone and I was here alone. It made me feel old. Reply to this Question
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male
reader, polarkite +, writes (7 February 2010):
polarkite is verified as being by the original poster of the question thanks for your suggestions. i now have a date for later this week thanks to okcupid.
i can't help but feel skeptical of the class suggestion. attractive girls maybe consist of like 2% of the adult population. a given club will have like a random distribution of the population. so what are the chances of meeting a girl at a class? 1/50? and what are the odds that she'll be into me and we'll hit it off? 1/10? so that's like a 1/500 chance! Assuming a class contains 10 people, I'd have to go to 50 different classes before meeting someone attractive who's into me. i guess it's not like NP-complete or anything, but seems like a lot of work especially if i don't care much for the classes.
i want to meet girls all the time. not once in a blue moon.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (7 February 2010): I know you pretty much answered the online thing. But I was in your exact position. It was very depressing. I would come home from work and do nothing. Friday night, played online games. Saturday, same thing. For weeks and weeks felt like the biggest loser, no friends or boyfriend. Everyone told me basically the same thing, go to a class or just out and talk to some people but it really isn't like me. I didn't and still don't like going places by myself, you are cool with that and that's great. Eventually I tried online dating on match. It was fun to have people to talk to on there and basically just give you more options than hoping to meet a single person out at a bar. Plus you know they are single and looking, one less rejection to worry about. You could always do a trial and see how you feel about it. Long story short I met a guy after a couple days, dated a year and a half. We are now best friends and I am dating another guy I met off there. But good luck with everything and I hope you find someone to spend time with, regardless of how you find them.
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A
male
reader, Flyguymyeye  +, writes (6 February 2010):
I think fear of rejection is stopping you from pursuing what you want. Bite the bullet and go for it. You will be happier and better off for the experience.
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A
male
reader, polarkite +, writes (6 February 2010):
polarkite is verified as being by the original poster of the questionto answer the questions, i'm 28 years old. this past week i probably worked like 50 hours.
i have somewhat flexible hours because i work creative job. so it can vary between like 35-80 hours a week, depending. often times, it's up to me. sometimes i go in at 11 and leave work at 7, other times i'm there from 7 to 7. what i produce is valued a lot more than how many hours i work.
i'm not much of a dancer to be honest. i'm into literature. i like reading, writing, software development, physics, sailing, yoga, i'm not sure what else; though i'm really open to new things.
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A
male
reader, polarkite +, writes (6 February 2010):
polarkite is verified as being by the original poster of the questionyeah, i've gone to yoga classes for example, i enjoy yoga, but nothing seems to happen.
i have a good job and like what i do.
i've also looked online, and have corresponded but i don't really know what to say to people when it comes to meeting for real. i'm pretty sure i'll just scare them off.
i tend to go for women who are better looking than myself. that kind of makes it more difficult. i know i have an interesting personality, but it takes a while for me to warm up.
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A
male
reader, DoubleM +, writes (6 February 2010):
 You probably need to get out more, and so should I as well. "CaringGuy" offers a good suggestion, such as a class that likely attracts women, like gourmet cooking, yoga, dancing or whatever. Also, online opportunities are possibilities if the woman is nearby. Just meet for a cup of coffee or whatever. I reached-out online last evening and already have a meeting for today.
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy +, writes (6 February 2010):
You're not looking in the right places. If you have a hobby you really enjoy, join a club or something where other people are that you can meet them and make friends.
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A
female
reader, BagOfJoy +, writes (6 February 2010):
How old are you and how many hours do you work?
If you have enough time,find something you enjoy,find your hobby.If your hobby is chess,go to a chess club or if you're hobby is dancing, you should go to a dancing club.It's all up to what you like.If you join a club that you like,you'll meet more persons that like the same thing as you do and,this way,you'll make friends and maybe a girlfriend too.Even if you make only friends,you'll go out with those friends,you might meet your friends' friends and you'll meet a lot of new people this way.Just find out what you like.
Best wishes!
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A
male
reader, Flyguymyeye +, writes (6 February 2010):
Easy. Join some clubs/activities and make effort to interact with people. Online dating to quickly meet girls. Things won't always come to you, you have to make them happen.
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