A
female
age
36-40,
*oxy7727
writes:bout a month to 2 months ago i was at my babys dads house who i am not with we have been split for a while now well we were having sex and he asked me if he could put it in my ass i said no he said comeon y not i said no sorry i cant do that so we kept having sex and then he shoved it n my ass as hard as he could it felt like i imediatly started to cry and flip out he had ahold of my thighs and after about 30 sec to a min he let go jumped up and put his pants on i was in the corner crying then hurried up got dressed and ran out but since we already were having sex he said it wasnt rape and im a stupid liar was it rape or am i over exaderating it all i havent spoke to him since i told my best friend and she just held me did say much about it just that hes an asshol i wanna do somthing about it cuz hes been violent twords other women but hes the father of my kids and i dont want to take it to far what should i do any feed back would be nice
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best friend, liar, my ex, violent Reply to this Question
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female
reader, foxy7727 +, writes (10 April 2010):
foxy7727 is verified as being by the original poster of the question thank you all for your feedback i would never get back with him or do anything sexual with him i plan to talk to a councler and look at my options i dont want to take it to court i am thinking of talking to a lawyer about our kids though and seee where i go from there and sine my post i did talk to him a little about it i asked for an opoligy but i didnt get one he told me to just hate him and to shut up so thats what we left it at were cival around the kids and other then that we do not speak
A
female
reader, Miamine  +, writes (16 March 2010):
 Shellymaryann, this is rape, you were asleep and could not give consent.
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A
female
reader, shelleymaryan1986 +, writes (16 March 2010):
hi i was raped by my ex more then 2 times he asked me if he could try it up the ass i said no but he just kept asking and asking me then 1 day i just gave in wen he put it in it hurt and i was screaming for him to stop but he didnt he pushed my head in to his sofer so no one would here me scream out then the seconed time was wen i was asleep he climed on top of me then he raped me i could.nt move and the other times were i would say no and he would just go on and on it got to the stage were i would be sore and bleed he was my first boyfriend and he said its not rape wen u r going out with someone and wen i told my mate she said its rape and no one knows not even my famliy knows about this i didnt no that it was rape
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A
female
reader, Sharon1111  +, writes (28 February 2010):
 This guy abused & disrespected you. Too bad he is the father of your child, but dreams can't make reality. He is just not good enough for you. I say don't put your hand in the fire or you'll get burnt. So see fire as fire not as water because you want water.
How about you go find a nice guy?
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A
female
reader, Miamine +, writes (23 February 2010):
'lubrication', which is pre-condition of anal sex, and there must be some mark of 'injury' which can be detected clinically
Not true.. we've had a least one post from someone who wanted to have anal sex in the most painful way possible, and didn't want to use lubrication. People into S&M and painfull sex do not always require lubrication to find pleasure.
You can report this case to the police, original poster, but as I said, it's going to be hard to prove consent. You and this guy had sex, and although he penetrated you in a way you did not want, the courts will take his word, as you consented by removing your clothes and having sex in the first place.
Go to a lawyer, go to the police, check with them first. But I think you'll find that you will not be able to take this case to court.
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A
male
reader, bharat mehta  +, writes (23 February 2010):
 The advice of ' Angzw' seem more relevant here. Best way is to obtain legal opinion once. We are not specialist in law matter, so we are unable to say anything specific.
But, if you had not consented, means you have not used any 'lubrication', which is pre-condition of anal sex, and there must be some mark of 'injury' which can be detected clinically. But, lawyer is the best person to direct such issues.
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A
female
reader, Laura1318  +, writes (22 February 2010):
 The U.S. Supreme Court ruled 6-3 that sodomy laws are unconstitutional on June 26, 2003.
reference:-
http://www.glapn.org/sodomylaws/usa/usa.htm
This law applies to those with consensual adults.
However if it is committed without consent,it is a felony , a serious crime .
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A
female
reader, Laura1318 +, writes (22 February 2010):
You can report him to the police but it is not easy to prove in court that you did not give your consent.It is one man's word against another .
Do you have any witness or video to prove it?
If there were no forced entry or violence perpetuated, you will have a very weak case .
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A
female
reader, Angzw  +, writes (22 February 2010):
Sodomy is against the law if its not consensual. Men are normally raped this way. This is also a case of domestic violence. The best thing for you is to phone a rape helpline and speak to a counselor over the phone and explain what happened to you. They know all the laws and they would be able to advise you on what to do. They won't force you to press charges but they will explain your options. This is the field I work in so I know you have a case if you ever wanted to press charges. Nowadays, the majority of rape cases are committed by husbands and boyfriends but are severely under reported because they fear the police won't listen to them but that is no longer true; especially since your boyfriend has possibly done this to others there might already be a record on file. Remember, the helpline wont force you to press charges if you dont want to, but they will counsel you and at least your case worker will have your assault on record if anything ever happens to you.
(1 800 656 HOPE) is for male and female rape survivors or (1 888 7HELPLINE) for domestic violence.
Although I know you dont want to report him, how would you feel if you let it go then he does this to somebody else?? You have to think carefully about this; he is clearly a rapist and not only do you continue to be in danger, but others women are in danger too.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (22 February 2010): Sodomy is a crime in the USA and always has been. If you having intercourse with someone even if your married to that person you have the right to say NO. At the point you said no its rape. Not meant to be funny, but if he wanted a last stroke after you said no then its RAPE. Why don’t ppl understand No means NO. SODOMY is illegal help change the laws.
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A
female
reader, Laura1318 +, writes (22 February 2010):
He has committed sodomy but it is not against the law in the USA. Abstain from sex with him is all you can do.
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A
male
reader, HarryFlashman +, writes (22 February 2010):
As stated, I agree that it would be sexual assault, but my guess is that it will be hard to get prosecution because it's a messy case. But I am not a lawyer.
Agree with the advice you have received: stay away, he's trouble.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (22 February 2010): He doesn't even seem to care that he hurt you, and that sounds like a bad character flaw if nothing else... I mean maybe he did not see it as rape, but even if you don't want to use the word ''rape'', it was a sexual assault as soon as you said NO and he went on with what you said no to. If he really lacks that much respect for women, do you think he will be a good influence on your child? And if you think he's abused other women, then I would not feel bad in the least about reporting him. If you decide not to report him, then I would advise you at the very least not to do anything sexual with him anymore. Anyways, whatever you end up doing, I wish you good luck.
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A
female
reader, Miamine +, writes (22 February 2010):
I think this is sexual assault, but it's hard to prove legally because you consented to sex. I suggest that you never put your self in that type of position again. If he's violent to other women, he will go on to hurt someone else. In that situation, your experience of his violent ways will be invaluable to help her get justice.
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A
female
reader, Paula4u +, writes (22 February 2010):
 Keep away from him he doesn't understand the word NO. Secondly it was assault because he said NO. Walk away my dear and make sure he pays support for his children if necessary get legal help . Good luck!
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A
male
reader, rcn +, writes (21 February 2010):
 I don't like the word rape, its too generalized. By definition, I would say this was an act of sexual assault, whichever degree would be determined by local laws. It doesn't matter that you were having sex. He asked if he could, you said no, he did it anyway, that's not a consented part of the act you were engaged in. I'd recommend talking to your local district attorney's office, see and weight your options in this matter. Take care.
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A
female
reader, meg2989 +, writes (21 February 2010):
 Well rape by definition is any act of sexual intercourse that is forced. While its true he stopped about a minute or so, you specifically told him not to before hand, yet he did. It may not have been some brutal form of rape, yet even though it was only a minute, it was a minute of forced anal sex.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (21 February 2010): whether you were having sex with him or not, that fact is you said no to a sexual act and he went ahead and did it anyway. That is wrong!
If you do not want to take this to far, then in future stay away from this person,do not have sex in future with him, and also let him know that you will go to the authorities if he ever tries anything like that again.
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