A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I've known this guy now for about a year, we met at a friend's birthday party and I fancied the pants off of him! He told me he liked me too, we ended up kissing, dancing etc.. but we didn't see each other again until June, she had another party and he was there! We ended up swapping phone numbers and msn. We've been meeting up and going to the cinema and stuff and I kinda think I'm falling in love with him.About a month ago he practically in not so many words told me that he only wanted sex out of me, but I like him so much that I think I'll fall for it! I would be willing to let him use me for sex just because I like him so much! I don't know what to think now? Advice would be apprieciated, ta x
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male
reader, harveyj  +, writes (26 October 2008):
from the perspective of a guy who knows other guys, don't do it.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (26 October 2008): I read recently that if a man tells you he doesn't care for you and that is just using you that you should PAY ATTENTION. No man who is at all interested in you or would say this - he would want you to see him in the best way possible. I have been in the same position as you and believe this advice 100%.
Do NOT let yourself down by continuing to see / sleep with or even think about this person. You will do yourself no end of damage. Try to politely distance yourself from this situation. He may then try to convince you that in fact he does have feelings for you, but I don't think you should listen. You have already heard the warning bells loud and clear.
It will be hard, but I really think you should remove yourself from this painful situation as soon as possible.
I wish you luck. xx
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male
reader, agonyunclechris +, writes (25 October 2008):
 hi.you shouldnt let this kid use you for sex. you said you went for a walk in the park and you told him and he said he did have feelings for you. let me tell you now if i told a girl i just wanted to have sex with her and then she said she didnt want to because i didnt have feelings, what do you think i would do? i would lie and say i had feelings for her just to have sex with her. thats the way a teenage boy is.dont trust him as soon as he said that he only wants sex from you because he will be with you aslong as he can get in bed with you. one of my girl friends has a boyfriend that only wants sex from her and she loves him. the same relationship your talking about now. and he treats her like dirt shags her and treats her like his bitch. if he wasnt gettin sex he would leave her. and she would be in distress. this sort of relationship gets controling its like he is your master and your his slave. speak out of place and you will get it.if i was you i wouldnt get yourself in this relationship no matter what now he has told you he only wants sex because anything else is a lie to get you into bed.hope it all works outchris
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (25 October 2008): No, No please don't let him fool you with that kind of sweet talk. He is saying that to get into your pants. If he does have feelings for yu, sure, then he will repect your wishes and wait to have sex.
Don't give in to him because he now suddenly has feelings for you. Don't let him confuse you, let him proof to you that h cares by waiting. Don't trust this guy so easily. He is changing his song to get what he wants. You are smart and intelligent. Don't believe his stories.
Take good care of yourself and keep your legs crossed.
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reader, anonymous, writes (24 October 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionlol, yeah natural mothers instinct i know! she wouldnt want her 16 year old daughter having sex, etc... well i met up with the guy my question was about today and we went for a walk he held my hand and everything and he started to get a bit touchy feely but i told him i wasnt ready for a sexual relationship and especially not someone who had no feelings for me, but he said he did have feelings for me, im confused!
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reader, anonymous, writes (24 October 2008): Sorry to hear about your mum. Hope she gets well soon. Do remember you are not alone. You have lots of aunts here on this site that will guide you with good advice.
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reader, anonymous, writes (24 October 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionmy mums in hospital, so i cant talk to her about anything. not allowed to see her which doesnt make me feel too much better. even if i was to tell her about my sex life, she'd kill me. x
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reader, anonymous, writes (24 October 2008): Thank you princess.. yes that's the answer.. You present as aged 16-17 (overage) and currently living in the UK. Your mother is a great resource at this age. She's experienced what you have, she knows how you feels, and she has experienced unwanted love and lust as well. Please go and talk to your mother. Don't be embarrassed, it will help to bring you and her closer, and will remind her that you are a young adult and you still need her advice and help. I did the same when I first wanted to have sex. I told my mum, and she gave me her best advice that she could. When I first started having sex (18) she was the first person I told, and she was very happy and supportive. If you can, please share some of your fears, your dreams and desires with your mother, I promise you it will make your relationship much stronger...
Thanks Fade, we always forget how great parents can be, especially at times like this..
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reader, anonymous, writes (24 October 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionmy day was actually terrible.
but thanks agaiiin :) lol diovanlestat you do make me chuckle.
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reader, anonymous, writes (24 October 2008): Oh showers, I forgot about the other girls and boys who may be reading this as well.. It is perfectly ok to want to have sex but not be in love with someone, but love is always better, especially for your first time... Damn, this whole thing is so confusing... maybe I should just give up and join "eyes" at home... (sigh)
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reader, anonymous, writes (23 October 2008): Diovan and Fade I had an ex 6 years ago.Didn't have sex.At that time he said he didn't feel anything for me at all.When we had a closure talk a few years back he claimed that it was only me and the moments he spent with me were "the" moments of his life.Aren't guys really weird.wish they came with a manual.
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reader, anonymous, writes (23 October 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionmy day was terrible, but nevermind ey :)
least i wont get a reputation lol x
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reader, anonymous, writes (23 October 2008): Sorry babes, but that's the reality of the double standards in the world. Have sex with a guy who you love and who loves you back in the same way, and then you'll make me as happy as hell.... Take good care of you babes, good luck...
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reader, anonymous, writes (23 October 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionthanks guys, the arguement was fun to read. lol, i understand totally. its cool for the guy to be a player, yet horrid for a girl to do the same, yeah she gets whore, slag etc.. im not gonna sleep with him, thinkin about it now.. a decent guy probably wouldnt wanna enjoy a firs time with me, knowin id shagged someone for the heck of it. thanks again guys!
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female
reader, bexdafattybumbum +, writes (23 October 2008):
I know its hard when you fall so badly for someone, but at the same time you have to respect yourself enough not to let someone use you, especially when they've put it so plainly as that! You could try to explain this to him, and if he understands, great. If he doesn't, then he probably isn't the right guy because he doesn't respect you and understand your needs. Or, you could just try dating without having what he would consider as 'just sex', and you never know maybe he'll see you for the great girl you are! Hope this helps!
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reader, anonymous, writes (23 October 2008): lol... I've already apologized..
Sorry dear caller, we wish you good and well, each and everyone one of us.. A lot of us are parents, and that's why we are being so harsh with you... sorry we are arguing, but the message remains.. We don't like this guy, you deserve much better than him...
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female
reader, eyeswideopen +, writes (23 October 2008):
 Okay I did it again, it should read Fade YOU...maybe I better quit for the day.
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female
reader, eyeswideopen +, writes (23 October 2008):
Fade are lots younger than I, so maybe in your lifetime you'll see a change, I know I won't. I forgot to include the word 'time' after the word "good" on my last answer...see I told you I was old...sigh
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female
reader, eyeswideopen +, writes (23 October 2008):
I know it's not fair nor is it right, but how often do you find "For a good call so-and-so" signs in a ladies room?
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female
reader, for_a_reason +, writes (23 October 2008):
 You'll be risking your reputation, your self respect and your heart if you go through with this. Think carefully about what you'll be getting out of this deal - and the answer is, not a lot.
Don't do it.
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reader, anonymous, writes (23 October 2008): By having sex with him, you will not "keep him, but surely once he got what he wanted, he will move on, looking for his next victim. Leeving you with your heart broken, self respect and dignity shattered, hoepfully not pregnant and with std's too. Risking all that, to try and keep him? Not worth the risk, because he is not in love with you, so he is basically gone already, he is just hanging around for the sex. once he got that he is gone and you are left with the results.
Be smart and do what is right and what is good.
Send him to his next victim before he can add you to his score card.
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female
reader, duskyrowe +, writes (23 October 2008):
 Dear Dr Realitycheck, is there an touch of irony to your username?
You are quite happy to label a girl a slut if she has casual sex, yet you say nothing about the guy she is wanting to sleep with.
Please tell me your views on guys who use women for sex, I will be very interested to know if your opinions are same or different.
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female
reader, eyeswideopen +, writes (23 October 2008):
I think the good Dr. is saying she IF she goes through with this, she risking be called a slut, he didn't call her one himself. The Doc, God love him, is a man of few words and cuts to the chase pretty fast.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (23 October 2008): Dear PosterIt is always best to build on a friendship first basis. This means hanging out together, doing things together, visiting places together and getting to know each other better. This may then progress into a relationship, kissing and cuddling, and then after a period of time progress to sex.Build your relationships this way and you will find that taking your time will reap rewards.May you have a fruitful future X
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reader, anonymous, writes (23 October 2008): Sorry Fade, you have been right to point out the "harshness" of our words. I hate these words as well, and I do not mean to disrespect any woman who chooses to have lots of sex, or sex for money. But for me a "whore, a slut" is a woman who has sex for wrong reasons, and that includes allowing herself to be used and abused. I do not use the term lightly, but in this case it might be appropriate, because that's how the guy will see her actions. The relationship is unequal, she is in love, and he just wants sex, and nothing else is offered. Thanks for reminding us that in the 21st century, it's about time these types of words were thrown in the bin.
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female
reader, duskyrowe +, writes (23 October 2008):
Darling do you really undervalue yourself that much to let a jerk like him use you for sex? This will lead to heartache, simply because you are wearing your heart on your sleeve and he is wearing his in his underpants. Do you think you are emotionally strong enough to have a FWB relationship with him?
Wait until you find a nice young man, who will want a proper relationship. It will be totally worth it in the end, trust me!!
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male
reader, Dr. Reality Check +, writes (23 October 2008):
 If you want to be the slut he tells all his friends about, go for it - just remember that reputations are built on stuff like this.
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male
reader, Beery +, writes (23 October 2008):
 If you sleep with this guy (and I don't advise it), just make sure of one thing - that you know he's not to blame if he ignores you afterwards. After all, he's been brutally honest with you and he's laid out precisely what he wants. Given that he's just looking for a quick 15 minutes of pure sex and nothing at all beyond that, anything that comes from sleeping with him - expectation of a relationship, pregnancy etc. is entirely your problem.
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female
reader, eyeswideopen +, writes (23 October 2008):
Listen to the Aunts, don't be foolish and allow this to happen. Nobody wants to be the joke in the boys locker room or the "for a good time call #####" sign in the mens room.
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reader, anonymous, writes (23 October 2008): Babes, it is no good for you to have sex with this guy. It will make you feel dirty and cheap. Whilst he is having sex with you, you'll be saying to yourself, "he doesn't love me, he's just using me" and you will feel yourself dying inside. Don't do this thing, don't let this man use you as an unpaid whore. You will destroy yourself inside, it will break your heart, and you will always remember that you let yourself be used and abused like this. Never have sex with a guy who has no love or kindness for you. It is not a sign of love, it's a sign of desperation and neediness, this guy will use you and be laughing at you. He will tell all his friends, that he's screwing some girl who lets him do anything he wants. Then he will leave you and find somebody else to love. He will have sex with you, and have sex with other people as well. This thing will hurt, it will hurt inside very much. PLEASE DO NOT DO THIS.
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female
reader, so_in_love +, writes (23 October 2008):
I've been in this exact situation. And I stupidly did sleep with him. Twice in fact. Yeah after when you are just lying there with him, you might feel like he could grow to care about you. But the fact is, he's a pathetic guy, this is what they do. They get what they want and they don't care about who they hurt on the way. It's been almost a year since I last slept with him, I work with him so I still see him all the time. Since that last time nothing has happened, I still feel like I'm in love with him and he pretty much ignores me now he's got what he wants.Be smarter than I was, don't let some guy use you. I regret it no end and I'd hate to think other people were making the same mistake. If you need to chat, just message me babe. Good luck xx
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reader, anonymous, writes (23 October 2008): This would be no different to him using something warm and wet for wanking purposes. It would be rather one-sided 'love' don't you think?
If you like being used as a masturbation aid then go ahead and open your legs for him - but I can assure you that you won't get much fulfilment from it. Just a wet box and messy sheets, or maybe the back seat of a car. Let someone else do him the honours and wait until you find someone that loves you as much as you do him before even thinking about having sex with him.
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