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female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I was just curious... Does it really matter to guys that the girl they want to marry or want to spent the rest of their lives with is a virgin or not??? I mean I don't see the reason why this has to be a big issue with couples.... For me all I ever wanted would be a trust worthy partner w/c I could rely in times of problems... We need not to be virgin just to proof your loyalty and honesty towards the other... It's merely understanding, respect and love that we should be worried about. Those things we can never change if some girls slept with other guys before you. It's past and what's more important is what she does now!!! I need to know how important it is for guys???? Reply to this Question
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (16 July 2011): female anonymous said, "I can't believe you guys being so choosy while most boys show "great" love and affection on earlier stages of the relationship,promises the girl marriage and after the girl gives her all,everything changes then he's done with her."
Who are "these guys"? I have not met many of them. Almost every guy I ever met that wanted a virgin still was one himself. Or at least he had sex with a few people and wished he still was a virgin.
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reader, anonymous, writes (12 July 2011): for me the issue of being a non-virgin girl is not as simple as if you had sex with a guy.. put it this way if a girl did have sex because he loves her boyfriend, would you think of her badly?? I think we shouldn't. .I can't believe you guys being so choosy while most boys show "great" love and affection on earlier stages of the relationship,promises the girl marriage and after the girl gives her all,everything changes then he's done with her. but i can't blame you guys for thinking differently of the "bad girls" who've been promiscuous, sleeping with a guy after a drink at the bar, having sex with a non-boyfriend partner or multiple partners at a time, having sex for money..
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reader, anonymous, writes (28 June 2011): Virginity doesn't matter. Integrity, respect and honesty matter.
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reader, anonymous, writes (28 June 2011): lets put it this way, if I had a gf and she had lost her virginity before my time then I wouldnt really mind, but I would not marry this girl, I would like to have a wife who hasnt slept around and had a few penises in her to put it crudely, Im not saying that its ok for guys to sleep around either though... I think in this age and society we live in guys are becoming more open to this kind of thing but I still think a large amount of guys would prefer a virgin wife or gf for that matter... if there were two girls exasctly the same,in attributes great personality, fun, etc whatever you like in a girl and one was a virgin and one wasnt most normal guys would go for the virgin
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reader, anonymous, writes (27 June 2011): The right guy, that is what you are looking for, will not treat you like dirt, no matter what your sexual history is.
The right guy will treat you as you deserve to be treated, based on the way that you live your life overall, and how you treat yourself.
If you treat yourself like dirt, expect to be treated like dirt.
If you think you are dirt, then you will believe you deserve to be treated like dirt.
If you accept being treated like dirt, then expect to be treated like dirt.
Don't treat yourself that way, don't believe you deserve to be treated that way, and don't accept being treated that way.
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reader, anonymous, writes (27 June 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI was brought up in Philippines but I think my views are like with most of you here. But since the society where I'm at requires it then I have no choice but to fit in. Somehow I'm just feeling devastated how guys treat girls that aren't virgins. It's like they see it at they are dirty and I'm afraid that would happen to me as well.
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reader, Danielepew  +, writes (27 June 2011):
 That said, I'm with Chigirl here. And I was raised and grew up in a Catholic and impoverished country, where men expect the women they marry to be virgins, while they (we) sleep around with the "bad" girls.
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reader, Danielepew +, writes (27 June 2011):
I don't think I ever cared whether my girl was a virgin or not. At my age, that is hardly a possibility anymore; and, on the other hand, something would be the serious matter with her if she were a virgin by now.
Now, this changes from man to man and from culture to culture. I see you're Filipino. My guess is that virginity is way more important for men there than it is for men in Norway.
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reader, airwaterearthfirebender  +, writes (27 June 2011):
 To chigirl: You said:"But then again, in Norway it is quite typical to live together and have children together before you get married. So obviously, virginity isn't even a question here as a couple in Norway, unless highly religious, will always have sex before they marry."So in response to your first point to me, I simply pointed out that in such a situation as you wrote in your Norway example, this is not to say that such a couple could not have been virgins. The fact that they may not be married does not necessarily have to enter the equation. In regards to your second point, I responded to a poster who seemed to suggest it...and let's face it, he wouldn't have been the first to suggest lying about virginity on this site. So, not sure where your second point came from. I'm also going to have to disagree with much of your remaining points, but suffice to say they are your own views to which you are entitled and to which I also mentioned in regards to the OP. But I would like to clarify that what I wrote applies to both sexes, not just the male perspective and I would hardly say that all points become irrelevant starting from the risk of STDs. Are you saying a non-virgin does not care about that? Now, you probably were not implying that so may I suggest not summarily dismissing all points. Finally, your point regarding a non-virgin man not caring about virginity in a partner...certainly, as what was brought up it goes without saying that requiring otherwise would be hypocritical... wouldn't you say? Such a man may require it and if his partner is fine with it then it's really not a issue. Also, this is not to say a virgin would necessarily demand a virgin partner.
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reader, anonymous, writes (27 June 2011): "all I ever wanted would be a trust worthy partner w/c I could rely in times of problems"
That's all I ever wanted.
That's all I want today, nearly 20 years after marriage.
That's all I think I will ever want.
That is all that really matters in the end.
Being a virgin is just being someone who hasn't had sex, that doesn't define character or dependability.
Even Adolf Hitler was a virgin once.
So was Stalin.
Mao.
And, so was every other major asshole who was ever born...the didn't become total assholes because they lost their virginity.
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reader, anonymous, writes (26 June 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHonestly I don't mind much in the importance of virginity to have successful and happy long term relationship. But because of the society where I live in I have to fit in so people won't make judgement on me as a person...
FYI: My bf is not a virgin when i first slept with him but I was.. I think he had it with so many girls and I careless about that...
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reader, anonymous, writes (26 June 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI got one of the wisest advises I could get from all of you.. It's just sad to say that I belong to one of the country that are uneducated and impoverished. But sharing my views about virginity to everyone here made me felt better as a person. Thanks so much!!!
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reader, wiseoldman  +, writes (26 June 2011):
To wiseoldman: Perhaps you can elaborate with some rationale, otherwise what you say is no more than some unsupported generalization. I live in one if the wealthiest nations in the world yet I still have my views.
Ok, I'll elaborate. I specifically said in my initial post that INDIVIDUALS in the more advanced societies may feel differently, and that's up to them but it's not in the Canadian national culture to prize virginity. Also as Canada is a nation of immigrants, your own background may well be from one of those countries- Muslim or non-European Catholic- where a woman's hymen is seen as a factor in her eligibility- a factor which is incomprehensible to me.
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reader, anonymous, writes (26 June 2011): I would just Live your life as YOU see fit and enjoy it, be honest with others and yourself and if people don't like it, then this is their problem. I would not lie about virginity because i see no shame in having sex, virginity to me personally means nothing and is of no real importance.( just my view ). I would be more concerned in peoples character than if they have their virginity, what use is virginity really? If someone will not accept you because you are not a virgin ,then wait for a decent person that has real values that actually hold some weight in this life. I am more interested in the journey , than the destination and it's this experience that makes a journey colourful and rich in experiences, who want's to just arrive untouched by life. spunky monkey.
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reader, airwaterearthfirebender +, writes (25 June 2011):
To CindyCares: Absolutely, if you're going to want a virgin partner then you should be a virgin yourself IMO. I thought that was clear in my comments. But that's not to say that a virgin would not accept a non-virgin. A non-virgin may demand a virgin partner, but at that point it would be up to the virgin partner's views, so there would be nothing inherently wrong there either, to each their own. No matter the scenario, no double standard here in my views. I hope that clears things up...lol.
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reader, chigirl  +, writes (25 June 2011):
 airwaterandfirebender, first off I was fully aware what the situation was for the OP. Second, no one suggested to lie about their virginity. We're only talking about conceptions of virginity here, so take it easy.
I also want to point out what we've been subtle to say: if a guy cares more about your virginity than you then that's not a kind of man you want to be with anyway, so good riddance. What the elementbender here writes is how such a man would think, or could think. But, if you're not eager to be with a man that feels/thinks this way, rest assured there ARE men out there who couldn't care less about your virginity, but are far more interested in you as a person. To these men, the points that were listed up by airwaterandfirebender, doesn't matter at all.
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reader, CindyCares  +, writes (25 June 2011):
 @airwaterearthfirebender : you make a good argument in favour of virginity, or of why a men should want a virgin as wife, and while I don't share your views, I much appreciate that you are not a taliban of virginity and see there is a certain difference between a girl with one previous experience and a girl with many more. Only , your argument would be much stronger if you were in position to reciprocate this gift of virginity.... after all, as also our OP said, it's not
correct to ask from people what you can't give them...
No, I don't want to know if you are a virgin or not, I am not THAT nosy, lol... But, just saying.
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reader, airwaterearthfirebender +, writes (25 June 2011):
To Myau: Everyone has the right to their own views, but suffice to say for each point you make as to supporting someone well traveled, I can just as easily turn your own rationale against you while still having distinct rationale supporting virginity. Who's to say someone well traveled is just going to stop traveling? Perhaps someone who traveled with another failed to invest enough and thus got little out of certain vacations? I may have traveled a million miles in the same car, while someone traveled 100,000 miles but used a dozen different vehicles? Who's the better traveler and/or driver? In the end, being well traveled may or may not amount to anything, but those believing it does sure makes it easier for them to live with themselves no doubt. A virgin theoretically has the opportunity to become well traveled, whereas the converse is not true for the traveler, unless of course lies and deception become the norm.
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reader, airwaterearthfirebender +, writes (25 June 2011):
To wiseoldman: Perhaps you can elaborate with some rationale, otherwise what you say is no more than some unsupported generalization. I live in one if the wealthiest nations in the world yet I still have my views.
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reader, airwaterearthfirebender +, writes (25 June 2011):
To Hugh: So you are suggesting lying your face off about your past and taking it to the grave? I'm sure it happens, but people learned in the ways of relationships know of the desire for people to rewrite their pasts and their are many ways to discover the truth including asking many questions and investing much time in the relationship before any intimacy. Sooner or later even the most skilled liar messes up. Chances are if things sound fishy then they really are fishy. Best to come clean and have someone accept who and what you are and/or have been then to have to carry some lie to the grave that would have altered a partner's perception of you and devastate them. Ultimately, what is the point in some life long deception? It's only a recipe for splitsville and testimony to one's low self-worth. There is someone who will accept you and to whom which you will not need to lie. The fact you lie or feel the need to lie in and of itself should suggest either you or your potential partner are not suitable for one another. But hey, cowardice and low moral character are par for the times.
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reader, santas  +, writes (25 June 2011):
I think it all depends on an individual if a guy has never gone to bed with another girl it is fair enough to make a big if you are not a virgin yourself but if not, then he is just being selfish.
The only reason virginity would be a consideration in a serious relationship or marriage is the first intimacy which a couple shares which would enhance their closeness. I strongly think virginity is a good foundation for a relationship.
I hope I helped.
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reader, anonymous, writes (25 June 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionNice to know that there are so many open minded people that I could share my thoughts with.. In my country they will laugh at you just by the thought you slept with someone that isn't your husband nor or partner in life. Definitely agree with "Myau" that those who haven't explore yet would tend to cheat in the end since I've known cases of that happen to some friends. Thanks everyone for a very great insights it helped a lot...
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reader, Hugh.J +, writes (25 June 2011):
 Tee hee, Cindy - of course you were included in the "wise"!
OP, you have received good and wise advice, but you need to consider the future if you are uncertain about whether you will be together long-term. In your culture, being a virgin is important, but only you and your de-flowerer know that you aren't virginal, so if he doesn't tell, in the event of your breaking up, why should you?
It is exceedingly difficult to prove that you are not, if you say you still are - unless you have had a child, of course.
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reader, anonymous, writes (25 June 2011): I don't understand the big deal if soemoen isn't a virgin. I think its a double standard for a man to expect that the woman be a virgin if he isn't himself. Its a bit hypocritical don;t you think?
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reader, wiseoldman +, writes (25 June 2011):
Please take note that the only cultures (as opposed to individual people) that value virginity are those that tend to be uneducated and impoverished.
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reader, anonymous, writes (25 June 2011): Men and women are naturally different. What one gender wants and values is not the same as the other one. NEITHER IS WRONG, JUST DIFFERENT. People debate the merits of virginity a lot but they miss the larger picture. Men don't like to settle down with promiscuous women. This trait is universal even if a woman's virginity itself is not always the crucial detail. What amount of unmarried sex makes a woman "promiscuous" is the detail that varies depending on the culture.The preference for chastity in women is caused by very sensible evolutionary reasons even though those reasons don't always apply to the modern world. Just because some emotion is outdated or a problem, that does not mean people can just decide to stop feeling that way. (Why is a man's powerful athletic body still sexy to women in advanced modern societies? Who do men's pornography habits bother women if the images are not real people in his life and don't threaten the relationship?)
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reader, anonymous, writes (25 June 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questioni think now I know what to say to those guys who have been demanding from women virginity.. Don't ask what you can't give.. It's fair enough statement I guess.. Much thanks to all you gave me there comments!!
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reader, Myau  +, writes (25 June 2011):
 Personally. Ive never wanted to be with a virgin.
I just think it would be too awkward, as Im a very sexual person, I doubt they would be able to satisfy me.
As for a wife. I personally think it would be better to be with someone a bit "traveled" in life. I think like me they would appreciate being in the marrige more, as they have lived the crazy life and are ready to settle down.
An inexperenced girl, I think would wonder what else was out there and what she was missing out on, and thus be more likely to cheat.
But thats just me
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reader, airwaterearthfirebender +, writes (25 June 2011):
To CindyCares: I appreciate the insight, let's face it of course that the Tunisia example is not virginity and leave it that. Nonetheless, it does speak to the reality when old culture and changing cultures clash. Frankly, I see it as a perversion. So I guy can put it in anally and orally but as long as it is not vaginally, he and she are still virgins...lol...jokes.
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reader, airwaterearthfirebender +, writes (25 June 2011):
To chigirl: I would add and consider that even though one may not be a virgin before marriage, they have still only have had one partner, that is, they go on to marry their only partner. This would appear to be the position the original poster is and/or was anticipating. To OP: Yes, different nations and cultures may and do have their unique outlooks on this matter. Many religions of course espouse virginity before marriage. While I am not very religious for various reasons, this is not to say that I do not believe in these practices and the rationale behind them are not without merit. I am definitely in the camp that favours virginity before marriage. The next best would be that while you may not be a virgin, then you at least took relationships and intimacy seriously and did not just do it with anybody and give it up the day of meeting. Sure, many won't like hearing this, especially the "free souls" etc., who see sex as an extracurricular activity. Would I say that I'd love to have sex with every second woman I thought was hot? Hell yeah...but intellect and potential consequences and risks, and morals and valued win out. If I banged in such fashion then how different would I be than any other animal? Now, to a degree I felt that I have posted on this matter ad nauseum and there is plenty of rationale for my views but I'll try to keep it short. Now I'm going to try and just list off a number of points but just want to tie this back to you and namely the sense I get is that you are conflicted as to whether being a virgin is critically important. On the one hand you write you do not think it is important but on the other hand your actions would suggest it is because you waited for this one guy and envisioned marriage and a life together. Now, were these always your views in that virginity is not an absolute requirement? Or have they only recently changed as there is now trouble in paradise and you potentially foresee a dissolution of the relationship? Was your boyfriend a virgin prior to you? The answer there could be telling as to your true views. So to a degree the simple answer FOR YOU is that it is as important as you feel it is. Let's face it, at the end of the day, if it is marriage and a long term relationship that you are after, then you only need to find one partner that is accepting of you, assuming you will not be lying your face off and making him and/or trying to make him believe that you are something you are not and/or fraudulently rewriting your past when asked. So, if you ever had only one prior or very few prior sexual relationships then I would say that there are few men who would exclude you from a potential relationship. There may well be men in very similar situations that would have ideally wanted to be virgins but found that their partner changed and/or just left them. Consequently, while they may still desire a virgin bride, they cannot expect such an absolute when they themselves cannot reciprocate the same IMO. So, given the number of sexually active men, I really do not think you have need to worry in such a case. Of course, if virginity is really important to you and your boyfriend is as well, then perhaps trying harder is in order. After all, the notion of marriage is exactly that, you don't just go and trade in your partner at the first sign of trouble in paradise. This is always why I encourage people to wait as long as possible before engaging in sexual intimacy so as to really know your partner. Only TIME gives you that ability to find out what a partner is really about, whether or not they are liars, how they behave under various scenarios and stressors etc. In this regard I would say at minimum one year and that assumes you spend time with them consistently and are able to see one another in various situations. Ideally, you wait until marriage. This is a far cry from current notions or expectations of sex by the third date and/or similar construct...and you wonder why there are so many messed up people walking this planet. Now getting back to the points favouring virginity, I will try to keep them brief although I can probably go on and on...1. Virtually erases risk of STDs. Look up HPV and know the risks. Especially as a woman I would not be risking that regardless of how careful one is. 2. Pregnancy. Let's face it, too many get involved in sexual relationships when they are in no position to mentally, emotionally, or financially manage it. It is simply irresponsible at best and should almost be outlawed at worst. 3. Contrary to popular, "experience" in relationships is not the same as experience one speaks of when talking about their career. A string of broken relationships and sexual encounters does not make for a better relationship. Quite the contrary actually, it usually ends up messing you up mentally and emotionally, often diverting your energies at a time in life when perhaps you should be focusing on other things such as your education, skills and intellectual development. Too many get f'ed up perspectives because of how one or a string of no minds or idiots treated them, abused them, said to them, etc. etc. That list could go on forever, with the person questioning their partner often being the no mind or idiot them-self. Let's face it, this site is testimony to that fact. Rarely will a teen relationship amount to a life long relationship, statistical evidence proved that. As a virgin, you are typically dedicated to one person, have few if no hangups, will not have the defacto need to consciously or unconsciously compare a current partner to (a) previous partner(s)...on a whole number of personal and physical attributes, including looks, penis size, vagina size, etc. that would create insecurities and doubts. 4. Biologically, every single previous sexual encounter is also inherently a desire to also potentially procreate. So how special or important is that wife or husband who is some ridiculous number like 50th on the sexual notch belt when you literally could have procreated with 49 men before him? So you tell yourself he is special now because you are with him now. What else is someone who comported themselves in the past in that manner going to say? Nobody wants to see themselves negatively if they can tell themselves otherwise and/or lie about it. Otherwise, you're just dealing with things optimistically which is arguably better than being negative all the time. But let's face it, in extreme cases, what's to say the current partner is anything but the flavor of the month considering number 49 just left a week ago? While some no minds will wax low self esteem and wonder if they could live up to expectations in the face of such sexual "experience", the logical mind would question what is so f'ed up about such person that you messed up every single relationship before and/or had the need to change up partners every 3 months? Not to mention how many bastard kids you have and diseases you risk spreading. And it certainly is without doubt that the research indicates the risk of divorce goes higher for non virgins. So yes, there are consequences involved for our actions...period. In many respects, you choose your lot in life. 5. Previous relationships make you better at sex - MYTH. Hardly, don't buy this myth as many a naive boy or girl have been pressured into getting into relationships much much too early. Did someone have to teach you to eat or to breath? Sex also comes naturally. There's nothing you wouldn't be able to do or know about sex that wouldn't come naturally or anything you couldn't just get out of a book or the Internet etc. Does someone who eats a lot make them a better eater? Does that mean they could cook up those meals? Does someone who breathes a lot make them a better breather...lol. How about drivers...ha ha ha? Certainly, while being facetious I, nonetheless, make my point. So what if you pimped yourself out to every bi-pedal animal that bit, you could just as easily be a selfish lover or a good lover. In any event, nothing that would take a multitude of encounters or relationships at which to become proficient. Chances are in an ideal pairing of virgins, there would be few sexual hangups or worries and a high enthusiasm for experimentation with one another in a loving context. So, yes, while there are no guarantees in life, a virgin pairing remains the ideal as far as I am concerned. Let's not even begin to imagine the potential global positive ramifications of such pairings including happiness, fewer divorces and of course children with both parents, and of course eradication of sexual disease. Of course, that's still way too optimistic in our day and age. Anyway, I'm sure there is more, but I'll leave it at that for now...lol.
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reader, anonymous, writes (25 June 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionYes I most certainly agree to that... Most guys demand for purity when they aren't practicing it themselves... And if we started questioning them they would simply say well we are men and we got nothing to lose!!! What you said was right that it would be a blessing if those guys turned you down by simply knowing your not a virgin then it only means that they wouldn't be able to love you as you are and just end up being dumped after sometime.
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reader, CindyCares +, writes (25 June 2011):
Thank you for the "wise", Shawncaff, ( unless it was for the Chi only ! ) and if a man wants a virgin wife because he's a virgin too , it makes perfect sense- it's about identity of values.
A tad less I believe in the "beauty" of being the first,if he is not a virgin , because , IMO, this feeling is not so pure as you make it, it's inevitably ego-tainted, but I am willing to assume that there are single individuals who feel this way for the "right" reason : the joy of sharing such a meaningful moment in the intimate life of a woman.
But alas it's so very seldom like that. It's all about conformism , social control and social expectations.
I hope I will not offend any Muslim reader, for which I have deep respect, I am just reporting what comes from the mouth of some good Muslim friends.
Some North African countries, Tunisia just to name one, are very westernized and "modern" at least in the cities. Girls go to college, they go to work, they drive, they go to clubs, - they dress more modestly than Europeans but basically they live the same life, with plenty of occasions to meet males and spend time with them unsupervised. Yet, officially, at least for the "grown up " world, virginity is still a big ,big deal, and an irrenounceable value on the dating market.
So, are these young people so good at self control that nothing ever happens ,even when they can meet their guys freely and privately ? Well not really. They do everything, and I mean EVERYTHING, but " that ".
In case it does not work, the next guy and future husband, can have a technically virgin bride. The funny thing is that everybody knows it and everybody does the same, it's sort of a courtesy thing, like when you live a restroom properly clean and fit to be used by the next person.
This concept of virginity as " the front orifice is still intact " , is rather widespread in conservative societies, and personally I find it half sad half amusing.
That's why I confirm that probably it is a blessing being turned down by men who think this way...
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reader, shawncaff  +, writes (25 June 2011):
 I see only women have responded so far. Although they are wise and insightful women, I will give my personal perspective as a man.I do see the beauty and special quality of having a wife who is a virgin. There truly is something special about sharing sex with someone who has never been with anyone else before. However, the desire for a virgin wife can also be just about status, prestige or domination. As Chigirl pointed out, it is hypocritical for a man to insist on a virgin when he himself has slept around. Virginity is then seen as a prize to be won, rather than a foundation for a special relationship. In THAT case, I think wanting a virgin wife is just about the man's ego, and is not that important.Wanting a virgin partner is an ideal, much like wanting a pretty, intelligent, charming or fun wife is. But to focus on that to the exclusion of all other factors is narrow and self-defeating. A wife's virginity or lack thereof should be weighed into the decision, but should not be the final vote.
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reader, anonymous, writes (25 June 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionYes I kind of consider that option as well.. Leave before it gets to complicated... But I've been with him for so long that both of our families expect us to be together soon... I don't know how they will react to this! It's not third party that we argue all the time but it's me being so stubborn and him being so perfect... No doubt that I've loved this guys with all my heart but I don't know if I can meet all his expectations... I had some time now to think on what to do!! we both needed space so I'm taking this time to ask advices from others who are very open minded about issues like this.. I guess your right that I was just afraid of being rejected by another guy once they found out... All your advices really lighten me up with my confusion.. Thank you very much!
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reader, anonymous, writes (25 June 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI know this are cultural differences! Somehow other guys tried opening the possibility that it's not what you did before that makes you as a person but it's what you do now... I'm quite thankful that some guys in our country are considering it after all we are only humans bound for making mistakes in the past and we just need to learn from it!!
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reader, chigirl +, writes (25 June 2011):
In the Philippines a man wants a virgin, yes. So why did you have sex with him before marriage? If you are committed to this man for life, the marriage or not is only a piece of paper. You had sex with him because you wanted to be with him all your life, right? Then you must stick to him even if things aren't rosy red, that's how it is. It isn't always easy to be in a relationship, or live together.
Have you spoken to him about marriage?
Do you think you made a mistake and that this man isn't the one you want to spend the rest of your life with?
Even though it sounds scary to leave now, and you worry you will not find a man who will wants you, think about this. This is your life you are living, and you only have this one life. Do you want to spend it being miserable with a man you don't want to be with, or do you want to live your life according to how you want it? Finding a man is not crucial to your happiness. Marriage and family can be important to you, but I believe the idea picture will be to find a man who you are happy with, and who also accepts that you are not a virgin. Finding him is worth risking loneliness.
Your options are to stay with the man you are currently with, for the rest of your life, or risk him dumping you as you are not married. Or, leave the relationship, risk being lonely for a while, but also have the opportunity to find a man you can be happy with. You will not find that other man as long as you are in the current relationship. So, do you want to settle with what you've got, or take a chance in life and live it the way you want to live it, and not be dictated by fear of rejection?
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reader, CindyCares +, writes (25 June 2011):
To be honest, yes, if you live in a country and culture that values virginity, your value on the dating market is less, once you are 'broken'. Your choice of partners will be somewhat restricted. Take it as a blessing in disguise. The man who will love you and accept you as you are , with you 'past' is a more respectful, intelligent and understanding partner of that who would make a fuss about your broken hymen.
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female
reader, CindyCares +, writes (25 June 2011):
It's totally cultural, it depends from the place, society and religion in which you grow up.
In some countries it is an issue, in others people would not understand what you are talking about.
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reader, anonymous, writes (25 June 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionYes I guess you're right, but in Philippines almost every guy wants a virgin.I just don't get it really. I kept myself for this one person that I wanted to spend my life with and now things aren't much better so I'm thinking what will happen if we broke up?? Can I still find a guy who will still love me and take me as I am since I'm not a virgin anymore?? Many questions had been running through my head and that is whats keeping me to hold on to my relationship now because I'm afraid of being criticize and judge by others...
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female
reader, chigirl +, writes (25 June 2011):
I think this depends on how conservative the man is and how he was brought up, what values he hold. If he believes the woman should be a virgin then he himself needs to be a virgin as well.I haven't met a single man, in person, that thought virginity was of any importance when it comes to marriage. But then again, in Norway it is quite typical to live together and have children together before you get married. So obviously, virginity isn't even a question here as a couple in Norway, unless highly religious, will always have sex before they marry. I think this differs from country to country, it depends on how conservative the society they grew up in was.
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