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age
30-35,
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writes: Hey Everyone, I have a serious problem ....Ok myself and my fiance are in love and we live together hes a great man I never once had him cheat on me or anything. but today I found something that really upset me and he says he didn't do it, what happened was I washed his pants with his android cell phone in his pocket on accident (he didn't get mad:) he actually kissed me and said "its ok babe its just a phone I love you so much dont feel bad I will get another one:)",so his phone insurance for his phone sent him a used phone for free. basically a person brings the phone to them and its used and they send it to whoever....ok well my fiance old phone 'water damaged phone' started working and he decided to sell the water damaged phone because he knew it would not work months from now and he decided to use the REFURBISHED phone....ok so hes been trying to update the phones and stuff and I went upstairs today to lay down I wasnt feeling well...i yelled 'babe r u coming in the room?' he goes 'I'm eating pizza babe be right up sweetie' I fell asleep for like 10 mins and i wake up and he came up stairs and grabbed the phone and went down stairs...he came up later before he went bck to work and when i went down stairs i found the REFURBISHED phone near the computer so I looked through it messing around with it and I look at the internet history and its funny cuz all these porn sites popped up "spankwire.com" and myspace It said the sites were viewed today but he just turned the phone on today and he said he found apps on there that werent suppose to be there,he would always tell me that he doesnt like porn and doesnt want me to watch it n says why watch it when he has me:)..... there must of been like 40 porn sites and he said today "how would I have time to watch porn when i dont get enough time on my break" again he hasnt took this phone with him at all its been home with me, he keeps swearing he didn't do it he swears on his moms life and his family and he also got so pissed that I cursed him out when he was at work today for me thinking he did it...when he got home he yelled at me and told me "I told ur *** i didn't do anything!!!!!!!!!!!! ur going back to fl!!!!!" like he was on fire.Luckily he calmed down and said he would never let me get on a plane and go back to florida because he loves me a lot and couldn't live without me and he says if he really wanted to hide these "sites' from me he would of deleted the sites he says he didnt do it but i don't know if i should believe him....the spankwire site is required to be paid for and he said he will give me all the credit card info so i can see he didnt do it and hes trying to prove to me he didnt do it BUT also on spank wire it said something like "you have 0 views for today you get 4 views in4 hrs"....tht makes me think he was on it.do you guys think hes lying?
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at work, fiance, I love you, myspace, porn, the internet Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (27 June 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionyeah I know.....I get it.;/
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reader, anonymous, writes (26 June 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI know It was wrong:/ he cried last night saying I dont trust him & hes tired of fighting.He keeps saying he didnt do it.
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female
reader, Nime  +, writes (26 June 2011):
 Hollister, you're now trying to force your fiance to admit to watching porn by LYING to him about having called Comcast? Don't you think you are taking things a bit far? This is what interrogators do during things like a polygraph (lie detector test). They ask the same question over and over until most people cave in and lie, either out of weariness or the fear that maybe just admitting to the thing they didn't do is better than telling the truth. You will never know whether your fiance is telling the truth if you resort to psychological games and manipulation; at some point he will give you the answer you're looking for just to make you stop. And since the only answer you'll accept is "yes, I did watch porn," he really has no way out of this, does he?
I know you will probably be offended by this, but you may be doing serious damage to your relationship if you are manipulating your fiance over a trust issue like this. I'm questioning whether you could possibly be ready for marriage right now if you can't even find it in you to believe your fiance or, for god's sake, just cut him some slack. If he watched porn what would you do, leave him? My boyfriend has known from the beginning that porn was more or less a deal-breaker for me, but we have been together now for almost 3 years and at this point he has earned my trust and certainly a level of forgiveness. If I discovered he'd started indulging in an occasional release with porn it would be something to discuss, not something I'd burn him and possibly leave him over. When your man has shown you a level of commitment, either through the years or in your case, intent to marry, don't you think he has a right to expect you won't burn him and leave him over relatively trivial matters like viewing porn?
Anyway, I think you are going to lose what sounds like a great guy if you keep this up.
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reader, anonymous, writes (26 June 2011): What strikes me in this, is that your question is he lying? Yet you are lying to him to get to the 'truth'.....
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female
reader, sammy1986  +, writes (26 June 2011):
ok if you believe him maybe he is telling the truth you know him better than any of us do
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reader, anonymous, writes (26 June 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHey thanks guys:) but no sammy you are wrong a lot of customers come in his phone store with other customers info on the phone He even called the company today and they said a lot of the time they don't fully clear out of the phone they do it the BEST they can but web browsers and some apps sometimes arent cleared out. I even told him today that I called Comcast and the phone company (I lied) and i told him that they said someone was viewing explict content from the house hold and that they are going to send us the list of sites,He said he has nothing to hide and to ask whatever company I want and he will provide whatever info I need. he said he did not do it and he said "THINK about it if I did rlly do it wouldnt I of told you?! two days of rlly bad fighting over this I would of told you just to end the fighting but I will not tell you I did something that I never did!"
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female
reader, DenimandLace44 +, writes (25 June 2011):
 I would give him the benefit of doubt. He sounds like a keeper. Odd things happen sometimes to innocent people! If this is the only time then drop it and move on.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (25 June 2011): personally, i think you should give him the benefit of the doubt. I'm no expert but i think maybe you should believe him when he says there were some apps left on the phone and he looked to see what they were. sounds plausible to me...maybe you should calmly discuss with him how you feel about porn and make sure he realises how upset it makes you feel if he were to be looking at sites like that. Then draw a line under it, move on and hopefully it won't happen again.Lying is difficult to prove, I've looked up body language articles to try to pinpoint the signs of when i'm being told a lie. It makes interesting reading! I also found that the more i get to know someone, the easier it is to detect lies.But above all, try to keep your calm! I find the best time to discuss difficult subjects is when you have him relaxing with you, and feeling close. Then calmly bring up whatever is bothering you. It works for me!
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female
reader, sammy1986 +, writes (25 June 2011):
even so through a insurance company everything would of been cleared from the phone
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reader, anonymous, writes (25 June 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionguys you need to realize he didnt get this phone through a PHONE COMPANY he got it thru a INSURANCE COMPANY.
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female
reader, sammy1986 +, writes (25 June 2011):
sorry to upset you but yes sounds like he's lying
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reader, anonymous, writes (25 June 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionok sp most of you are saying he is lying?
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female
reader, sammy1986 +, writes (25 June 2011):
a refurbished phone would have been cleared of all the history and stuff maybe he was on the sites but he was embarassed and realised he had been caught so he denied it i would see if it happens again then if it does you know he has been on them good luck
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reader, anonymous, writes (25 June 2011): LittleMissy, if she make it clear that it is disrespectful of him to watch porn while he is in a R/ship with her
and yet does it behind her back, it is time to say enough is enough because if he really valued the R/ship much he would have kept his word(now i have you so i quit)although it is unlikely for him t do so.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (25 June 2011): I think its hard to tell as sites dont normally appear all by themselves. The "you have 0 views for today you get 4 views in
4 hrs" makes it seem like there has been videos watched though. He could have forgot to delete them?
If he hasnt lied to you before i would probably give him the benifit of doubt especially as he had said earlier some apps appeared there all the settings etc could have been from the previous user. There could be a few other explanations.
And as for porn being a deal breaker if you havent already make that known,do. But you could also point out that if he DID look at porn (even in the future) you'd prefer him to be honest about it rather than lie and then work on it together.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (25 June 2011): Omg my bf said exact same when I knew he'd been on sites... Admitted without being asked that he'd been on when he was single and then added that never looked since he met me. And I sat there knowing that 24 hrs before he'd been on and then was sitting lying about it. It's the lying that's the issue. Killed me for a week before I told him I knew he'd lie. So time will only tell if I ever trust him again :( Good luck
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female
reader, Nime +, writes (25 June 2011):
I may be wrong, but I think a refurbished phone would have been restored to its factory settings (and thus wiped clean), so I doubt your boyfriend found apps or visited links left by the previous user. It sounds like he did visit these sites himself, but it does not sound like he watched anything. Sometimes you click things and don't know how you end up on some of these other sites, you know? Also, there's a chance the phone may not have been properly refurbished.I think the real problem here is why you're giving your boyfriend such a hard time, even if he did watch porn. I understand that many women cannot handle their man watching porn for one reason or another, and I am one of them, but at some point you should be comfortable and open enough with your boyfriend that you can discuss these things easily and have some level of trust, understanding and forgiveness. I think it sounds like you have a nice guy on your hands. You said he didn't mind at all when you accidentally destroyed his phone; he's obviously not materialistic. There are many spoiled young guys today who would absolutely fall apart and never let it go if you did that to their phone. Your boyfriend also leaves his phone out in the open for you to browse. What else does he have to do to earn your trust? How long do you have to be together before he can earn your forgiveness? At some point doesn't he deserve these basic relationship staples? As my brother likes to say, stop focusing on the negative, just stop for a minute and feel the love. I know it sounds corny, but push this stuff out of your mind, hug him and feel the love. You don't need to be worry about this other stuff. Also, I hope you guys aren't planning to sell the phone that went through the wash to anyone without first telling them what happened to it and that it might break. That would be pretty despicable.
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reader, anonymous, writes (25 June 2011): If you trust him and never seen porn history on his now damaged phone there no need to worry he is telling the truth. The only reason he was watching porn is because he was lonely now that he have you he said he quit it. Get over it but keep an eye on him to clear your doubts if you find him on porn then you can conclude that he really never quite like he told in first place
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female
reader, LittleMissy +, writes (25 June 2011):
So what If he was watching porn? If you try control him you will lose him. He may be in a relationship but he's not blind.
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female
reader, a_maldita  +, writes (25 June 2011):
 Well honestly I don't think it's a big deal seeing my bf surfing porn sites and stuffs. Sometimes we need to loosen up a little and have fun... I can't tell if his lying or not.. You just need to believe him I guess and end the conversation.
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female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (25 June 2011):
 I don't know if he lied or not because I don't understand anything about phones and apps, but, if he never has given you any reason to doubt him , he's innocent until proven guilty.
Do you trust him ? Then , end of the story . If he says he did not do it, and you know him as true to his word, then you have to take this word.
Trust is fundamental in any relationship, and if he can't tell " today is Saturday " without you going to check on your calendar, then you don't have a relationship , just a source of strife and anxiety.
I am not saying that's IMPOSSIBLE he has lied because only saints in heaven never lie and never make mistakes. Just that you should not be so ready to withdraw your trust in him on so scant evidence.
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reader, anonymous, writes (25 June 2011): I would trust your gut. Like I say, your brain thinks too much, your heart lies, but your gut always knows what's going down. Masterbating is not unhealthy. Maybe he feels like because he tells you its not okay because of some possible insecurity he may have, he can not be honest with you. In any relationship communication is key, talk to him about it, without making accusations, be comforting about it.
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (25 June 2011): No he's not lying he has a point. He would of deleted the sites. Plus he has every right to be mad at you since he told you the truth and you still didn't believe him. You shouldn't even over react. If you can't trust him don't be with him. He never gave you a reason to be so insecure in the first place. So get over it.
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reader, anonymous, writes (25 June 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionyeah but I dont want him watching the porn he even said over and over before he use to watch it when he was single like a year ago but he said "since the moment I met you I have not watched porn,I use to watch it cuz i was lonely and had a hard time finding a gf.That is disrespectful to watch porn when ur with someone I dont do that crap! You need to trust me"
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reader, anonymous, writes (25 June 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionAnyone??
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reader, anonymous, writes (25 June 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHEEEEEEEEEEEEEEELP I cant sleep i need an answer
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