A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:ok so been with my man for almost 3yrs and we have gone our seperate ways on holiday for the summer i am completely in love with him and would never wanna lose him but wen ppl go away im a believer in the theory that different rules apply!i met a random guy wen i was away and slept with him but it didnt really mean anything - drunken fun!!i would kind of expect and understand if he did the same wen he is away. i believe that it is ok to have a random kiss on holidays with someone and not let it ruin a relationship. i just wanna see if anyone else thinks in the same way??i know sleeping with him was a mistake but it kinda made me realise how much i love my boyfriend and want only him.
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (14 July 2007): You must not be in love with your boyfriend, you apparently don't care if he gets hurt by your selfishness. If you want to be a "big girl", tell him you're messing around but you still love him. If you tell him this, it might hurt him, it might not, maybe he wants to mess around too. If he catches you with bruises on your thighs that look like a man grabbed you, he will definately be hurt. This is a dangerous game you're playing with someone's ego. You could get hurt for real. If he's a real man, he will say "see ya later". I would, only because you cheated on him once, you will do it again. There's 150 million more men in this country alone. Why settle if you're unhappy with him? What's he not doing that you're looking for in other men? Why do you feel the need to be in control? [email address blocked]
A
male
reader, eddie  +, writes (14 July 2007):
 what happens on your stays on your......What kind of garbage is that?.....If I rob a bank and nobody finds out, I'm not guilty of anything, correct?.....good logic.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (13 July 2007): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questioni know wat your saying and i agree with the whole wat happens on tour stays on tour thing - its just a good thing that u realised wat you have with your boyfriend. i dont think you should have slept with him but as long as it doesnt happen again i dont see why things should be ruined! we all have drunken mistakes and i think its important to understand that at the end of the day we are all human!
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A
female
reader, LauraE  +, writes (13 July 2007):
It's only OK if he thinks it's OK.
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A
male
reader, eddie +, writes (13 July 2007):
"I know sleeping with him was a mistake".....The answer to your question is right there. No,it's not OK to cheat on your partner. You figured out it was a mistake because you already had a lover. Why would that be a good idea. IF that is how you feel, you are too young to understand what love means. Your age indicates you're not experienced with the lessons of love. That's not your fault, just the stage of your life you're in.
Also, you've lowered your standards of what you'd expect from him to match you own poor behavior. Since you cheated, you've adjusted your expectations of him to fit what you've done. That way, you can justify your own poor choices. In reality, I don't think you'd be happy knowing he was out having sex with another lady. You have to admit that to yourself.
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A
male
reader, romanticlover +, writes (13 July 2007):
 well we all have drunken fun but its not wise to do it too often if you truly love this man then you will wait for him but if you dont then well find another man
or live your life having drunken fun !!!!!! lol
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A
male
reader, Yos  +, writes (13 July 2007):
 If you are honest and open about this with your boyfriend and he can handle it, then it is ok. It might work, a few couples do manage it, but it's unusual. Usually jealousy gets the better of one or the other person and things turn ugly.
Something useful to bear in mind is the difference between the sexes in terms of how jealousy works:
Women are generally more threatened by 'emotional infidelity', meaning that the idea of a 'meaningless' sexual fling is not that threatening, but another girl becoming emotionally attached to your boyfriend is a bigger problem. That could be why you don't think a one night stand is a big deal... no emotion so no threat.
Men on the other hand are more threatened by 'sexual infidelity'. Meaning that its very hard for us to cope with our partner having sex with someone else. But we're better able to handle our partner having emotional connections with others. This means your boyfriend will probably not mind you having some male friends, but could react very badly to you having sex, even if it is 'meaningless' for you.
Commonly we project our own interpretation onto our partner. Meaning that men expect women to feel jealousy like they do, and vice versa. It's a common cause of misunderstanding.
These sexual differences come from deep within our biology and are not something that you can really change. But understanding them can help cope with jealousy and more 'open' relationships.
Good luck.
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A
female
reader, lah mouw  +, writes (13 July 2007):
 It's good that you realized that after you slept with that other guy. It's not good that you think its okay to go and "fool around" and kiss other people while your boyfriend is away... You know what loyalty is right? Self respect? Respect for him? It's enough to think it's okay to do stuff with other people whilst your boyfriend is away, it's good enough when you think it's okay to fool around with people whilst your boyfriend is away and decline those invitations because you know you're better than that.
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A
male
reader, Danielepew  +, writes (13 July 2007):
 I disagree with the poster.
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A
female
reader, TaylorChu +, writes (13 July 2007):
 one time isnt okay! wake up! just because you did it you think it is probably alright and your guy will accept that? when he comes back and you tell him do you actually think he will be alright with that? you say you love him what if he loves you deeply and his heart is broken because you were unfaithful? see this is what breaks up marriages and causes spouses to go nuts and harm the person they thought loved them. just because you said it didnt mean anything doesnt mean your guy will think the same way. some other man was in you and I doubt your boyfriend is going to find that sexy.
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A
female
reader, LISAG +, writes (13 July 2007):
 As long as this drunken fun is "just a one off" and it really did make you realise what a good thing you have with your b/f then I think one time is ok. If you feel tempted again whilst he's away, I'd say you're not in love. When I've been in love I don't even look at anyone else, let alone consider a random kiss ok... - even when completely drunk. Love is love, one mistake ok but more just proves it's not really love truthfully I believe.
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