A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:PROBLEMS!! Not sure what to think, but I feel like I am getting into a state of depression over my relationship. I have been in plenty of longterm relationships in the past where the man has cheated and I took him back, etc. But this relationship is different!! I have been with my boyfriend for the past (almost) 4 years. He is over a decade older than I am and has never been married or engaged. I am at the point (almost 30) where I need to at least live with him or get engaged, or do something! but he doesnt understand this. He tells me he isnt "ready" to live with me and it hurts. It hurts that I have been in the same spot for the past 4 years and it hurts that I didnt SEE this coming after the first year. I always told myself that I would never waste anytime on a man again, but here I am...in the same place I have been many times before. I am 100% still happy with him, he treats me with respect, loves me dearly, and I trust him with all I have. He doesn't question anything I do, which is great because I have been with some psychos before, and is so easy going. I ask him if he wants children and he says, someday. If he isnt ready to move on with me now, will he ever be? Why doesnt he just tell me this! I tell him that I want time away and he says "if that will make you happy and if you are unhappy with me" but I am not unhappy with him...I am unhappy with the situation. It didnt bother me as much before, but has bothered me a lot in the past month. My 3 roommate is moving out (since I met him) and he told me he will help me look for a roommate. Sorry, but this just isnt right!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! What do I do? BTW: the sex is great...
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female
reader, On Cloud9  +, writes (19 September 2007):
 There maybe a perfectly innocent explanation why he is not ready, but I cannot think of many. It could be that he fears committment or just is not keen on sharing his space. but one things for sure it is not a case of 'too much too soon' - After 4 years he should really have expected this to happen. That is a natural progression within a relationship and I sympathise with you because you will undoubtably be begining to think 'have i wasted all this time'.
Only thing for it now is to arrange a time to sit down and talk about this properly. Don't just spring it on him but let him have a few days to think about what his response is to be and the discuss it properly.
On paper he sounds perfect but he really isn't giving you everything you need is he, he is not giving you security and I sense that is what you need above all. However you need to make this very clear to him and he may surprise you x
A
reader, anonymous, writes (18 September 2007): Hi, Firstly I would need to know how blunt you have been with your partner. Men are no good at reading emotions and sometimes miss the severity of the situation. Your fella sounds like he is everything that you need, he treats you right and even after 4 years you still love him as much as ever. If you havn't sat him down and told him that you NEED some kind of further commitment then you must do this. A woman needs something to look forward to otherwise it turns things stale as they are left in limbo wondering 'if' ever anything will change and life is too short to sit on a string waiting, only for the partner to turn round and say, no move, no marriage, no kids. My advice to you would be, put to your partner what you want to happen with your relationship. Listen to what he wants for your relationship but also question why he wants this and don't be fobbed off! If I can help you further, please get back in touch.
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