A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:heyi have this boyfriend.. we have been together for 2 years and we havent had sex till now... i am not quite ready for it and well my guy hasnt pressured me either... which is nice. we are both virgins and we are both 23.yesterday was our 3rd year anniversary so i thought of giving him a blow job to commemorate the day...and yeah, that was first time i have gone down on a guy. things started well enough, it took a while for me to get him hard but he would keep losing his erection! i dont know wat i was doing wrong! this went on for about 20 mins and finally he asked me to stop coz he was feeling sore. and then he told me he doesnt know wat went wrong coz normally when he jerks off he cums in like 5 mins.i told him that is was ok but the truth is i feel very inadequate. did i do something wrong? is he not turned on by me? he didint indicate that i was doin anything wrong... and he seemed to be enjoying it.i am really upset! i know i should talk to my guy but i dont want him to feel bad.does this happen to other guys too?samantha
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reader, anonymous, writes (19 February 2010): No need to worry! I had this exact problem with my boyfriend the first time I gave him oral sex (& the first time I had ever given it). He couldn't really get/stay hard and couldn't cum. He had to ask me to stop after awhile. We were both thoroughly embarassed afterward. There are a number of reasons why this might not have worked and none of them are necessarily you! It could be stress, nervousness, tiredness, distraction, even hunger! The good news is, you can both get over this. I'd also like to suggest that you read some articles online about how to give oral sex to a man. This will help give you some tips and ideas on what to do. The next thing to do is practice! The more you do it, the better you'll get at it! After the first time I gave him oral sex I did these things. I attempted it again, and the next time he got hard and came...and it has worked every single time since then! Now, he loves it and is blown away everytime I do it for him. So it's not the end of the world if it didn't work the first time! You can still get it right!
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female
reader, Bam4Me  +, writes (21 September 2009):
Think on this one, he may think he is taking advantage of you and therefore, if he respects you, that is a turn off for him.
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male
reader, CaringGuy  +, writes (21 September 2009):
From a male point of view, I'd say that you didn't do anything wrong. Remember that if he masturbates, his grip will be pretty hard and there's no way your mouth will be able to compete with that. So get him to stop masturbating and then the more delicate touch of your mouth will be far more appealing. Also, if it was your first time (and his), then he might have been nervous. Maybe research a few techniques if you like? Have fun. x
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reader, anonymous, writes (21 September 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionhey thanks for t eadvice...
it was his first time recieving one too.. i talked to him about how i felt and he told me i was good... it just that he was feeling all he comfortable.. he was nt sure why he couldnt stay hard....
and for those who gave me tips on how to do it... well i had incorporated all of that into my act.. i am a girl who likes to watch porn as much as my bf... so yeah i know what you guys are talking about...
may be i'll make him jerk off in front of me next time... so i'll have a better idea of how he gets off
thanks again
samantha
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female
reader, loner  +, writes (21 September 2009):
 Hi sam, there is nothing to be upset about, it happens every now and then, ranges from person to person. What i done at first, after our first time turned out about the same as yours, i done some 'research' i watched a bit of porn, watched how other girls and guys done blowjobs, you really learn a lot. Also do yourself a favour and speak to him, say to him, 'listen, not to be funny or anything but tell me how you want it done, or show me what i can do to make it more enjoyable for us both' i was terrible at first, i think i still am but he says its really amazing.... As the old saying, 'practice makes perfect'
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male
reader, joe26  +, writes (21 September 2009):
 probably he was a bit nervous having you to do that or he masturbates alot. just take the things slow next time when you go down, more cuddling and kissing before going down. Sometimes guys likes gentle and long stroke while performing oral. And the most importent thing is ask him what he likes, how he wants to be touched or what turns him the most? hope it helps.cheersx
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reader, Heartbroken in love +, writes (21 September 2009):
ok give it another try. this time put urself in the male frame of mind.. use ur hands to slowly stroke him. dont squeeze too hard and make ur strokes long and slow while he is in ur mouth. and also dnt be afraid to moan a little while u blow him. it was ur first time honey dont feel inadequate. slow and smooth and play with his head with ur tounge. and actually suck. u will have him cumming in no time and he will thnk he has the best gf in the world
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reader, Candleman +, writes (21 September 2009):
 Ok, my brother had similar problems so what I am about to say is based on knowledge and a proven method that worked for him.... That said...Like my brother, your boyfriend is a late bloomer in regards to sex. Bro not only had a problem with erections, but once he did get erections, he had problems with premature ejaculation with vaginal sex. Solution for him that fixed both of these was Viagra. Even helped the premature ejaculation part(in case this issue happens in the future I mention it.) So what is going on with this? The likely answer is the lack of experience and the nerves that are associated with having sexual relations for if not the first time, then the first time in a long time (don't know if he ever had a bj before.) Not only that, but since your boyfriend masturbates, then he has become used to this form of sexual gratifaction. He does it a certain way. His mind and body have gotten used to having it done this way. Combined with the nerves and the fact that you were doing it a different way would cause him to not keep his erection. Now, viagra is an easy solution to the problem, but you probably will want to work on a natural way to get over this. For premature ejaculation which may arise in the future, it will be much harder to overcome naturally, but still can be done (definately recommend viagra for this if it happens.) The first thing you will want to do is have him show you how he masturbates himself. How he strokes his penis. How often he pauses. His whole routine. You could have him mastubate and watch to learn, or you can masturbate him and have him coach you. Highly recommend doing both of these. You can also help him masturbate which would help create the new mental framework that you are building up by incorporating the old with the new. Obviously one of the problems was your lack of experience. Don't worry, women weren't born with a blow job instinct. It takes time and practice which means patience and an open mind. A good blowjob incorporates the mouth and the hands working on the penis. When you give him his blowjobs, remember how he strokes it and use this along with traditional blowjob actions. Other BJ tips...don't focus on the penis all the time...explore other parts of his body, his legs, stomach etc. use your feet and rub them on his body. Suck on it like your trying to give it a hickie, nibble on it, clench your teeth on it, go fast, slow, medium etc etc (just don't bite...lol) It is important to get feedback from him. Tell him to moan or provide positive feedback in some way when something is working especially well. Also, have him tell you if something is not working or is unpleasant (like biting..) In time, his mind and body will expand to incorporate the new experiences he is having. He will then be much calmer during the act and less likely to have erection problems (if he still does, then get Viagra.)Be sure to reassure each other and be patient. Remember to communicate with each other and probably most important is for you two to enjoy yourselves while exploring.Have Fun
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reader, baddogbj  +, writes (21 September 2009):
 Something is not altogether right. Generally for a 23 year old guy getting his first ever blow job it would be over in minutes. My guess is that for whatever reason he was feeling uncomfortable / nervous as that can certainly have that effect.
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reader, anonymous, writes (21 September 2009): since both you are virgins and it's your first time going down on him, he nor you wouldn't know what to expect. in time, you will begin to familiarize yourselves and become far less worried about what had happen.first time usually doesn't turn out right, which is why practice is always the key to making this a more special and more intimate act.you'll be alright. just talk to each other and love like this will never die.
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male
reader, tonik +, writes (21 September 2009):
 Hello Samantha, usually its difficult for virgins to adapt the "sex" thing, as first times are really the hardest, so I think your boyfriend was frustrated and sometimes that runs through the guy's brain (disturbing the blood flow) and it stops the blood from going to the penis. Yeah when he jerks off he gets the full erection maybe because he watches porn while doing that or look at nude pictures. It might be possible that he found no interest when you were giving him a "BJ" because he was not aroused that much, I think giving your boyfriend a BJ didn't turn him ON at all, he maybe wants a real thing to happen. When you are ready to have sex, you will find out what's going on with him but for now, it is difficult to tell, because you don't know how he is when he's getting the real thing. So from my side, I am saying you really can't tell now. Hope this helps :)
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