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I don't want to be gay!!

Tagged as: Gay relationships, Teenage<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (24 February 2011) 19 Answers - (Newest, 9 March 2011)
A male United States age 30-35, *jtluc555 writes:

I am a Baptist Christian guy. I know the Bible prohibits homosexuality, or bisexuality etc. But I feel attracted to mens bodies. It's not like I love men. It's lust. And with girls I'm not attracted to their bodies as much but I love them for who they are. So am I gay? And if I am, how do I turn straight? I don't want to be gay, I'm not gonna contradict the Bible or God. I just want to stop getting turned on by guys.

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A female reader, savannahg South Africa +, writes (9 March 2011):

savannahg agony auntyou know theres not exactly a cure 4 what u are going through pray to god im sure you will find a way to get turned away from homosexuality but u need to trust your heart and if you really dont wanna like men then you dont, gods not exactly gonna hate you 4 liking men, he loves everyone the way they are i should know my sister is lesbian and shes trying to get out of it too. my family is heavy christian but also very under standing. god will always love u 4 who you u are. good luck

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A male reader, kjtluc555 United States +, writes (9 March 2011):

kjtluc555 is verified as being by the original poster of the question

Umm, as for where the bible speaks against homosexuality, read Leviticus 18:22. In fact read around it if you want. I'm not taking it out of context. And it's pretty obvious that it's not symbolic or metaphorical, so it must be literal. Anyway, I've been talking to some friends, my family, and my pastor. They've been helping me and I pray daily for God to help me fight the sexual attraction to men. I still struggle but I'm getting there. I appreciate all the answers, and I know ALL of you are trying to help, but I've found my place in the opposite direction of where you were pointing. I'm not sure if it would have been wrong to continue in homosexuality, but I know it was making me miserable to be caught in that situation. I'm actually happier this way in case you're wondering. Thank you all for trying help.

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A female reader, largentsgirl89 United States +, writes (2 March 2011):

largentsgirl89 agony auntGod made you. He made you the way you are. Whether you believe homosexuality is "caused" by environmental factors, biological ones or if it's just God's grand design or whatever, you cannot help who you are and fighting what you want or in this case who you want is only going to cause you future problems. Most of them mentally.

There are a lot of people who deny who they are because they believe it is the wrong path and they shouldn't go down it and who later in life realize they made a mistake. This usually happens when the person is married with children and then leaves his/her wife/husband for another man or another woman.

God made all of his children in his image. If my son were to tell me he is gay, I wouldn't condemn him. I love my son, no matter what. Wouldn't God feel the same. Homosexuality has been around as long as there have been straight people and only when the Bible came out did anyone have a problem with it.

I wish you the best of luck on whatever path you decide to take.

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A male reader, AvgGuy1 United States +, writes (26 February 2011):

AvgGuy1 agony auntI should pipe in here that you DON'T have to give up your spiritual/religious beliefs. You may need to change churches (i.e. go to a non-baptist church).

Check your local listings for the MCC (Metropolitan Community Church).

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A male reader, Boonridge McPhalify United Kingdom +, writes (25 February 2011):

Boonridge McPhalify agony auntchristianity is not fact- its a religion with a book written by people who existed years ago. you might not accept that but it didn't float down from the sky. it was written by people for people and has a spiritual dimension, but if you believe jesus was god, then god didn't write the bible because jesus was long gone before it got written. i did study religious education in school (catholic) so i had monks tell me stuff about the scripture. i was taught not to take things too literally. clearly they believed it but they were also well educated and intelligent.

having a spiritual beielf is important (i personally think necessary to be happy- thats just me), but if you cannot look beyond what you have been indoctrinated with then you will always be trapped by other peoples beliefs set in stone and forced into your mind. there is more to spirituallity than simply what you have been told.

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A male reader, gaydating United States +, writes (25 February 2011):

Hey, you can fight this for how long you want, but let me tell you, you wont change a thing...I'm Christian too, and yes I know that I wasnt born this way and I know I didnt chose to be this way, but some how I started to feel attraction for men...I tried fighting this because I wanted to "follow God" in every possible way....I tried for years maybe 10 or more....almost every night I would ask/beg God to change this, and let me tell you what He hasnt changed a thing...I tried to do it by myself and so far I havent got any results..the only thing I got, was that I hurt my self more for trying to be some one who supposedly the Bible wants me to be....now, I have come to accept I'm gay, and I'm in then middle of the process of coming out and I feel GREAT more than ever...because of Christianity I tried to kill myself more than once thankfully God didnt permitted it...but anyways, what I know, I havent seen in the Bible where it states that HOMOSEXUALITY is a bad thing...yes there are some verses that talk about that God made man and woman to be together and blah blah blah....my friend, the sooner you accept it, the better for you, otherwise you will ended hurting yourself more and you would regret that...I found out that a guy, who I used to have a crush on when I was in high school, had a crush on me too, but now it is too late....and I regret for not telling him earlier , but i was too scare that ppl where going to find out...btw my dad is a pastor and I'm planing to come out to him soon..anyways, good luck

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A male reader, kjtluc555 United States +, writes (25 February 2011):

kjtluc555 is verified as being by the original poster of the question

Thank you for the encouraging answers. Just to clarify: God did not make me gay. I somehow stumbled into it but I started out normal. Thanks, but I prefer to follow Gods word as much as I can. I already mess up enough, I don't need to mess up more with this. GBU

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A male reader, kjtluc555 United States +, writes (25 February 2011):

kjtluc555 is verified as being by the original poster of the question

Well I'm very encouraged by some of your answers. Others are a bit depressing. Let me just clarify something: God didn't make me gay. I started out straight and somewhere along the line (I don't know where) I messed up. So thank you for trying to help. I know you all have good intentions (or at least I'm pretty sure) and I appreciate that. But to me, Christianity is not my religion. It's my life. To me it's a fact. I don't abandon fact for convenience. God bless you :)

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (25 February 2011):

Just finding men attractive does not make you gay. It is about wanting to spend the rest of your life with them. And as for god, he loves everyone.

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A male reader, AvgGuy1 United States +, writes (24 February 2011):

AvgGuy1 agony auntSorry to tell you this... but if you're gay there isn't a whole lot you can do about it. You can't 'go straight' any more than you can change your eye color. You CAN practice celibacy but I'll bet that doesn't last long. NO ONE would CHOOSE to be gay, and 'choosing' to be straight won't work either... in the long run. If you make the mistake of getting married to some woman, you'll probably only end up eventually hurting her by, at some point, coming out. If you continue on this self-loathing path, my guess is, you'll only end up suicidal.

Unfortunately, there's nothing I, nor anyone else, can do to help you resolve this issue... it's something that you have to work on internally. The sooner that you accept, and love, yourself for who you are the better off you will be in the long run. I'm sure, that the base for all this internal turmoil is your religious beliefs. In order to obtain any sort of long term happiness you're going to have to reconcile your beliefs with your feelings.

It's just up to you to find out what that reason is and to fulfill your destiny.

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A male reader, df30 United States +, writes (24 February 2011):

I know its something that seems natural or something you can't escape. Earlier poster's said why would God make you this way if he thought it was wrong? I think God did make you this way for a reason.

No one is made exactly the same, I believe that God makes people a certain way and gives them certain strengths and weaknesses. Like an athlete preparing for a season they must work on their weaknesses and conquer them in order to succeed. God works much the same, obstacles will be thrown in your path, you must be tenacious in your efforts to realize the obstacles are there and overcome them. It's part of making a stronger better you for God. Fighting this temptation and overcoming this obstacle may make you a stronger better person in order to do God's work. Everyone is born with their problems and weaknesses the question God wants to know is how hard are you willing to work to beat them?

Besides this temptation effects everyone I believe, some worse than others but it does happen. Stay strong to your beliefs. In the end your word is all you have and your actions prove the value of your word.

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A female reader, largentsgirl89 United States +, writes (24 February 2011):

largentsgirl89 agony auntTrying to stop being gay is like trying to stop being straight. Homosexuality is a big issue, especially in religion. What I don't understand is people claim the bible says that homosexuality is against God, but if it is, then why would God make someone gay?

Isn't he supposed to love all of his children? No matter what? Unconditional love and all that?

Are you sure God wrote that part or was it a man trying to put his own beliefs into the Holy Bible so people would accept the idea that homosexuality is bad? Homosexuality dates back and back and back. For as long as their have been straight men and women there are gay men and women.

People preach about homosexual marriage ruining the sanctity of marriage? How about the celebrities who are getting married for publicity or who stay married for about ten seconds before they get a divorce? What about that?

If you are gay. Then be gay. Don't try to change yourself to meet societies standards or expectations. You can't change who you are, anymore than I can change that I'm a straight woman.

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A male reader, Boonridge McPhalify United Kingdom +, writes (24 February 2011):

Boonridge McPhalify agony auntnobody WANTS to be gay, but some people are. from a statistical point of view you will have more opportunities for love as a heterosexual, plus having kids comes naturally.

BUT if you are homosexual then you have to grow up and accept yourself. life is not meant to be easy- just look at the bible, but what you have to do is make the most of what you DO have. remember the parable of the three men with the talents? use what you have and make the most of it-

if you believe that god made everything then why would he make you the way you are if he thought it was wrong? it just doesn't add up. people are the way they are and beating yourself up over something when you had no choice in the matter is not going to make your life better.

lying is never the way to go about things

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A male reader, BrownWolf Canada +, writes (24 February 2011):

BrownWolf agony aunt

Actually...it is against GOD will to be gay in the Bible...

Leviticus 20:13...If a man has sexual relations with another man, they have done a disgusting thing, and both shall be put to death. They are responsible for their own death.

And that is what GOD told Moses. Not someone's idea.

However, people will alway fight against any rule or law when they want to do that thing really bad. Like a smoker who is told not to. They know it bad for them, but they want to, and so they fight against what they are told.

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A male reader, crazybeast United Kingdom +, writes (24 February 2011):

crazybeast agony auntThe bible isn't to be taught or just read, it is for a member of that religion to read and interprit in there own way, I have read the bible and the known "homophobic" paragraphs that prohibits homosexuality to me are just messages, in no way shape or form does the bible say it is against god to be gay. To me it says to love one and another and yourself.

I'm sorry to say but there is no way to stop being gay.

Yes there are the religous route to stop thinkin homosexual thoughts through religion but this just leaves people more confused and angry at themselves and no pain like that should be endured for the rest of there life.

Obviously you have an atraction to men but still can be in love with women... If you go into a relationship with a women but can't find her sexually atractive she will be put through pain because you dont find her atractive. But you find men sexually atractive and if you went into a relationship with a man you wouldn't be able to live him... In my opinion your still coming to terms of your sexual identity and you will one day think to yourself.. Ohh I'm... Etc.

If your gay... and what? You can still live out a complete and spiritual life while still being in love with a man it might seem strange to you but it is true.

I have to ask, what would you put first... Your own mental health and happiness or your religion?

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (24 February 2011):

You need to consult a Doctor may be a sex specialist, so that you should decide whether you should be a man or woman so that accordingly you can change your sex(through surgery) and live a good life. Your talking about homosexuality, God never accept it, because God gave every organ in our body for good purpose but human being using it in many wrong ways for that they will face but as for good people he gave sex organs to have children not only for enjoyment, so use it as God expects you to be.

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A male reader, sobes4444 United States +, writes (24 February 2011):

sobes4444 agony auntYou are homosexual, there is no denying it, and this isn't something that you can just go along and just forget about, you shouldn't want to be not gay, it's your body's desire, you can't resist, just go to a friend and openly admit that you are attracted to men and then see how they react, and even if the bible prohibits gays, then let it be if your god made you this way, he didn't make you there to be an abomination on purpose, embrace yourself and not what your religion demands.

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A female reader, Eilish United Kingdom +, writes (24 February 2011):

Eilish agony auntI'm afraid once you turn gay then there is no way you can turn straight again. You can't control it either. If you are gay then you'll have to accept that it's who you are. Maybe you're just a little bit confused. It's sounds to me that the way you get attracted to men is a bit more on the lust side than actually being in a relationship with a man. Maybe you should have a talk with yourself to find out who you are, and be certain of that. xxx

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A male reader, JustinNki United States +, writes (24 February 2011):

JustinNki agony auntim around the same age as you, and i know how you feel, i never wanna marry a guy i think its socity and rules that put gay marrage in my head is wrong, but in the past i have messed around with a guy but i dont see anything wrong with it, ive hooked up with a girl.

i just feel, id rather have one night stands and get turned on by a guys body then degrate a girl and use her for sex, when guys are out for the same thng.

lol i dont think i helpeed but good luck

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