A
female
age
,
anonymous
writes:I am married to a gorgeous guy much younger than me and we are basically very happy. I just need helpwith one thing...... he really stares at other women. I've talked to him about it and he reassures me how muchhe loves me and says he finds it very difficult not to do. I know all men look at girls, particularly if they are gorgeous, but last night at a wedding together, he couldn't keep his eyes off one of the waitresses. Yes Isaw all the men eyeing her, but she was making eye contact with him all the time and I know that was because she was aware how much he was watching her. At one time she was hanging around inbetween her duties and he just sat fixed on her. Although I know he loves me, I find this very disconcerting and very uncomfortable to be around. But what do I do? I've told him how I feel and yes I know I'm more insecure because of the age difference, but I'm a very attractive woman myself, so its not that I'm some dreary old bird. But I just don't know how to get over this one. I thought I'd dealt with it, by realising my own worth in the relationship, but yesterday it reared its ugly head again, and it makes me feel so unhappy. I don't want to keep on to him about it, or it will make him feel uncomfortable when we're out. But HELP PLEASE - what do I do? Thanks a lot.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (1 April 2008): I personally would have a hard time putting up with that type of behavior. I see it as disrespectful to you and extremely RUDE! Something needs to be said. There is no reason for that type of sexist pig behavior. Ask him to look up the word "descreet". GOOD GRIEF! How in the world are you supposed to feel? I know it would anger me, cause insecurity, doubt, trust and loyal issues or at least question it. I'm sorry but he just is not showing any consideration or respect for his wife at all.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (19 February 2008): I agree with the poster below, you should give him a taste of his own medicine. Don't just look at guys, stare and gawk at them. Establish eye contact throughout the night with someone. And sometimes act like you don't hear your husband because you're intensely staring at a guy. He really needs to know that what he's doing is inappropriate and if what you do makes him insecure then he'll make an effort to be more respectful. Oh, also start looking at male porn on the internet if he's doing it, and make sure they're spectacular and well-hung young guys.
As for smiling and being nice to the other women, great job! :-) It shows that you're the better woman and you're also not letting her see that she's bothering you (I probably would have cornered her in the bathroom and beat her up!)
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A
female
reader, Laura1318  +, writes (19 February 2008):
 The antidote for men staring at gorgeous girls is to be gorgeous and sexily dressed yourself .
Then you will be the center of attractions where ever you go and he will get uncomfortable with all those strangers staring at you.
He may then tell you to cover up or dressed more decently.
This is the time when you can bring up this issue of him ogling at girls.
If he likes to ogle at girls , then you enjoy being ogled at.He will get the message.
It is not in the nature of women to ogled at men because , you may give the men the wrong message and invite troubles.
Beware of your body language .Don't send out invitations when you don't need it.
You did the right things by smiling at that women . If you stared at her , it would be no class.
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A
male
reader, leonard j. Douglas  +, writes (18 February 2008):
If he isn't looking at other women he's dead, that's what all of us men do, but then most of us men don't make it quite so obveus,that is if we have a brain in our heads.you might want to point out your justifiable dislike for his crass behavior,that is really uncalled for in any man.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (18 February 2008): I think that is way out of line. You shouldn't have to explain that to him. Sure we all know guys look at, or rather, glance at a pretty girl every now and then, but not like that. That's inappropriate. To just flat out stare at her all night. No. Well since you both are married and its not like you can just walk out of the relationship easily, and you've tried talking to him and that doesn't work, so what I would do is STOP talking and give him a taste of his own medicine just to test the waters. You're an attractive woman so attention must come easily to you. I would start staring at other men and flat out flirting with other guys right in front of him. I'm serious. Do your thing girl, and see his reaction. Its possible he will get really jealous and say something about it. And when he does, that's your chance to say to him, "well you do it all the time so I figured it wouldn't bother you." And its possible he will get the hint and stop staring at girls altogether. I hope that works. And I know for a fact that making a guy jealous has worked on countless guys to keep them in line and make them a little more faithful. Its ironic but its true and it works. But it doesn't always work cause it depends on how much the guy likes you. Is this a new thing or has he always been this way?? If he has always been this way, then the making him jealous strategy is likely to work in your favor. But if this is a new thing, then it is possible that he has lost interest in this relationship and might have a wandering eye. In that case, no amount of flirting on your part is going to make him too jealous or is going to make him change his ways. My ex boyfriend started doing that after a few years together and I soon realised it was the beginning of the end for us. His heart was just not into our relationship and he would scope out every single girl in the room in the most obvious manner possible. It was so insulting. I felt like I wasn't even with him. It was humiliating. So like I said, it depends. It could be a signal that something is missing in your relationship. Or it could just be that he needs a taste of his own medicine to keep him in line. The best way to find out is to do as I said and do what he does to you and see his reaction. His reaction will say it all.
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A
female
reader, hlskitten +, writes (18 February 2008):
 I think you acted good towards the woman. Always the best way to be. Women rile me a bit if they are obviously gawping at a guy im with, i kind of take it as a bit of an insult, but you're definately better off just smiling at her.
Shows her you're confident hes only looking and not worried about anything more.
C xxxxx
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A
female
reader, AskEve +, writes (18 February 2008):
 You did the right thing, to smile at her while thinking to yourself. "Yes he IS gorgeous isn't he... and he's MINE!!!!"
You have nothing to worry about here with your husband, just make sure to "feed" him regularly... use those womanly wiles god gave you have fun.
Best wishes,
~Eve~
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (18 February 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHi to all you kind people that replied to me. You've no idea how much better I feel now. It was really bugging me because I just didn't know how to respond to the situation at the time, to him, and even to her - for she was making no secret of the fact she fancied him either - but...... in writing a reply to one kind person, I remembered what I used to say to him - which is good, for one it makes me realise I mustn't have been concious of this for a while, but I used to ask him IF HE WAS HUNGRY !!! This came about because he's Turkish, and they have very little sexual experince - though they all like to make out they are macho lovers, - because the girls they marry must be virgins, so how and where do the men get their experience, quick answer is - they don't. But one Turkish guy told me Turkish men were very easily led because they are hungry (sexually). I asked my husband if this was true and he said it was, but that he wasn't any more (what else would he say girls :))))) so after that I realised for one thing, and again thank you for I'm just remembering this as I write, his interest in porn and looking at other women was actually a sign of his inadequacy, not mine, and it also made the situaition a bit more light hearted, when instead of accusing him I just asked if he was hungry. So I shall go back to doing that. Thank you so much for all your help. You'll never know how relieved I feel now. Just one thing - any tips on how I should have been towards her? I smiled a lot at her and was very friendly, trying to let her see she didn't bother me, and I also thought it was beter to keep friendly with the enemy. Any thoughts please? Once again, thanks a lot. xxxx
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A
female
reader, AskEve +, writes (18 February 2008):
Do you trust him? Are you happy and confident with yourself? If the answer is yes to those 2 questions then you have nothing to worry about. We all get a little jealous sometimes when we see our partner eyeing up another woman, it's only natural. The female form can be beautiful (and no, I'm not bi lol). Let him know you don't mind him looking from time to time and add "hey I do it myself" but tell him there's looking and drooling. Next time he drools go and find someone else to converse with, even if it is a nice looking guy. He'll soon wonder where you are and I'll guarantee he'll come looking for you. Once the shoe's on the other foot and he gets a taste of his own medicine he'll soon get the message.
Meanwhile continue to look good, be fun to be with and be all you can be with him in the bedroom. Spice up your love life, try new things, wear sexy lingerie, seduce him or take the lead, ask him what really turns him on and put it into action. Men are very visual creatures so take advantage of that fact when you're on your own together. Be confident and assertive in your own skin, this is a massive turn on for a guy, that along with looking good (which I'm sure you do) and you'll have him eating out of the palm of your hand.
~Eve~
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A
female
reader, speedcat  +, writes (18 February 2008):
Is he giving a once over or is he staring hard? Theres a difference. Giving a once over I think is normal all men look when it turns into there neck bending and twisting to see your front and back and then continues to watch you walk away well thats a little disrespectful. Do you think hes actually sleeping with another? How old is he? you dont state. Many men look, I myself was walking through the mall with a friend the other day and this guy who was with his girlfriend gave me and my friend the lookover then he proceeded to turn his neck more and more just to keep staring I dont think he was in the least worried about his girlfriend or how she felt. Shit my own boyfriend does looks at other woman when were out and he is TEN years older than me(and im not ugly either girl!) granted he does try to hide it but its so obvious to me! As long as its not outta control then hey so what. Hell I love looking at a hott guy dont you? keep us posted and if you think hes not cheating and its just purely looking then try nto not let it bother you, and as far as you being older he would not be with you if he wasnt attracted to you remember that. keep us posted.
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A
female
reader, hello1 +, writes (18 February 2008):
 Some men are worse than others. He was being out of order by making it so obvious and by keeping on looking. You really should have said something at the time, like I know your watching her.
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A
female
reader, bemused  +, writes (18 February 2008):
 I agree with the other posters than men are visual and I also think it does not mean a lot when they are partnered and give other women the once over. Men do seem to notice women who are fun and engaged with life...not just drop dead gorgeous and sexy.Most of us women have had experience where a man gives us the once over while they are with their partners. We know it means nothing, he knows it means nothing as the woman they are with is the one with whom they have love and history. I really would not sweat this one too much. Society is always a little tougher when it is the woman who is older than her partner but that is really changing as more and more women are with younger men. Remember there is a whole lot of life experience and confidence you have...celebrate it. Good luck and keep us posted
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A
female
reader, TELLULAH +, writes (18 February 2008):
 It's funny, but when I was younger, I wasnt aware of my husband doing this, and yet he went off with another girl. I met someone else eventually, and he looked at other girls all the time. He never made me insecure about him going off, he was too busy trying to ruin my life in other ways. I have had a few B.F's in between some have looked and some havn't. The one I am with now, and hope to stay with, definatly look's. But he is so lovely to me, I take it as part of his make-up.When it comes down to sexy women, most men are twats. Does it mean that they dont love you and would go off. NO I dont think it does. Its just there way, thats all.XXX
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A
female
reader, hlskitten +, writes (18 February 2008):
HiIts a well known fact that guys are more visual than women, and women even look at other guys, its not so terrible, so i think unless you pop blinkers on him, then you are onto a loser there. But IF he is over doing it, making it way too obvious he is staring, thats just plain rude towards you to be honest. Obviously you dont want him to be stressed when he goes anywhere, but he needs to accept its disrespecful the level of it. You dont say his age, but he should have some common sense there, unless hes mega young!C xxxxx
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A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (18 February 2008):
 Men are hardwired to visual stimulation, I think. It's kind of amusing to watch the "reboot" sequence take place, after the system crash caused by an absolutely gorgeous woman bouncing past!My husband too likes to look at attractive women, and he has made the mistake too of going a bit too slack-jawed over a really sexy woman while I was with him. I talk to him about it afterwards to let him know it bothered me, and we usually wind up laughing about it, and he manages to remember that I'm sitting next to him the next time.I have on occasion actually removed myself from his presence long enough for him to 'come to,' snap out of it, and realize that I'm nowhere around. I honestly don't think he's going to be unfaithful to me, so other than my real irritation with him at the time, I get over it. On these occasions, I usually try to find an attractive man to talk to so that when he does eventually snap out of it and comes looking for me, I'm having a nice conversation and laughing with a good-looking man other than himself. The 'reboot' sequence has normally been completed by this time and he becomes very concerned with my feelings.And that's what this is about, after all, your feelings. If I were you, I'd give him a bit of his own medicine, and maybe the system won't crash next time you're out together.
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A
female
reader, Laura1318 +, writes (18 February 2008):
You need to accept the fact that he is that way and it is not easy to change.If he is a crab and walks sideways and you married him , don't expect him to walk forward and not sideways.You should be confident and secure in his love. His eyes are born for looking...Blame it on testosterone in his body.
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A
male
reader, Namatjira +, writes (18 February 2008):
I do not know how you discuss this with him, but it is important to tell him how it makes you feel when you realise he is doing this. It is natural to expect some admiration of a good looking person of the opposite sex (or same sex in a gay relationship) but it is not acceptable to start drooling and otherwise making it difficult.He should be more sensitive to your concerns and you need to be tolerant to a reasonable extent. It is hard of course to figure out just what is tolerable and reasonable.Is he a passionate man? If so then you have the option of always leaving him too pooped to pop, so to speak. If in your intimate life you exhaust him in all the best and interesting ways and keep the sexual magic going, then even though he may look it is likely that his interest will lessen.Most men who are with (in every way) a very turned on sexy bird regardless of any age difference will realise that it is something exceptional in that area and be reluctant to put it at risk. This will not be a conscious decision but more a subconscious one that will still have the desired effect for you.Good luck
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