A
female
age
36-40,
*atiehenderson
writes:How close can a guy be to him female friends when in a committed relationship with a girl?What are the things that a boyfriend can and cannot do with female friends when he is committed to someone? Reply to this Question
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (9 May 2011): Some girls can be friends with guys and other girls "act" like they only like the guy as a friend, listen to their problems and agree with everything the guy says, and can be very persistent and manipulative, and men sometimes don't get what their real motives are, which gets them into trouble with their girlfriends. It's inappropriate for female friends to hang out, go out for a meal, whatever, without including the male friends' girlfriend. And a man who is not upfront about it, and keeps it to themselves, is most certainly hiding something and really can't be trusted, or doesn't respect their other half enough to do the right thing. For example, if the female friends invites the male friend to dinner, the male should respond by saying, that would be really nice, I will ask my girlfriend/wife if she would like to go, or instead invite her over for a meal. If this is a problem for the female friend and she says she wants just the two of them to go, to "catch up", HUGE red flag....you just don't go there anymore when you are involved with someone.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (27 April 2011): I think it's very easy for woman to be friends with men, but unless you are gay, men do not know how to be friends with girls without there being some kind of sexual something attached to it...eventually, at some time, at some moment. If woman are not remotely attracted to the guy, they simply do not have any interest in anything else but friendship.
Men think they are doing girls a favor (or maybe for themselves) by not telling their significant other that they are getting phone calls or texts from their "supposed female friends" because they know the girl doesn't like it, and when he isn't doing anything wrong. However, withholding this information, is hiding something....if it didn't matter or wasn't important, than the man should be forthcoming instead of not saying anything at all, or lying about it when asked straight up.
Men could avoid a whole lot of grief, by just being honest and upfront........what a concept....
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A
male
reader, shawncaff  +, writes (23 April 2011):
 I wrote an article called "The Myth of Best Friends of the Opposite Sex" for this site:http://www.dearcupid.org/question/the-myth-of-best-friends-of-the-opposite.htmlOK, it wasn't picked up by the New York Times Opinions page, but it got 15 replies if you want to check it out.Personally, I stick to my guns: I think friends of the opposite sex are certainly possible, but NOT best friends. Our partners expect (rightly so) that they should be our best friends. It would be downright weird to me if my future wife also had a male best friend!So you can be casual friends, but it is mandatory that you not get to the point where you are like a best friend (i.e., confiding in that person very personal details, seeing him or her several times a week, talking into the night, etc.).
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (22 April 2011): There is such a thing as emotional cheating its when you dont confide emotionally in your partner but do in a close friend of the opposite sex. I've got jealous before when my partner was spending time with another girl and confiding in her, even if there was nothing sexual going on.
The easy way to get round this is just to invite your gf along when you meet up with your female friend.
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A
female
reader, janniepeg  +, writes (22 April 2011):
 I will feel more secure if my boyfriend tells me he is not attracted to that female friend, and he thinks of her as a sister. He should not drink with her alone. He should spend more days with me than with her. I would never date a guy who parties at night but that's off topic. Luckily my boyfriend does not drink, does not party so I give him more freedom because he is trustworthy.
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A
male
reader, krit +, writes (22 April 2011):
 The answer is Very close but without even noticing it. Yes it could also even closer than my girlfriend. But most of girls get insecure over it and start acting aloof. What they don't understand is that it is something something we do on unconsious level. People tend to lossen up and speak their mind with person they know from a long time and are comfortable with, ie , "friends". My girlfriend cannot replace my friend and vice versa. We connect on emotional level with our friends. And with our parters on emotional and spiritual level along with added pleasure of physical intimacy. We KNOW the difference and act accordingly. So I don't think that there is a so called THIN LINE between a friendship and relationship but there's a huge Wall . But it breaks if person involved has blurr vision and is unsure about his needs from the other person. Act like his girlfriend not like his friend to him and then see the magic. You'll always will be on his MIND.
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A
male
reader, Danielepew  +, writes (22 April 2011):
 My impression is that you'd know all this, without asking, if you weren't already trying to overstep.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (22 April 2011): If your relationship is solid, and the friend that is a girl is a part of your life as a couple, just as male friends would be, there is nothing wrong with it. You all get together, do things together once in a while, etc. Where it goes wrong, is when you only talk to the friend that is a girl without your partner around, see the friend alone without your partner, have a past "friends with benefits" past, go to this person to seek private relationship advice, etc. This female friend should build a relationship with the girlfriend and she, the girlfriend should never have a reason to feel threatened there is something more going on, then friendship.I have friends that are males that I have known for a really long time. I made a point to introduce them early on. They come over for dinner on occasion, we all go out together, help my fiance with stuff around the yard sometimes, but I do not go anywhere alone with them or keep my Fiance in the dark about anything having to do with them, just as I would with my female friends. I am also in my 40's and the maturity level is obviously greater than when you are in your 20's....sometimes this is hard for people to handle when they are younger, but it doesn't have to be if everyone gets it right and doesn't cross any boundaries.
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A
male
reader, eddie +, writes (22 April 2011):
 First of all, your main relationship has to be rock solid. Sometimes the reason people seek friendship with someone of the opposite sex is because it fulfills something missing. In other words, they get something from the friend they are not getting from their partner. So you hsve to be careful about what your motives are. You also have to be aware of what your "friends" motives are!
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A
female
reader, XxMishxX  +, writes (22 April 2011):
hey,what the others say is true.There is a thin line between friendship and a relationship.you wouldnt do the things you do with your partner with your friend. you wouldnt kiss, have sexual contact or sexual intercourse with your friend, but also this guy shouldnt lie to his girlfriend or keep you a secret, that will cause problems. being secretive about you, will only make his girlfriend feel insecure. sure you can have a friendship with a guy but it has to be friendship and nothing else. also if i was him, i wouldnt start telling a girl mate intemate things about his relationship or problems they may have, his girlfriend will probably get jealous aswell.good luck
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A
male
reader, mrg123 +, writes (22 April 2011):
 Right. I think this is hard question to answer on one level. My honest feeling is that as long as somebody is not cheating (kissing in a sexual way or having sex with) with a friend of the opposite sex there is nothing wrong with whatever degree of emotional intimacy anybody wants. As a partner you dont have a sole monopoly over emotional intimacy and you have to realise, in a healthy relationship, there are other bonds of affection that are allowed and indeed they are desirable to make the relationship function. Obviously, I would say they shouldnt put their friend over their partner in that they shouldnt be texting or thinking of somebody else when they should be spending time with their partner. I think there are common sense lines that can be drawn here. I would have to know more about the context to judge whether they are being crossed. Good luck.
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A
female
reader, Minou  +, writes (22 April 2011):
Obviously not closer than he is with her girlfriend
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