A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:One thing that bugs me is how can women watch porn with their boyfriends/husbands? Aren't you bothered he's getting turned on by another woman, who he possibly thinks is hotter? The thought is horrible.
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (7 April 2012): Why shouldn't partners whatch porn together? Not only men like porn, obviously, from some of these answers, some women do too. If both parners like watching people having sexual relations on screen, and getting turned on by it, by all means watch. You don't say whether you watch porn yourself. If you do, do you compare the men with your partner?
A
reader, anonymous, writes (24 March 2012): Just in answer to the response to my saying female (and male, actually) porn stars are 'public property' - of course they are individuals, but we don't see/know them as that. When they choose to bare their all on camera, they become public property in so far as their images do. Their most private moments and selves become open and on view to the whole world. It doesn't make them any less an individual, but my point was that most men (and women) would rather keep their partner to themselves, so no need to feel 'jealous' of the porn star's better body or whatever it is, because there are things more important than that.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (23 March 2012): Insecure is a woman who feels she deserves no better than a porn watching man
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (23 March 2012): Porn doesn't bother me, porn in relationships does.
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female
reader, HappyPlace +, writes (23 March 2012):
 Um, no I don't think you are insecure (last poster's comment). I believe the insecure women are the ones that stay with men who like to watch porn. The secure ones are the ladies that tell their men to get a life. And pornography is about as far removed from real sex as you can possibly get. Again, if you NEED porn to spice up your sex life then you are already down a rocky road to no-where. Just my HO.
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female
reader, Echo85 +, writes (22 March 2012):
 Would you cover your boyfriends eyes if a pretty girl walked past you on the street? He might think she's hotter than you!
So what? He's with you, if he didn't want to be with you then he wouldn't be.
He could get turned on by anyone, anywhere. As long as he's not jumping every girl that walks past him then roll with it!
Porn can be a great part of your sexual life. Enjoy it with your partner. Have fun and stop being so insecure.
Good luck x
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female
reader, Miamine +, writes (22 March 2012):
 "Someone mentioned that the men watch for the action only - be aware there are an awful lot of man who do choose a particular porn star to watch, so it's really not all about the action."
Yes it's true, some men (or women) can be obsessed with a certain porn star, just like some men or women can get obsessed with certain movie stars. Porn stars are acting, and so like any type of acting, there are always stars you prefer. So yes, it can still be about the action. Some porn stars are no good at there job and that's why they don't get as many fans as other people.
I'm particularly thinking about a famous male porn actor who found he couldn't retire because there was no one adequate to take his place. He has a large female fan base.
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female
reader, HappyPlace +, writes (22 March 2012):
"So, prolonged exposure brings a kind of numbness"!
That is the saddest line I have ever read on this site. That is what porn can do to a partner, alienate them and leave them on the sidelines feeling numb. However, again each to their own. To the women that watch it with their partners, great for you if that works and floats your boat. I issued my partner with an ultimatum and it worked and he no longer watches porn because his watching porn did not work for us - I hated it, and on many levels. Someone mentioned that the men watch for the action only - be aware there are an awful lot of man who do choose a particular porn star to watch, so it's really not all about the action.
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female
reader, Gabrielle Stoker  +, writes (22 March 2012):
 When it comes to good-looking men in porn, looks are subjective, of course, but Franco Roccaforte, Evan Stone and Mr. Marcus generally caught my eye.
@person12345
I don't generally agree with you when it comes to porn, but thanks for saying that. Yes, these are real women with real feelings and there's no reason to think of them as being commodities (though sadly, a lot of us seem to think that of themselves).
Thanks for saying that. Really.
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female
reader, Miamine +, writes (22 March 2012):
"Aren't you bothered he's getting turned on by another woman"
- Nope, because I'm not possessive, jealous or insecure... he has a right to get turned on by whatever he likes, just as I am. He is not allowed however to go and have sexual contact with other people, but I can't police his brain or his eyes.
"Who he possibly thinks is hotter?"
I don't assume such things, who knows what a man is thinking. Besides, she could be the hottest woman on the earth, she aint there and he'll never meet her in a thousand years. I got qualities that make me unique, just as other people are unique in their own way. People are not interchangeable.
"The thought is horrible."
I agree, such thoughts are terrible... but confident women don't compare themselves to other people, and don't think they are worth less because other people are beautiful.
I've got lots of flaws and I aint beautiful or slim, but who the hell cares... it's good enough for me and it's good enough for him, otherwise he wouldn't be with me.
"One thing that bugs me is how can women watch porn with their boyfriends/husbands?" - Porn films have naked men in them too, women can find them sexy and are far to busy enjoying themselves to worry about what their partner is thinking and imagining.
Sex as an activity is not all about men.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (22 March 2012): just because you're married or in a relationship, that never ever (no matter what anyone says) means you will stop finding other people attractive, either of you. and there will always be someone who is hotter than you. sounds like your problem is that you're insecure. or maybe your husband is trying to make you watch porn with him and you don't want to.
if you don't like porn, don't watch it. but don't judge other people who like to spice up their sex lives with it. it's entertainment, not infidelity. have you ever watched a movie with goerge clooney in it(or whoever you think is attractive) and thought they looked better then your husband? does that mean you should be looked down on? no, it's human nature.
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female
reader, person12345 +, writes (22 March 2012):
 "Those women are public property. They are merchandise."They are human beings, real women with real feelings and their own private sexuality and private lives, with their own wants, dreams, and desires. They are not slaves, they are not things, they are people. Human beings. You can hate porn, you can hate the industry, but you don't know those women or who they are or what they've been through. They are human beings before anything else.
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reader, anonymous, writes (21 March 2012): Ask him to watch some gay porn. He will have the same kind of feelings as a straight woman has watching straight porn.
So yes, it is gross. I don't want to look at another woman. I prefer men. And I can't see between my own legs without some elaborate mirror arrangement. So I am not used to looking at that, and frankly, no, it doesn't turn me on. I like men. Men's bodies, everything about them. Not women.
I didn't want to watch porn with my partner, but he kind of forced me, because he is that kind of bull in a china shop (useful in some situations, not so great in others). Anyhow, if I do watch it with him, I feel slightly embarrassed. I am past the point of worrying about how I am different or otherwise to the women in the films - he is different to the guys, as well. (Frankly, he is nicer.) At the beginning, I found it very embarrassing. Then I got used to it. Now, it may as well be an advert for toothpaste. So, prolonged exposure brings a kind of numbness.
And remember ... all of those women really are not the kind of women a guy would want as his. Those women are public property. They are merchandise. So however he might seem to like it, he'd rather be next to you. Remember that.
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female
reader, janniepeg  +, writes (21 March 2012):
 I am one of those who get turned on by porn. Yes, the porn actor is usually hot, the porn actress also. I do not watch it because my boyfriend is unattractive. I am a visual person and porn gets me wet quick. I am turned on by the beauty of the porn actress but I am not gay. I like watching people enjoy themselves sexually. You should only watch porn if you get anything out of it. Not wanting your boyfriend to sneak around and watch it all by himself is not a good enough reason to watch it with him.
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female
reader, shazz1991xoxo +, writes (21 March 2012):
 i watch porn with my partner but he uaually pays more attention to me remember porn is just fantasy and all of them are mostly fake xoxo
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reader, Danielepew  +, writes (21 March 2012):
 I know of a couple (I'm not part of it) who watch porn together because they want to learn new "tricks" for the bed. I suppose this is their way to add "spice" to their sex lives.
Other than that (and other posts of mine notwithstanding), I don't think this is something most people do. Or at least it isn't something they TELL others they do.
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reader, anonymous, writes (21 March 2012): I only the porn I've made with my girlfriend with her. We don't watch other porn together because our tastes are different.
Watching two women get it on does nothing for her and watching gang bangs does nothing for me but she likes those. The only collaboration we have is when either of us find a video the other may like, we will send on the link.
Funnily enough she far prefers gay porn than straight porn, magazines especially because the men are better looking. Aesthetically pleasing males are essential in gay porn, whereas the majority of straight porn is made for men so those guys are usually average or sleazy looking creeps. The same principle is used in romance movies aimed at women, the lead male is always toned and handsome or a pretty boy, the women in them are either less than average looking (like Kristen Stewart) or are made wear glasses and frumpy clothes to look that way (Jennifer Aniston in any of her rubbish films).
"Aren't you bothered he's getting turned on by another woman, who he possibly thinks is hotter?"
OP I've seen plenty of gay porn mags and videos that my girlfriend likes and I can tell you that the guys in those pictures and videos have better bodies, bigger penises and more beautiful faces than I ever will have. Why would that bother me? She's my girlfriend and has been for 7 years, a video, picture or any of her other fantasies are absolutely no threat to my relationship because she loves me and I'm more than adequate for her needs. There are more important things in relationships than porn OP. So many wonderful and important things make a relationship and I'll never understand why one menial little tool is such a big deal to people. I guess it may just be that I'm really happy with the man I am, the relationship I have and have a girlfriend that even when angry with me manages to show me how lucky, needed and loved I am. Porn is just a fart in the wind.
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female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (21 March 2012):
 "Which guys are these ive never seen any particularly good lookin men in porn."
There's not particularly many good looking guys in porn. But there's not particularly many good looking girls either.
Guys and girls aren't much different you must remember. Just as many guys as girls need an emotional connection to feel a physical attraction to a person. A shallow attraction will never create as strong desire as a genuine attraction towards a persons whole. This works for guys as well as girls. Guys aren't mindless wanking machines that are willing to hump whatever has tits. Not any more than women are baby crazed breeders eager to sleep with whomever looks like a good sperm donor.
There's a lot more down to it when it comes to attraction.
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female
reader, person12345 +, writes (21 March 2012):
If given the choice between him watching alone and watching together I'd MUCH rather watch together than apart. I don't think it would bother me, it hasn't with other guys in the past (my current bf does not watch porn with or without me). It would bother me if he watched alone a lot more.
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female
reader, Anonymous 123  +, writes (21 March 2012):
 I have personally never enjoyed porn, with my Bf or otherwise, but I am very aware of what it constitutes. If my Bf were to suggest that we watch porn together (he doesn't watch porn anymore), would I be offended? No. Because I am very secure in my relationship and about myself and I know for a fact that no other women can ever replace me, least of all someone in a porn movie, with fake breasts and fake orgasms.
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reader, anonymous, writes (21 March 2012): I can honestly say when my boyfriend and I watch porn together, I never have the thought that he is going to find them more attractive than me. I am the one he has chosen to give his heart to, the one he loving and sharing his life with. In fact I am quite sure if a porn star was standing in the room with us, he would still chose me. It's not the people in the porn that turns him on, it is seeing the act of sex that turns him on, and when we have finished watching it, I am the one he is enjoying, and real live flesh with somone you love is always better than something fake you watch.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (21 March 2012): Nope, not really. It's clear to me that my partner watches it for the actions and not the specific girls involved. I also think it is FAR more healthy in a relationship when porn is watched together and used to spice up sex than when one party watches alone all the time and gets pleasure from actors on a screen rather than his or her partner.Have you looked at a fair bit of porn? Then you know most of the women are very heavily made up and typically surgically enhanced but generally they're still no supermodels, especially if it's amateur porn you're watching (and there is a huge market for that!). If a man was simply looking for the most beautiful woman he could find he'd eschew porn for Vogue magazine and the Victoria's Secret catalog and whack off to classically lovely women exclusively. Obviously it's more appealing to watch sex between people who are young, fit, and reasonably good looking but the real focus, I believe, is on the acts and not the actresses.Basically, there is always going to be a woman out there prettier than you but your partner is WITH YOU. Being insecure about it only makes you seem less attractive. If your partner wants to watch porn together, pick something "mild" to start with and try to keep an open mind :)
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female
reader, chigirl +, writes (21 March 2012):
Why does it bother you what another couple does?
To be honest, no I am not bothered by watching porn with a boyfriend. Most boyfriends I have had are bothered by watching it with me though, one even felt slightly embarrassed about him even watching porn, so liked to keep it private.
Anyway, I get turned on by porn. And the boyfriends I have watched porn with have also been turned on by porn. We're both turned on by PORN, ok? Not the women. Or the man. But the ACT, and the PORN itself. Not the people in it.
It's never passed my thought that a man would watch porn with me and then find the woman in the porn more attractive. Personally I think women in porn are ugly, and Im a real live woman with an amazing body and personality. There is no comparison to live flesh and fake boobies on a screen.
No, it doesn't bother me to watch porn with a man because he is just as likely to be turned on by the woman in the porn as I am, and I don't feel my arousal is connected to the particular woman (or man) in porn. I also know that any boyfriend I have is in love with ME, the way I look, and is turned on by me. If he wasn't he wouldn't be with me, and we wouldn't have amazing sex, simple as that. If he was more attracted to someone else he'd go be with someone else. Real simple. If I am more attracted to someone else then I wouldn't be with that particular man either, would I?
Maybe the problem is that YOU find other people more attractive than your partner, so you automatically think that he must as well. It is very easy to think that everyone thinks the same way you do...
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female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (21 March 2012):
 We watched some the other night… first we laugh at the corny attempts to have conversation… they we laugh at the contrived situations… and we cuddle and finally tend to get busy.
Now what turned him on? Maybe the porn? Maybe my hand on his thigh and my tongue in his ear… maybe the thought of that young hot chick that caught his eye at the mall earlier that day that he almost broke his neck turning around to watch….. who knows… I don’t ask I don’t care… He’s turned on…. And I’m there and he’s loving on me……
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female
reader, Blonde68 +, writes (21 March 2012):
Having watched porn myself with a partner, Its not the sexy hot bodies that turns me on, its more the watching of the act that can be arousing. (Men correct me if I am wrong here) - but I think a lot of men see it this way too. Most men realise that the women in these films are faking it, its not real and it means nothing to them other than watching a man f***** a woman or 2 women having sex - I personally don't think its the hot bodies they are viewing that is the main focus point.
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reader, Sageoldguy1465 +, writes (21 March 2012):
 It's a personal matter. Consider this:
Change your word "porn" to "NASCAR" or "college basketball" or "chick-flicks"..... and it will be obvious..
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reader, anonymous, writes (21 March 2012): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionWhich guys are these ive never seen any particularly good lookin men in porn.
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female
reader, Gabrielle Stoker +, writes (21 March 2012):
Well, not everyone thinks the same way, you know.
Some women may find that they dont really mind what turns their man on as long as they one who gets the benefit is she herself.
Others may passively accept the reality that, no matter who you are, there will be women who are hotter than you, and no matter who you are NOT, you are hot in your own way that no one else is (DID that make any sense? It made sense in my head).
For myself, I can appreciate a hot woman for her own sake (I consider myself 'mostly straight') but the guy in the porn scene can be just as much a turn on! Not all of them, though, but some.
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