A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I broke up with my boyfriend of three and a half years last month. We lived together at first but he moved out 8 months ago because he was sent to work in another city, it was go or lose his job so it was understandable, and since then the relationship went downhill because looking back our relationship depended very much on the intimacy and togetherness and we came apart once he left, and failed to come up with a good solution to be together again. He became more distant as the months passed and built up a new life which did not include me, new social circle and activities, he's not the type to sit at home. So now I am wondering if I ever meant that much to him or if he was just with me because I was there and not really cause he loved me that much or because I was that special. I think my sense of self and self esteem has taken a blow and now I feel as if I'm going to wonder if I meet someone new if they really like me for me or just cause I'm handy? My now ex certainly didn't hesitate to ask me to help with this or that, money and otherwise, but I thought that was what partners do,help out - now I wonder if I got used.On another matter, there is still some of his stuff here like clothes and some furniture and kitchen items, also quie a lot of stuff in the garage, still here since he moved out. It all needs to go, I am not a free storage facility. He doesn't take my calls or respond to messages. How long is decent to wait before I just get rid of it? I am waiting a bit because obviously I'm not going to make good decisions in an emotional state. I can't wait forever. Thanks!
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broke up, money, moved out, my ex, self esteem Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (21 March 2012): Legally you have to give him a chance to come and pick up his stuff and state that if he doesn't you will get rid of it as you see fit. Give him a date by when you will expect him to take his things or you will get rid of them.
A
female
reader, Anonymous 123  +, writes (21 March 2012):
 You broke up last month and its already the 21st of March. You've tried contacting him, you've done your bit, if he doesn't respond, its not your fault in any way. Throw out his stuff, you are not responsible for his things anymore. If he doesn't bother about his belongings, then why should you?
Now to answer your first question, maybe you did mean something to him when you were together, maybe he did have feelings for you for that period of time while you were together, but there wasnt any real attachment from his side. That is why he could move on so easily.
Its normal to feel low after a break up and to have doubts about future relationships, but you have to learn to look at it objectively. Sometimes things dont work out the way you thought they would. Not just in relationships but in many other aspects. You might not have your dream job or your dream car or your dream house. Does that mean that one has failed? No, of course not. That's life. If things dont work out, you take it in your stride and hope for the best, that's all one can do. Just because a relationship fails doesn't mean that all subsequent relationships wont work out.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (21 March 2012): Ofcourse you meant something to him, you lived together,were a couple for 3 years! It just ran its course thats all.He moved away, things changed, thats life.It doesn't mean theres anything wrong with you,or that you did anything wrong
As for his things, if he isn't responding to your messages give it one more go, a final request - then do a Garage sale or Carboot - he knows the stuff is there and hasn't arranged to collect it.I think waiting a total of 2 months is more than fair.
Good luck
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