A
female
age
41-50,
*opeless completely hopeless
writes:How do i stop loving this guy? I have been seeing this guy for a while, he is beautiful amazing funny.... married and my boss. His marriage has been troubled for a while, they have both had affairs. We are fantastic together and i do know he loves me as i have ended it before and he lost it... crying begging you know the rest. Anyway we have set a date that he will leave his wife by...21st december, his choice not mine. I just don't think he is going to and right know the paranoia i have and the lonliness is eating me up and changing who i am. i love him so very much i just want to stop?
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He wants to leave his wife for me, and me to leave my husband... But I'm not ready! My married boyfriend wont leave his wife for me and so I hate HER! |
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (16 July 2008): Whatever happens you understand there is going to be PAIN!
tears, lonliness, hurt, arguments, this is never an easy Game, I am in this same situation and have waited 5 years...
Keep being told to be Patient... There has been no infidelity but I know I lovemy man too... I have been divorced because of it, and I hope that the Man I wait for will be divorced soon if not already..
It is so upsetting and can Destroy you as a person, this is all consuming and if they are your Soulmate a Prison Sentence at its worst...
Circumstance usually Money is the root of all Evil...
But life is Short and to be sure of one thing we are all gonna die.. So Live and let Live, and be happy!
If you are meant to be you will be... "Que sera sera"
A
reader, anonymous, writes (13 July 2008): Hi,
Someone anonymous wrote in on April 4 2008 and was classy, caring, considerate, wonderful and above all I can tell very spiritual, I wish we could all be more like that because you never know what youll do until you do it and none of us are perfect! We all tend to judge everyone for 1 reason or another I know I have I use to be very religious and now I no longer believe in organized religion. I never thought I could have an affair. I grew up in a religion where you dont smoke, drink or have sex before youre married and I think that helped get me where I am today. Ive been married to my husband for 12 years and Ive been in a relationship with a man for 6 months. As horrible as this is to write his wife is pregnant and Ive been feeling horrible which yes I know I should so I googled cheating and started reading all these stories about people and their affairs. Im not a stupid woman but I really believed we had something special and that we would end up together. Im in a marriage where I married my best friend and not my soulmate, I dont think my husband and I will end up staying together,there has never been passion in our marriage. I think we both deserve more. Why Im writing this is to say Im ending it with him tomorrow and telling him I wont see him again until we are both divorced but Im going to see if my husband and I can make it work before anything happens, we have 3 beautiful kids and my husband is such a wonderful man. Woman it is not worth the pain, guilt, hurt you may cause your family or theirs for a hike in the mountains and a nice dinner or wonderful sex.
Thank You to the man or woman who wrote in on April 4 you helped me to understand that I am loved, strong and worth more then what Im doing right now, even though it wasnt written to me. Thank You
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (13 July 2008): Hi,
Someone anonymous wrote in on April 4 2008 and was classy, caring, considerate, wonderful and above all I can tell very spiritual, I wish we could all be more like that because you never know what youll do until you do it and none of us are perfect! We all tend to judge everyone for 1 reason or another I know I have I use to be very religious and now I no longer believe in organized religion. I never thought I could have an affair. I grew up in a religion where you dont smoke, drink or have sex before youre married and I think that helped get me where I am today. Ive been married to my husband for 12 years and Ive been in a relationship with a man for 6 months. As horrible as this is to write his wife is pregnant and Ive been feeling horrible which yes I know I should so I googled cheating and started reading all these stories about people and their affairs. Im not a stupid woman but I really believed we had something special and that we would end up together. Im in a marriage where I married my best friend and not my soulmate, I dont think my husband and I will end up staying together,there has never been passion in our marriage. I think we both deserve more. Why Im writing this is to say Im ending it with him tomorrow and telling him I wont see him again until we are both divorced but Im going to see if my husband and I can make it work before anything happens, we have 3 beautiful kids and my husband is such a wonderful man. Woman it is not worth the pain, guilt, hurt you may cause your family or theirs for a hike in the mountains and a nice dinner or wonderful sex.
Thank You to the man or woman who wrote in on April 4 you helped me to understand that I am loved, strong and worth more then what Im doing right now, even though it wasnt written to me. Thank You
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (13 July 2008): Hi,
Someone anonymous wrote in on April 4 2008 and was classy, caring, considerate, wonderful and above all I can tell very spiritual, I wish we could all be more like that because you never know what youll do until you do it and none of us are perfect! We all tend to judge everyone for 1 reason or another I know I have I use to be very religious and now I no longer believe in organized religion. I never thought I could have an affair. I grew up in a religion where you dont smoke, drink or have sex before youre married and I think that helped get me where I am today. Ive been married to my husband for 12 years and Ive been in a relationship with a man for 6 months. As horrible as this is to write his wife is pregnant and Ive been feeling horrible which yes I know I should so I googled cheating and started reading all these stories about people and their affairs. Im not a stupid woman but I really believed we had something special and that we would end up together. Im in a marriage where I married my best friend and not my soulmate, I dont think my husband and I will end up staying together,there has never been passion in our marriage. I think we both deserve more. Why Im writing this is to say Im ending it with him tomorrow and telling him I wont see him again until we are both divorced but Im going to see if my husband and I can make it work before anything happens, we have 3 beautiful kids and my husband is such a wonderful man. Woman it is not worth the pain, guilt, hurt you may cause your family or theirs for a hike in the mountains and a nice dinner or wonderful sex.
Thank You to the man or woman who wrote in on April 4 you helped me to understand that I am loved, strong and worth more then what Im doing right now, even though it wasnt written to me. Thank You
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (12 July 2008): Oh yeah sure he'll leave his wife, I waited 6 years before I got wise to his game. There will always be an excuse, not making enough money,his wife is sick, his boys won't understand or his stupid dogs won't have a home. My advice, end it clean don't look back and move on.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (4 April 2008): Hi,
I've been reading your message. I can empathise with you. In my opinion, I believe it is irrelevant if 1- he leaves her for you; 2 - he loves you. What's really important here is you. You must obviously be an extremely giving and caring and understanding person. These are wonderful qualities. The very sad thing is the message you're sending out to the world/universe is that your capacity to love, understand, accept another unconditionally comes at a price - your wellbeing, your health and your desires. It is wonderful to be so nuturing and I have no doubt that he loves this about you. He possibly loves everything about you actually, if you think about it a little - who wouldn't given your immense ability to love so selflessly. May I make one suggestion? Please for only one weekend, do all the things that would usually mean relaxing, calming oneself, soak yourself in a luxurious bath, listen to some wonderfully calming meditative music, and if possible drink some very expensive wine (if necessary ask him to buy this for you if you can't afford it) - then when you're completely relaxed and alone, gently ask yourself when you were a little girl how did you imagine love to be? How did you imagine the person of your dreams would make you feel? If there is any delta between then and now, I would really kindly ask you to actually let go of the conscious mind so your subconscious can remind you of how you would like to be loved. We don't always receive this, yet those who don't are usually those who can't - in your case it is so clear to me that you can love. That is attractive, allow yourself to allow a person who can give you the love you give to come into your life. If he's the one then so be it. But something tells me, that if you're not sleeping, eating and feeling anxious then actually your subconscious is telling you 'hey! you're great what are you doing!' it's excellent, really excellent that you're feeling this way because it means that deep down you know you love yourself and deep down you know that you actually deserve a complete/wholesome love. keep feeling down, don't get accustomed to it, because it's the only thing that will help you say one day 'it's enough' regardless of whether he leaves his wife or not. Another thing, if i were you, i would ask him to help you find another job OR find one yourself so that when you're ready to walk away you can because he won't be able to seek revenge (small revenge) by firing you. I am so positive that you'll find your sunshine - it's already trying to shine by making you feel destabilised - that's so good right now. the scary news would be, if you were okay about all this, then i'd be thinking 'oh oh, someone who doesn't love herself', but you do - you just need to give yourself the permission to love yourself til the very end. You will. Focus on how you'd like to be loved, because deep down you know you can reciprocate. Thats special. You've got it with or without him. He's trapped, but you're not, you're a free soul. Wonderful.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (26 January 2008): If he does leave her for you, you both are making a fatal mistake that will haunt you for the rest of your lives. Its a fact that if he'll cheat on her with you, then he'll cheat on you with someone else. And do you think you can trust him knowing he had an affair with you while he was married? come on get a grip.If this is to have any chance of working you need to "run" away. Tell him that as soon as his troubles at home are settled and he leaves his wife then and only then can the two of you give things a shot. As it is now he's got the cow, the milk, and the back forty.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (29 September 2007): WOW
STOP RIGHT THERE!
This guy is MARRIED
AND ur boss
Do you really want to break up a marrage??
My advice is to forget about him, of cousre u won't stop lovin him, but forget it ever happened.
Move jobs if that helps
If his man really loved you he would have left ages ago, but as he hasn't he obviously doesn't.
But before you do this think:
'If I was married what would I think if he broke it up for someother girl.'
Put yourself in his wifes possition.
PLEASE DON'T DO ANYTHIN STUPID!
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A
female
reader, bday121  +, writes (7 September 2007):
 Even if this guy does leave his wife, why would want him? If he's cheating on his wife as it is, what makes you think he won't cheat on you too? He doesn't seem to be a very honest or trustworthy person. Sorry, but it's a harsh reality.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (7 September 2007): Hopefully for his sake he will see what he has in you and dump the wife even sooner than you think. If not he don't deserve you girl. I'll leave my wife for you! :P
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (5 September 2007): I have this problem to, and i cant really offer you an answer.Maybe he will leave her and you two will be happy.Unfortunately for us its a waiting game.I hope it works out for you.
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A
female
reader, hlskitten +, writes (26 August 2007):
 Thats never going to be easy. But you can do it, and have a short (ish) sharp shock, or keep prolonging the agony for a lot longer.
Take care.
C xxxxx
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A
female
reader, hlskitten +, writes (26 August 2007):
Hi
The percentage of guys leaving their wife for someone else is about 1%.
So it is possible he will! But its more probable he wont.
Usually they do it without much warning though to be honest. Ive never heard of a date being set, but hey, we dont know his circumstances etc.
Its a bit tight that he is asking you to wait another 4 months, BUT thats one of the the downfalls of seeing an attached person, as you are finding out.
What is your gut telling you to do? You say you know he loves you, how does he feel about his missus?
How are you going to feel if you do end up with the prize and you are wondering if he will do the same to you in the future, because you know he is capeable? He would of loved her like he does you at some point in the past?
Its a tricky one and i dont envy you hun.
I hope it turns out ok.
C xxxxx
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A
female
reader, hopeless completely hopeless +, writes (26 August 2007):
hopeless completely hopeless is verified as being by the original poster of the questionthanks guys, i know what you say the cake and eat it that he will never leave, i do know i need to leave him, but i can't even to think about it leaves me sobbing. I feel sick when i know he is with her i don't sleep any more, i have lost friends because of what i am doing, its so hard cos i really believe he loves me. I jus wanna forget him, i jus wanna stop this pain and move on!
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A
female
reader, flower girl +, writes (26 August 2007):
 OK, i'm on the other side of it, my husband did leave me for someone else so he may well be very true to his word.
What i would like to ask you though is why then?
What reason has he given you for leaving it so long if you are both so in love.
My husband thought he had fallen out of love with me and thats why he left, but we are now back together, if you don't want to be with someone there is no reason to stay, not for kids birthdays, anniversaries anything.
My husband left the day before our wedding anniversary because he was that set on going.
Talk to him and tell him your concerns and ask him why you have to wait for long till you can have him with you.
Take care.xx.
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A
female
reader, Reina +, writes (26 August 2007):
Girl, this is insane! You've been seeing a married man who happens to be your boss? Is this for real? That was a huge mistake on your behalf, but since, in my opinion, hindsight is always 20/20, there's not much you can do about what's done. Firstly, getting invovled with a married man is just wrong. I don't care if he's saying, "I'm not happy with my wife." I mean, that's always the line, right? I don't care if she's cheated on him either. The fact of the matter is this: they are still married. They have yet to divorce. What does that tell you??? There should be all sorts of red flags viciously waving in your head. Secondly, he's your boss! Not only have you gotten yourself intertwined with a married man, but your superior at work as well. So what happens if he doesn't split with his wife? You'll be miserable and probably out of a job, because if you are sane there's no way you'd want to continue torturing yourself like this, right? *Never expect a married man to leave his wife for the other woman--especially if he has children with her, or is just so damn used to his comfortable lifestyle. Maybe he does really love you, but actions speak louder than words, right? And he hasn't left his wife yet. This guy has some issues he really needs to sort out. He should have sorted them about before entering another person into the picture. If you want to wait around for him until december, that's on you. But until then and probably even after then, you'll be an emotional wreck. Consider yourself lucky if he really does leave his wife. But then you have the issue of being with your boss. How's that going to work out? Oh, and if your instincts are telling you that he's not going to leave his wife, then he's probably not. Here's what you do: start looking for another job--and don't tell him that you're doing so. Once you find another job, quit or put in your two weeks notice. That's part one of what you should do. Once you do that, I would either a. change my phone number or b. just tell the guy flat out, "Hey, I'm not trying to be the other woman anymore. I did it, it wasn't right, and I wasn't treated the way I should have been treated. I'm a decent woman and i deserve a decent man who is going to respect me and himself. I deserve a MAN--not some guy who says he's unhappy with his wife yet fails to do something about it... He goes and finds a woman on the side. Look, 'his name', you can't have your cake and eat it too!" CLICK. That's what a strong woman would do. What would a weak one do? Ask yourself that. -R
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A
male
reader, kenny +, writes (26 August 2007):
 The likellhood is that when the 21st of December comes he won't have left his wife.
Married guy's invariably never leave their wives for another person. At the moment he has got you both, he see's you when he can sneak away when he can, then crawls back to the marrital bed at the end of it, so he really is having his cake and eat it.
I know it can't be easy for you because you have developed strongs feelings for him, but at the end of the day you are just going to become the bit on the side, or mistress, however you want to term it.
They have both had affairs in the past, so what makes you think he would not play away if he was with you?.
I can only forsee heartache here and i would try to move on before you get more hurt than you already are.
Good luck x
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