A
female
age
36-40,
*heothergirl
writes:I need your help once again! Not too long ago, I had doubts concerning a married guy that I was with. I wasn't sure about whether he'd leave his wife or not. Now, I am sure that he won't leave her because everything that wasn't "working" between them now surely is. I love the guy. There's nothing that I wouldn't do for him. Now, I am up to a point where I just really hate his wife. Not a day goes by where I don't wish that she'd go away with her kids or give him a divorce. I tried to hire a private investigator to take pics of him and I then send them to her. But then I thought, no; she'll divorce him and they will be proofs so she can actually have more than half of what he has. I don't know what to do anymore. I am only 20 years old, I do have my own boyfriend of two years but I barely see him just for the married guy. I am down as ---- and now, I am so sick and tired of being the "other girl" I don't know that to do anymore.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (10 July 2007): I wonder.... If he left his wife you would have a real dilemma wouldn't you because you would be forced to go with the married guy - then what of your boyfriend? Is your boyfriend some kind of safety net? Filling time while Mr Married is busy with his wife? Remember his wife is not to blame whatever your feelings for her - the blame is with this control freak she is married to. Good luck and be careful what you wish for.
A
female
reader, His_Lilly  +, writes (10 July 2007):
I may still be young, but I agree with LauraE.
That women has done nothing to you. Infact, YOU are in the wrong. You could possibly ruin that womans life AND her kids lives, over some pathetic fling.
You should be ashamed of yourself really. Your boyfriend deserves much better too.
If I were you, I'd walk away. Break up with your boyfriend, tell him what happened. In TRUTH. And move on with your life. But this time, don't mess it up.
I know this may seem harsh, but there is no excuse for cheating. It's pathetic and low, and by cheating, you have shamed yourself.
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A
female
reader, LauraE +, writes (10 July 2007):
His wife has done nothing to deserve hatred from you. Nor do his kids deserve to have their lives turned upside down. He has told you that he loves her, so you know where you stand. You can drag along as the other woman for another few years until he gets tired of you, which he will. Or you can be brave about this and walk away with some dignity. I would also split up with your boyfriend, who deserves a whole lot more than you are prepared to give him. Getting over someone is just a matter of not seeing them for long enough. Then you can find someone for you.
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A
male
reader, eddie  +, writes (10 July 2007):
 This must be a joke because it sounds so silly and immature. Get a grip. Your feelings in this scenario are of little importance.
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A
female
reader, eyeswideopen +, writes (10 July 2007):
 You ARE the other girl and so you shall remain. You obviously didn't like the advice you got the last time so why do you come back here? You are beating a dead horse. You know you have no rights to this guy, you don't even have a right to hate his wife for that matter. Give it up.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (10 July 2007): Wow,i think you need to step back a little and get some perspective on things.I am not here to preach to you on wrongs and rights in the world. I have been on both sides of this coin,the wife being cheated on ,and the other woman.
Firstly, no one can help who they are attracted to and no one can decide why or when you happen to fall in love with someone,it happens when we least expect it to.
Now i been with my husband for 19 years now,he cheated on me two times during that period of 19 years,both within the first 10 of our marriage,i was hurt,but kids are involved,i stayed for them to keep some sort of stability in their life growing up.I forgave both times,and yes i had solid proof,i intercepted a voicemail from his first,saying she might be pregnant.So knowing that,you will see woman with children forgive easily for the sake of family first,and if she loves him,which i am sure she does, she will fight you for him anyway,and she has the extended fight and children to use to keep him.
Second, being the other woman is crappy,after 17 years of marriage i ended up having a close friendship with a married guy at work,we crossed the line,didnt mean to but it happened. As a year and a half go by ,still was seeing him 3 times a week being intimate everytime. I have to say we both admited it was wrong,we both admitted we let it go to far.We both admitted we have fallen for each other.But.....i had no intentions,of even suggesting or even thinking of suggesting he leave his family for me.It would never happen.We are not intimate these days,but we remain close friends..
I suppose only thing you really can do is be mature enough to realise,you ended up in the situation knowing it had to be a very mature thing to handle in the end.Respect what he wants,try to focus on work,friends family of yur own. Decide if you want to be the other woman forever and if you can handle that,or move on to fixing your own relationship.
In the end of it all,my husband is still me best friend to this day,and my other man is still a close friend,we both just have decided,that it would not do anyone any good at this point in life.
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A
female
reader, flower girl +, writes (10 July 2007):
 So don't be the other women any more, he has the best of both worlds he has the loving wife and children and the bit on the side and he has already proved to you thats all you will be.
There is absolutely no point in trying to distroy his marriage, his wife has done nothing to you and she and the children do not deserve that at all.
And what about your boyfriend in all of this surely he deserves more respect than he is currently getting from you.
If you no longer want to be with him then you should give him the opportunity to be with someone that is happy with just being with him.
Leave the married man alone, he has made it clear that he wants to try and make his marriage work, so you need to move on.
Take care .xx.
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