A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Dear CupidHow can i get over a guy whom i've been with for over 2 years now who has cheated on me 5 times, who constantly lies to me, who disrespects me, who doesn't show any affection or that he cares, who ignores me, doesn't communicate whenever we have problems, i don't trust him whatsoever but i still manage to be with him, who hid our relationship from 20+ females, and whenever we break up, he wants to act and do right but whenever i take him back, it's back to his old ways again. i really love this guy more than anything. I will take him back no matter what. I feel like i need him. He has my heart and idk what to do. I isolate myself from the world. I lock myself in my room and just cry. I'm the one who broke it off because i got fed up with all of this but im wanting to take him back. I always do this every time. What do i do? It's hurting me so bad...
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female
reader, Stayc63088 +, writes (31 July 2011):
 It is very clearly a self esteem issue. Where that comes from I couldn't tell you. Maybe you already know where it started, maybe you should see a counselor to help you. Either way, this guy only makes it even worse on your self esteem. You already have it low, but you feel even worse when you take him back and you know you shouldn't. Feeling like you need him is a big sign. Do you have anyone else in your life, family or friends around? It seems like you cling to this man as your everything, which isn't really love either, though it certainly feels that way. I have been in the situation before where I couldn't take being alone. I felt like I couldn't not have someone, a certain boyfriend that was awful for me. It is actually a condition called isolophobia and you will literally put up with things you never should out of complete fear of being alone. I don't know if that is your issue. It was mine. I overcame it by taking what I could from the little I had in my life, coworkers and my mom on occassion. I kept myself very busy with different activities, watching different movies or new shows and playing video games, it keeps you distracted very well. You definitely can get over the person. You need to like yourself, which can be a hard thing to accomplish, and impossible when you allow yourself to be treated this way. You honestly just hate yourself even more. The best way I built some self esteem and helped my fear of being alone was to face it head on. I finally got to the point that I'd RATHER be alone and feel that awful feeling than end up with that guy. And it was extremely hard. But I was so proud of myself. And that is step one, a huge step. I kept myself busy doing things I liked to do. I took care of myself and my appearance even if I wasn't doing much out of the house because it made me feel good about myself. And I slowly built up confidence, I focused on the good things about me, the things that a guy would really appreciate that isn't easy to find. And every girl has them. You begin to realize you can do better and you are a good person. Just have the courage to continue to stay away from him. Hell, change your number if you have to (I did). Face your fears head on. And if it really is a problem with feeling alone, email me whenever you need to talk to someone. It helps to have anyone, even a little, to know you don't have to face something completely on your own. I believe you have the strength and courage to get away from this asshole. you have to just make the leap.
A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (31 July 2011):
 Your self-esteem and backbone are apparently not healthy enough for you to take care of yourself. I think from the sounds of this post that you need to get yourself some kick-ass professional help. Talk to your doctor and get a referral.
Go in and find out why you tolerate being treated in such a way and why you are pining for further bad treatment. This isn't healthy and you know it. Fix this now and you'll be in a much better place, say, a year from now, and you'll be on the path to finding relationship happiness.
Stick with the loser and you'll wind up a year from now in EXACTLY the same place, the same place you've been in not once but FIVE times. You'll be sadly writing here with no clue as to why you're so STUCK.
Get the professional counseling, it's a worthy investment. Spending any more time missing the loser is a waste of precious time and energy. Life is short short short. Don't throw it away on demonstrated losers.
Time to put on the big-girl pants and stick up for yourself, even if the little child inside you is screaming for the loser. Stop listening to the little child and listen to the wise soul that is in you somewhere. You just have to find a way to LISTEN to the right bit. Okay?
Go be brave. Get support from friends and family and don't wallow any longer. BE BRAVE!!!!
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A
male
reader, guy1989  +, writes (31 July 2011):
It's amazing to me how someone can stay in a relationship with someone that cheated 5 times. It takes 1 time and you leave that person.. There is a say that all people should consider "ONCE A CHEATER ALWAYS A CHEATER" I think it's a pathological thing. Never believe after someone cheat that they will change.. they won't change and you will end up getting more hurt.
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A
female
reader, Kirstyteenauntireland  +, writes (30 July 2011):
 Sweetheart I know exactly how this feels this happened me before but at the end of the day and you know it you have to leave him. Like no offence he is walking all over you. you need to have confidence and make a stand and tell him either YOU change or I go. You can do so much better than this guy and I know you know that. So take it from me who went through this before Put him in his place or walk away YOU CANNOT BE TRATED LIKE THIS.
I hope you find the courage to tell him this because you don't deserve to hurt like this No One does
Good Luck
xxxxxxxxxxxxx
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A
male
reader, Danielepew  +, writes (30 July 2011):
 If this is a real post, what you need to do is lock yourself up in that room and wait until this wish for self-inflicting pain and misery goes away.
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A
female
reader, MissTellAll +, writes (30 July 2011):
 You've already wasted two years on him. Don't go a SECOND longer.
He has disrespected you. Cheated. Lied. Learn how to say NO.
Don't talk to him. Don't look at him. Block him in every way possible.
If you stay with this mess you will end up with nothing but I broken heart.
Get your self respect back.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (30 July 2011): ok heres what i would do. stop forcing yourself to get over him. at the moment you will have very low esteem due to this cads behaviour. you need that building up so surround yourself with people that make you feel good. make time to do stuff you put aside when you was with this guy. go out with friends and enjoy yourself. try not to dwell on him but DO NOT go back to him. hes already proved several times hes not worthy of you. good luck and start to feel good about yourself honey x
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