A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Dear Cupid. I have been with my boyfriend for almost 11 months. I have a problem trusting my boyfriend. Not because he's done things but because each and every one of the guys i've been with have hurt me bad! So pretty much im just waiting for him to hurt me and he treats me so perfect but for some reason, i always try to find something wrong with him to prove to myself there's no such thing as a "good guy". How can i help myself realize that i need to trust him and he wont be like one of the guys i dated who hurt me? This is killing me. I cant be that girl who's jealous. I need to trust that he's faithful but all of my exes have cheated on me so im sure my boyfriend is gonna do the same thing. How can i stop thinking like a psycotic person? HELP!!!!!!
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cheated on me, jealous, my ex Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, Danielepew  +, writes (30 July 2011):
 What everyone else has done is the best predictor of what one particular person will do. Yeah, right.
A
female
reader, angelDlite  +, writes (30 July 2011):
 trust is hard for most people i think. its the not knowing what that other person is doing/thinking/feeling that makes us feel vulnerable. i think you need to make a list of his POSITIVE points. you said he treats you well, build on that list. keep it. read it to yourself whenever you are feeling negative about him and untrusting.
you ultimately have to way up how much you want this relationship compared to how much you are prove its failure. tell him how you feel, if you haven't already. that will help him to understand where you are coming from if you sometimes seem harsh/controlling/jealous but also you remedy this from your end. get counselling to come to terms with the things your exes did to you. learn to realise that those men were not THIS man. always be mindful - when you start to feel a jealous or negative thought - work through it, question it, ask yourself how much you actually BELIEVE the negative feeling that is consuming you. look into cognitive behavioural therapy. learn the strategies until they become second nature and you should then mostly be able to talk yourself into rational thoughts.
keep in mind though that in life, with relationships or with anything that there is NEVER a 100% guarantee, but if you were to go through your life avoiding any circumstance that you cannot FULLY control, then this would not really be a life, with all its mistakes and lessons and wonderful and WORRYING things.
the choice is yours - have a miserable insecure relationship this this guy, then the next, then the next OR do something about it to help yourself. you trusted once, before you were treated badly - you are wiser, but that does not need to mean bitter. you have made your first step by getting into a new relationship - you are giving it a go, if your trust was completely shattered you would not even WANT to be with someone
x
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A
male
reader, dominic pusel  +, writes (30 July 2011):
 as long as you keep trying to fault this guy the more confused and worried you will become, this dude is proving to you that he is a great lover but you let your past haunt you so much, this is the opportunity destiny has given you to heal all the wrongs of the past. Seize it or you will watch it pass you by. Forget of the past and move on with your love.
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A
female
reader, Anonymous 123  +, writes (30 July 2011):
 Well that just strange, isint it? On the one hand you're so insecure about getting cheated upon, and on the other hand, you got into a relationship with your present BF despite all your fears. Why did you commit to a relationship if you were so paranoid?
Either you're a chronic worrier and you just need something to worry about or you're just being silly and thinking too much. This guy hasnt given you any reasons to worry about, so why are you behaving like this? You need to get over your past and stop being so jittery. What happened in the past, was in the past. If you keep thinking about it and churning it over and over again in your head, you will just end up ruining a perfectly good relationship that you have now. And if you still feel you cant deal with it, then dont be in a relationship till you can get over our unfounded fears. Its not fair to your boyfriend.
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A
female
reader, Beauty2010 +, writes (30 July 2011):
 Just loosen up. Trust this guy. All guys aren't the same. If you're looking for something then you're going to find what you're looking for. Stop looking for wrong in this guy and enjoy this relationship. Don't bring past issues into a new, present relationship because that can run a person away. Learn to trust him. You can also talk about it with him and let him know how you're feeling. Maybe his feedback will help you out and show you that he is not like the rest and he's one faithful guy. :)
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