Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (9 December 2009): okay , are you a girlfriend or are you a nazi , this is incredibly controlling , you will not last long in a healthy relationship with such demands , im not surprised if you're still single
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (6 December 2009): that is the most obnoxious list.
no male has will ever act like that!
you have no control over this persons life
and they would never want to volountarily spend that much time with/or talking with you.
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female
reader, EmmaleeDrew  +, writes (4 December 2009):
This is ridiculously controlling.
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female
reader, kjoheartstjoe  +, writes (5 June 2009):
okay really..
thats crazy.
i think you are way to controlling as a girlfriend if thats really what you think the perfect boyfriend is.
& if you don't ever find the perfect boyfriend.
its understandable.
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female
reader, 2cool4skool  +, writes (9 March 2009):
I hope you were joking or else you would be out of your mind. i think instead of you making a list of the perfect boyfriend you need to wake up from la la land and fix yourself
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (27 December 2008): ok look ur making it look like u cant really trust any boy u date. you need to learn to trust them and by the way guys are gonna look at girls rather u want them to or not, thats just part of them being a guy. i been with my man for 8months now. and i give him space.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (17 May 2008): Ok i like my boyfriend to let me know where he is from time to time....but come on...he can have girl friends, he can IM whoever he wants, he can talk to whoever he wants, and he sure as hell doesnt have to show me all of his emails...
come on now... call every hour or two....do you not have a life?
and another thing...it is absolutely impossible for a guy not to look at another female....unless hes blind...or gay..even gay guys look at females though...there half of the fucking population...
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (9 May 2008): sounds like you have problems with trust and seem high maintence. ummm good luck with that
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (15 February 2008): Well I think this is a little tooo much 2 ask of a guy.
I dont know about the whole perfect boyfriend thing.
but i do that that a relationship is based on trust.
if you trust someone truly then this will not bother you.
if you think to much about it.. well then its time to get another boyfriend. once you find this level of trust with someone then its perfect.
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A
male
reader, Collaroy  +, writes (16 January 2008):
 I think this is a joke post.
Anyone who has a list like this is seriously deluded and destined to enjoy the single life.
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (16 January 2008): I have to be honest
1. Shares all email and IM passwords
No. They belong to me, not you. And you have no business. going through my emails or my IM's at anyrate.
2. Has none, or only one, female friend
Have as many damn female friends as I fucking please.
3. Tell's me when his only female friend calls
No. Because its not relevant.
4. Tell's me when he goes basically anywhere
I never tell anyone where I am going, don't plan to start.
5. Family time doesn't interfere with our time too much
I don't spend much time with my family anyways, but this is abit to much to ask.
6. Doesn't want to/will not go out with friends w/o me
Go out with friends when I damn well please with or without you.
7. Doesn't want to/will not travel out of state w/o me to see friends
Of course I wouldn't want to go without my girlfriend unless I had to or she wouldn't come. I'd like her by my side, but I wouldn't throw away the opportunity unless I didn't want to go.
8. Rarely goes online to IM people, and tells me when he does. And doesn't email any females
If I want to go online I'll go online. Fuck you.
9. Does not want to, and never looks at, other females
Impossible for any man. To look and want is apart of human nature. We could lie to you, because apparantly on your list telling the truth isn't a requirement to be your bitch boy.
10. Call and texts a few times every hour or two
-People have better things to do than text you 10 times every fucking hour.
11. Never meets other women except when absolutely necessary (i.e. work)
Bullshit. If I have friends who are females I'll talk to them all I god damn want, not because I'm in love with them, BECAUSE THEY'RE MY FRIENDS and I'm not going to ditch friends for some controlling bitch.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (19 December 2007): you may have a future in politics...or comedy. not sure...
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (11 November 2007): i have a bf that has this list as a criteria for me. I cant go anywhere without telling him. If i dont he gets mad. I have to report all calls from male friends, etc. Its hell.
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female
reader, samohir  +, writes (7 November 2007):
 Ouhhh Dear, You have such a possesive list. Maybe you ll find some masohistic man who likes you.. Dont know Good lusk
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (7 November 2007): Uh...The only thing I can recommend if this is your ideal boyfriend is to look in the BDSM community especially in the DS part.(Wikipedia has a decent article if you don't know what I mean) Be warned I'm not sure you'll find anyone there either. You're talking some serious loss of basic human rights there.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (5 November 2007): You are a mind controlling freak. Just for the record.
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (8 October 2007): oh... and as a ps to the last comment... I personally think that you just scarred away any guys you're ever going to meet.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (7 October 2007): i really think that if you need your boyfriend to be like this you have trust issues. you need to deal with that first before you can have a boyfriend
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (4 October 2007): that just sucks.
hes like a guy with no life.
and hes gonna be really clingly.
like i mean call or text every hour?
do you have a life or what. are you that free?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (28 September 2007): This list if perfect! my bf and i have been going out for 6 months and he is exactly like this! JUST PERFECT! hehe
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (18 September 2007): Thats so gay, Thats gonna be hell if ur guy finds out all that@!!!
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (18 September 2007): wooww....that is a list for trouble...that is like the complete opposite of what a perfect bf is for me....seriously...im not gona lie that list freaked me out..and im a girl..not to mention what it would do to ANY guy...it looks like you have little trust issues with your bf...Your bf should be able to have a life of his own and friends of his own.. he should have free time to spend with his family and friends...and there is nothing wrong with a guy having female friends...why not...as long as he is faithful to you i dont see anything wrong with that...and i dont see why he needs to share his passwords and all the personal info...its his life, u should not try and be all nousy in his personal buisness...and why does he have to call ore text every few hours...i honestly dont think that much happens in that short of amount of time...but thats just me...id suggest to maybe stepping back and looking at the situation from a different perspective...trust is everything in a relationship...and you are heading in the opposite direction from it. good luck
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female
reader, lisa21  +, writes (7 September 2007):
does not sound like a boyfriend to me it sounds like you want a puppy who follows you around, im sorry but you sound jeleous selfish, insecure and immature, good luck finding a man like that!!!!!!
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female
reader, AskEve +, writes (7 September 2007):
 I think you'd be better off with a robot!
Eve
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (7 September 2007): This list makes me want to murder small children. I can't believe how greedy and selfish some women are. Have only one female friend? Are you fucking serious? If a guy told a girl she should have only one male friend, she would choke to death on her anger; which would be a good thing considering the circumstances. As a matter of fact, any girl who thinks anything on this list constitutes perfect boyfriend behavior needs a right hook to the temple.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (29 March 2007): you don't want a boyfriend like this. my current boyfriend is like this and it is far from perfect.........it's a pain in my ass!
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (16 March 2007): You sound very insecure about your man meeting and talking to other women, dont be with someone you cant trust
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (24 February 2007): It's not so bad having a controlling girlfriend. Most guys need it. I used to like hard rock and metal and stuff but my last girlfriend made me get rid of all that and only listen to pop. I ended up quite happy with listening to her favorite music. Guys have to make sacrifices for their girl...
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female
reader, willywombat +, writes (24 February 2007):
 It does doesn't it. Not only is this poor person trying to look for somebody to control they have gender diorientation too!!
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (23 February 2007): But it says "other women" and "other women". I just assumed that this is a girl using another account or something.
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male
reader, I've been there +, writes (23 February 2007):
I agree 100% with Dr. Pete and Willywombat. If using those set of rules you some ow managed to get a guy let alone talk to on im sure he would leave you before long.
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female
reader, BeHereNow +, writes (23 February 2007):
 That is definitely a list that describes a perfect boyfriend - make that a perfectly insane boyfriend. Unless he is masochistic and will enjoy living under your rule, you will smother him and drive him away! I agree, counselling would be a good idea for you (and for him too, if he has had to endure your torture for too long). Instead of trying to control someone else (which is not love), it would be good for you to work on dealing with your own insecurities, fears, trust and boundary issues.
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female
reader, willywombat +, writes (22 February 2007):
It's a he, not a she.
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (22 February 2007): This all sounds perfectly common sense. Any guy should realize that he needs to devote his life to his girlfriend. If all she wants to have her perfect boyfriend is some E-mail passwords and give up a couple other friends, then no problem. Where do I sign up?
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male
reader, Ponungalungb +, writes (14 February 2007):
 This is a guy asking this? If so, why would you be concerned with your boyfriend having any female friends?
I don't get it. . . .
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female
reader, willywombat +, writes (14 February 2007):
This is soooo weird...
Can you not see that you are potentially a major control freak...when does this 'ideal' man get time to breathe. As for other women thing, how about his family or don't they count.
Look, get yourself some counselling....I think you are being controlling before you ahve anything to control OMG!!
It is hardly suprising you are single, you probably reek of desperation and no guy would be willing to hand over his life to you on a plate like that!
Would you act in the same way if a guy you met had this list of rules for YOU to follow? How could you without being suffocated?
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (14 February 2007): I guarantee you, if you found anyone with all those "qualities" you'd dump them before long!
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female
reader, NuttyGooner +, writes (14 February 2007):
 I'm not here to win favour or anything, but Christ, are you mad? No wonder you're single!Okie Dokie, let's try it this way:1. Would you share all email and IM passwords (including this site? - Nah, didn't think so)2. Do you have no, or only one, male friend (including work colleagues - hmm... there's a surprise)3. Would you tell your bloke every time you one DECLARED bloke mate calls up - What? That sounds a little obsessive? Hmm! 4. Are you planning on telling your prospective when you go basically anywhere (including the Clinic/Colonic Irrigation/Maxing out his card (which you will expect to have full control over in Pierre Cardin - what no?)5. Cut out your family time (even while your child/relative is distressed) and devote that time to him? "Your" time should be when the kids go to bed!6. Do you want him to tag along when you go to your mate who has just been dumped by yet another b*st*rd bloke? Sounds a bit insensitive? Aww - Diddums!7. I take it that you're not going to travel out of state to a college reunion/sorority party out of state w/o him? 8. Will you sacrifice your internet, just so you won't goes IM people, and print out chat logs of whatever you say when you do. You're not going to to be ordering anything off ebay by anychance, now are you? It's a bit of a no-no! 9. You would not want to, and never will look at, other blokes - I suggest a blindfold!10. Call and texts him a few times every hour or two - what do you do with your day? Do you not have work or something?11. Never meet other men except when absolutely necessary (so that meeting with the decorator is out, then!)Unless he's in a gimp mask - good luck!
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female
reader, TasteofIndia +, writes (13 February 2007):
 Oops. Typo. When I said:
"EVERYBODY, man OR woman should hand themselves over to someone so completely."
I meant: EVERYBODY(I guess "Anybody" would be more fitting here), man OR woman shouldN'T hand themselves over to someone so completely.
"Shouldn't"
not
"should"
Goodness, India. Get yourself together!
xxMe
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female
reader, TasteofIndia +, writes (13 February 2007):
Crazy.
If some guy asked me to be this way for him, I'd sooner die. I don't care if the guy is Johnny Depp. Can't go anywhere without you? FAMILY TIME doesn't interefere with YOUR time? You'd be really lucky to have a guy who cares deeply about his family and wants to spend time with them. That's honorable, respectful of his family and wonderful.
If you find a guy like this, I feel bad for him already. If he is this much of a doormat, this dependent on you, this attached to you, my GOODNESS does he have problems.
My Mother always told me, when you get into a relationship your world should become much BIGGER not much smaller. If you find a guy who does all this for you, he will then have no life. No independence. No freedom. EVERYBODY, man OR woman should hand themselves over to someone so completely. It is wonderful to have a man who cares deeply about you, who wants to hang out with you a lot and talk to you on the phone. Someone who shares some of his secrets and fears with you. Someone who trusts you so much, he doesn't mind if you know the password to his e-mail account.
MUTUAL trust is important in a relationship. And TRUST means that you don't need to have him call you everytime he changes location. If you truly trust him, you don't need this dumb list. You're the only girl for him. If you believe that, and he truly loves you and you truly love him, you won't need to be this controlling. And you won't want to tote him around on a dog leash. You'll know that where ever he is and who ever he's with, he loves you and he's thinking about YOU all the time.
I guess that's what I think.
To each her own, I know I know. And if you find a guy like this, congratulations. If there's someone out there who is dying to do these things for you, well - you're perfect for each other. I know I was harsh and I'm sorry. But geeze!
xxIndia
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (12 February 2007): Wow, everything on you list is about your insecurities. The list is far more reflective about who you are than about any possible future boyfriend.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (12 February 2007): do u only have one male friend? (or none?) thats pretty tough. sounds a little too over the top to me...
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female
reader, Seratuki +, writes (11 February 2007):
 Ok..
This may sound odd...but that list describes my fiancee to a T.
He's exactly like that..although I don't expect him to be...he gave me his IM amd email passwords without my asking...just becauase he wanted me to know I could trust him.
If a person offers that info...then sure..and some men do!!!! but you can't place a list of demands on someone from the get go.
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female
reader, carlyuk +, writes (11 February 2007):
 you sound like a total control freak, no men are like this and any sane person wouldn't want them to be. you sound so insecure.
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male
reader, Dr. Reality Check +, writes (11 February 2007):
 Wow! You sound SOOOOOO insecure! No, I dont believe there are any guys out there looking to be a dog chained to a lamppost. And if there are I kinda think they'd get sick of it really fast. Are you so lacking in trust that you need all of these factors to make a relationship work? I think you need to talk to somebody about your trust issues and insecurities before they take over your whole life...if they haven't already. Good luck.
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female
reader, Jendorset +, writes (11 February 2007):
Ok first off, you want a guy that doesnt go anywhere without you. And doesnt do anything without you or telling you before he does it. Are you a complete control freak. I understand you dont want him seeing other woman, and i dont want my boyfriend to either. BUT, trying to own him will make him do all these things he shouldnt. If a guy wanted ME to do all the things you want a guy to. I would tell him where to shove it and find someone else.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (11 February 2007): errrrm? are you kidding?? good luck finding one & when you do .. keep us informed.
i feel sorry for any guy who has to put up with the following things that you have listed as the "PERFECT" boyfriend. no one wants to be controlled.
what if the list was to be turned around... ermm perhaps towards you. would you like it?
are you perfect? i don't think so.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (11 February 2007): the fact that you list all these characteristics as making up your 'perfect' boyfriend demonstrate an EXTREME level of insecurity. you want their passwords and to know where they are all the time b/c you find it hard to trust. you want them to always be with you b/c you find yourself feeling empty when they're not around, or wondering whether their feelings have changed. the bottom line is that you've got a big aching hole in you, and you're hoping a boyfriend will be able to fill it. but no one can, except you. even if you found a boy that did all of these things, i promise you, it wouldn't be enough. there'd be something else. take some time and do some serious reflecting on your self-image and level of insecurity. then revisit this list after 5 or 6 months of meeting with a professional therapist. some of the people sound kind of harsh, but i don't think they mean it that way. it's just that ... the problem is really obvious to anyone outside of your situation, mostly b/c we've all been there to some degree at one time or another, and you're just at the very far extreme. get some help. you'll be glad you did.
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female
reader, vina_101 +, writes (11 February 2007):
 This isn't what you want to hear right now but I'm going to say it anyway. Oh my God you are so possesive! This perfect guy in your mind does NOT exist, just because a guy is your boyfrined that doesn't mean you own him. He has a life to live too you know! He deserves privacy and alone time, he has a right to have his own friends, he has a right to have his own circle of friends. You cannot control someones life like that and have such unreasonable demands!
Why should a guy have to explain his every move to you? Why does he have to inform you of every detail that happens in his life? Why are you so insecure? Why are you so possesive?Why do you want to control your boyfriend?
Do you hear yourself? Could you live like that with all those impossible unreasonable demands? Come on now, you can't be serious.
I'm guessing your current boyfriend has annoyed by doing things related to your list and to make yourself feel better you've gone and made this up. I'm glad you vented your anger here, hopefully once you calm down you'll be more logical in your thinking.
To answer your question, there are NO men like this. No self respecting men anyway. I really do hope you just wrote this out of anger and you don't seriously expect to find this so called 'perfect' guy. If you are serious then I am sad for you that you think this 'perfect' guy exists.
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male
reader, maxsteel86 +, writes (11 February 2007):
 Maybe a real straight man wouldn't but I know some homosexual guys who are pretty...submissive. I think you need to relax those rules a little. Gay guys aren't into women (unless they're bi) so having a few female friends shouldn't be too much of a concern. But I think you'd be hard pressed to find someone who'll follow through on all those points. Then again, thats your list for a 'perfect' guy and we all know no one's perfect
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reader, anonymous, writes (11 February 2007): Erm are you being SERIOUS?!?
This is so unfair on the guy that I am shocked!!!
Why should they share theyre passwords and not be friends with girls.
Youll never find a man like this because a real man wouldn't let you control him this way
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