A
female
age
41-50,
*needaholiday
writes:hi. i had been dating someone for 2 1/2 years - let's call him jim. jim and i met online, both in relationships we were tired of. so we broke up with our respective others to get together. a week later, we had our first date. it was perfect. in the few short weeks i knew him, jim had given me more attention than i had ever received in my whole life. needless to say, i began to fall for him. however, after that very passionate first month, things began to cool down. i didn't hear from him or see him much. eventually, i said i wanted more and he said he wasn't ready for a relationship and that we should be friends. i tried to move on. it was hard, but i got used to not hearing from him or seeing him. then, a few weeks later, he imed me to tell me he had gone on two dates with a girl who wanted to be in a relationship, and he didn't want that. so i angrily told him that was inappropriate to tell me, and that i had feelings for him, etc. later that day, he said he wanted to make it up to me and would come visit me. two days later, he said he was ready to be with me. from that moment on, we were official. the start of our relationship was a bit shaky, i even thought i wanted to break up with him once when it seemed he was up to his old tricks (not contacting me or seeing me, etc). we worked it out and remained together. eight months into our relationship, he told me he loved me, and i had never been happier; i too loved him, very much.as time wore on, i noticed that he would contact me less and less; we rarely saw each other. when i asked him about it, he would tell me he just didn't get attached to people and that it didn't seem like a big deal, but that he was happy with me. these sort of conversations came up more and more, because i was worrying and feeling neglected often. he eventually wound up telling me that not only did he never think about me and wished i wouldn't think of him, he wished i would meet someone else and that he would be fine if we broke up. i was extremely hurt. two days later, after no reassurance or affection from him, i broke up with him via text message very impulsively. he emailed me later in the day and said he understood and that we could be friends but if i couldn't handle it that would be fine with him. we made plans for him to drop off things i kept at his house that weekend.as soon as i saw him, i broke down. i admitted i had given it no thought and it was a mistake and that i wanted him back. he seemed reluctant, given the way the past few months had gone. i told him i could deal with it better, any pain i had experienced the past few months was nothing compared to this. i told him i could deal better, i told him i had spent every second since i texted him thinking about what a mistake it was. he said he did homework and went to a football game and barely thought about it (ouch). he went on to tell me he hadnt wanted to break up with me just to keep me in his life. so i asked him if none of the intimate things we shared had meant anything to him. he said he did miss those things and he looked sad. he said it was tempting to get back together, but he didnt want to hurt me. then he began crying, and when i asked why, he said it was because he remembered our first date. i asked for a hug and it was the first time i felt ok in the past few weeks. he said he would think about getting back with me and i offered to give him space. we hugged again and he was crying some more.this was two days ago, i have not heard from him since. i miss him so much i feel like a ghost walking around. i cry all the time and have been taking melatonin early in the evening just to sleep so i dont have to think but its impossible to get out of bed in the morning.what do you guys think? im scared i will never hear from him again. i love him so much and i cannot picture myself with anyone else, nor do i want that. i would love another chance with him. should i continue to avoid contacting him until he contacts me or should i try to tell him that i miss him or anything? has anyone been in a similar situation? i just want the pain to go away...
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broke up, get back together, met online, move on, text Reply to this Question
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female
reader, Sunystar1 +, writes (18 October 2010):
 I'm glad that you looked up the behaviors and saw that it wsa a direct fit. Now you have to understand how those behaviors are used by the person who has it. If you do end up calling, prepare yourself for a long time of "THE SAME THING!" Very few people will seek help if they see they have nothing wrong with them. Truth is, we all have quirks, but some are chemical brain imbalances and it can cause them great pain and the ones who love them. But I am glad you took the time and that was very smart! Best wishes again.
A
female
reader, SweetindianGirl +, writes (7 October 2010):
i can honestly tell you girl, i literally had the same situation except my guy was for 3 years anyway, dont contact him, i know you want to but if you are the type of person who is relieved once she knows she has tried then by all means go ahea, but make sure you have Nothign to lose before you contact him, his reaction can go both ways. the only wya to get a guy to even think of you si when you dont contact him its so stupid i know, but you cant be his doormat! let him be yours!
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A
female
reader, ineedaholiday +, writes (6 October 2010):
ineedaholiday is verified as being by the original poster of the questionhi everyone, thanks for your great feedback. as of right now, i am just going to try to wait and see if he contacts me, i'm trying not to think about him but it is so so so hard.
also to the person who mentioned narcissism, it's funny, he admitted to that but i had never really heard of it before and i looked it up in the DSM and it was him to a t.
despite knowing i should be moving on, i still have feelings for him, i'm not one for marriage or kids, but i could have seen myself with him for much longer than the two years we had. we got along well for the most part, and i feel like if we lived closer (We live half hour away from each other) things would have been better. ugh.
i guess for now i'll just try to see if i think about him less as the days go on..
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A
female
reader, natmarie  +, writes (6 October 2010):
 By the way - Habv you thought about maybe going to visit your GP to get some treatment to get you through this patch? x
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A
female
reader, natmarie +, writes (6 October 2010):
Hi. I am so srry you are going through this. I am going through exabtly the same thing. The only thing yu can do really is to see if he conacts you. I know it;s hard, but cut him off asnd let him miss you. I am actully off work for the nexty two weks, as I am unable to odo anything. YOu will get better - but it could take some time. It als sounds like he has commitment issues. He has been very hurtful towards you sayinhg the stuff he said. Let me know how you are getting on.I wish you luck. Natmariex
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A
female
reader, Mimi7682  +, writes (6 October 2010):
its ok, I understand the feeling. Relax, if you call him and just talk and laugh it will be okay. Make him happy, don't argue it will only push him away. If you guys love each other you never really broke up ;-) trust me. don't let your man go girl, don't loose him but don't act crazy either.
P.S. If you "talk" to someone else he would loose his mind trying to kill you and him.
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A
female
reader, Sunystar1 +, writes (6 October 2010):
Honey, I have been in a situation very similar to this. DO NOT call him. He is testing you to see what he can and can't do to you in a relationship. He wants his cake and icecream too. You need to stand your ground with your demands on what you desire from a relationship or you will end up like me, feeling that you settled and constantly jumping through his hoops to get his love. Look up sociopathic and narcissitc behaviors - see if he fits it to that. Then look up co-dependency and see if you fit in to that. This is my situation and if I could rewind, I would. But now 2 kids and a fake marriage later, I am so unhappy and becoming a very bitter person. I feel that I have to honor my vows and except the marriage for what it is. But I have been used because I shared all of me in truth and my vulnerabilities which he used to his advantage to get the easy life. Please don't settle and end up like me. If he loves you, he will earn it and prove to you that you are worth the effort. Don't flip it around. I've noticed a big change in society. Men are more like woman and woman more like men. Most of my friends have men that don't do half of what they do. Just like me....I pay for everything and I care for our kids with little help. Out of 100 packs of diapers, he has bought 2. Please don't end up like me. There is someone out there that will love u the way u want to be loved. Just believe in your worth and this may hurt, but it won't hurt as bad as if you really put years in to this relationship only to be rejected with his need of space. Woman are gifts and beautiful creations....find a man that knows and feels that. Wishing u the best.
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A
female
reader, monkey friend +, writes (6 October 2010):
I met a guy online too and we used to talk a lot then he stopped talking to me for almost two weeks, then I emailed him about it and he says he was just overly busy and stressed with work, but I hate those excuses. Busy or not you just don't stop talking to someone for so long. Now, I don't know to break it off or not. I missed him for like a week afterwards, then I started to get used to not talking to him, and now I don't care much if I ever talk to him again or not, and I am yet to determine which. My point is, you will start to miss him less and less and one day you won't think about him much or at all. You also need to analyze, are you just infatuated with him or do you TRULY love him? And if you love him, do you really love him or is it just because you've been talking to him for 2 years? You need to analyze that. Personally, I think you can do better. Don't settle for less if you can settle for more. Don't settle for just any guy.
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A
male
reader, QdBrown +, writes (6 October 2010):
Walk away. You sound too good of a person to put yourself through that kind of constant sorrow.
I know how you feel, but taken as a whole, you both rebounded out of bad relationships, to only find the next one. Take some time off from dating, and work on you, find you, and find that love within yourself before attempting it with another.
This guy will try to come back, and back, and back because he likes the bounce. Let him go, and then get on with it, you that is.
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A
female
reader, scrdofyou +, writes (6 October 2010):
 Men like this eat up this sort of attention. It will hurt for a long time maybe but youll heal, its better than staying around and being hurt, and then end up hurt in the end anyways.
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A
female
reader, SillyB +, writes (6 October 2010):
 He needs to be just as upset, missing you, unable to sleep and all that. BUT, he isn't.
This is sad hun, but he doesn't love you the way you love him. Its so utterly horrible and there just isn't anything you can do but get through the pain.
You know, think about all the uncertainty you've gone through - him being distant and unaffectionate and not communicating. This was all a reg flag and showed his true feelings.
Hope things get better. You deserve better and will find it. Chin up!
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A
female
reader, scrdofyou +, writes (6 October 2010):
Girl you need to let him go and move on. It almost seems like he enjoys seeing you this sad over him. He goes along with it and says he misses you and everything else etc etc, but he rarely contacts you, and the fact that he knows he is hurting you and does nothing to change just shows how much he really does care. This man sounds all about himself.
Just wait it out a few more days and see if HE contacts you, if he does not, then I think you have your answer.
I wish you the best of luck I know how youre feeling :(~
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