A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Need help please!.... I have known this guy since 2006 we dated for almost 3yrs.. We broke up for good 10 months ago.... We started to go back out in 09 of October im now pregnant by him I will have the baby in 5 days .... im so in love with him I been depressed for the last month and a half cause he left me cause he dont know what he wants. he did not keep in contact with me at all, no texts to see how im feeling. I would call him once every two weeks he will not answer me.... I know he been going out drinking with his friends and im sure with other girls and that kills me.... Cause I love him so much and im about to have our baby girl in five days, our first baby. He finally came around two days ago that he sorry and what not.... He told me he was seeing the girl for 3 weeks she meant nothing to him so he says.... I asked him did you have sex with her ... He said yea.... I DIDNT EVEN GIVE HIM TIME TO TALK I JUST HUNG UP THE PHONE ... An started crying like a big baby, he called a couple of times but I didnt answer. i have not talk to him since he called two days ago, i want to but it kills me to know he was doing all that with her while im home pregnant . He did me wrong in everyway . Im hurt idk what to do I want to get back with him cause he has my heart and I love him and miss him... I've known him since I was 15 im now 21 .... but all I can think about is him having sex with her:"( How do I deal with this? What do I do? Please help me out.. ... Thank You!
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female
reader, svf  +, writes (25 March 2011):
 Oh Sweetheart... and you are so young and understandably emotional due to your pregnancy hormones and you have also been abandoned. Of course you love him and miss him, because that has been the only thing on your brain the past year, because his baby is growing inside your body, so you have nothing else to help distract you from your feelings of hurt and abandonment right now.I know, because that's what happened to me with my daughter 9 years ago. I have to still deal with the asshole, but I was like yourself, except 30 and I'd known him since I was 14(!) we were engaged, flat hunting, etc, then, all of a sudden, he changes his mind! Some men are pigs (and it doesn't help that our daughter's will always think the sun shines out of their daddy's a*****e - as all little girls do - Girls love their Dads!But be brave and strong, I know it is terrible having no one to share your pregnancy with except your friends, I know you really want the man you love to be there and be that 'Knight in Shining Armour', but I just don't think he's the 'one'. My obstetrician told me at the time "if the man takes off and stays away for more than 6 weeks, in my experience, they don't come back and if they do they don't stay around for long". That lovely Doctor (he gave me ovarian drilling to conceive my daughter 9 years ago - and yes she was a planned baby as I have polycystic ovaries and suffer from infertility) was absolutely right.Please look after yourself, you little Mummy-to-be x and try not to get to depressed about things. I know single mothers are prone to depression (I had pre-natal and post-natal) and this is NOT YOUR fault if you do get this, as you are going through so many changes in your life by yourself because of his selfish actions. Hold your head high and be proud of what you have coped with and gone through. You never know what's around the corner!And I hope you find a really beautiful partner who will treasure you. It will make all the difference to your feelings for your baby's father when you are loved for being the beautiful woman you are. In time you will look back and realise that you are the stronger one, and you will always have that self respect to keep you going when times get tough.And who know's possibly another pregancy! Good luck with your labour, I hope it isn't too strenuous for you? Is he going to be at the birth? I hope that he can at least do that for you, so you have someone intimate to share it with. If he's not, you deserve a hell of a lot better. I wish you so much goodluck, strength and happiness honey.By the way, I am trying to remember the old 'labour' pains once more - unexpectedly, I'm 2 1/2 months pregnant myself! I promise you, the second time around and having the support has made such a HUGE difference. No pre-natal depression and as happy as Larry! You watch and see, the beautiful world is just around the corner, wonderful and waiting for you to open the door and step inside to meet your new baby girl. You will love being a mother. It is not your fault that some men truly have such a lot to answer for in this world.x
A
female
reader, SunnyRTC  +, writes (24 March 2011):
 I think its inevitable that you would want to be with him.And being pregnant is such an emotional rollercoaster. Just have to be honest with him and tell him how much it hurt you and tell yourself that too. Keep a journal. Write it all down. Hopefully with time it comes to you your decision of where you go from here.I wish you the best.
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A
female
reader, SillyB +, writes (24 March 2011):
 You are young and hormonal right now. So you're not thinking logically. The man betrayed you - he wasn't there during the pregnancy, he left you to party and have sex with other women.He's still a very immature boy. You now need to think about yourself and how to make things better for yourself and the baby. First, are you keeping the baby? YOu should think about whether this is the right environment to bring a baby into. Second, you need to surround yourself with family and friends. You need major support right now. MOve back in with a family member while the baby is young. Third, make yourself better - work on getting your education. You will have a hard life without a great career and will always be in a position of reliance on a man. If you're independent you'll be easily able to walk away and look after yourself if a man mistreats you.Having said this, no there is nothing to forgive here. He has shown his true colors and now you have to deal with the reality that he isn't someone you can depend on or keep your heart safe with. Make him pay child support, but move on. There are much better men out there.
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A
female
reader, MamaBear +, writes (24 March 2011):
At 21 surely you know what makes babies! I have a hard time "feeling sorry" about this relationship since the signals were clear probably from Day One. This guy is young and still sowing his oats and you fall "madly in love" with him and obviously have unprotected sex! But now, you need to put him and his other girls out of your mind, and seriously think only of yourself, your child and where you want your Future to go. This will not be an easy road to walk for the next 18 or so years. You'll need to take him to court to pay child support (it may make him grow up), You'll need a job, good medical insurance. You'll have to consider your living arrangements, having a car, etc. This will make you grow up fast. Maybe you;ll want to give the child up for adoption. But, whatever you decide to do, this will be a big step forward for you and your future. Good luck!
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A
male
reader, dirtball +, writes (24 March 2011):
 Focus on yourself and your baby. He's an asshole, and probably better left in your past. Make sure he's listed as the father so that you can receive child support.
He skipped out on you at a time when you needed him the most. That shows his true character. If you ask me, that character is quite ugly.
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A
male
reader, Heisenberg +, writes (24 March 2011):
It's time to focus less on that relationship and more on your upcoming child. The same goes for him. I seriously doubt that relationship is going to work out, which is probably a good thing, in the long run. If he's willing to step out a month before he's expecting to have a child with you, that probably is a good indication of his character, maturity, sense of responsibility, judgement, etc. In other words, not someone you are going to want to be with.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (24 March 2011): From reading your question i would say as your pregnant give him a second chance IF he's sorry and realises what he's done AND you feel you can learn to trust him again. BUT if he doesn't seem bothered by what he's done or if you feel you're always going to be living in fear or him sleeping with another girl he really isn't worth it and you need to do the right thing for you and your child and move on. You need a guy you can trust and rely on and your child will need a Dad they can also rely on and who will stick with you both and do everything he can to support you. If he's off sleeping with another girl ezpecially when you're pregnant then i would keep your guard up and have a really long talk about it with him and take ti from there. But it's not just about you now it's about if you can introduce this guy to your baby because if he mucks up he's not hurting only you but an innocent little child. I know someone who had this happen and moved on and met someone else who was totally perfect knew what he had in being with her and now they are married and have a little family. He took her son in as his own and he was worth the wait - that's the sort of guy you want! So if things do fall apart - know there's still hope!
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A
female
reader, kaykay1989  +, writes (24 March 2011):
 I am so sorry to hear that. This has got be very tough for your right now. I know you still love him and you will because you've been together a while but as much as this is going to hurt you by me saying this I think you well shot of him.You will get over him in time and when you have this baby it will be hard for the first couple of months but you have to be strong and concentrate and look after this beautiful baby your about to bring into this world. He is the father I think you should text him or ring him again and remind him the baby is here in 5 days because no matter what he's still the father of this baby and he has the right to be in this baby's life.The reason why I say Your well shot of him is because what if a month or a year or a couple of years time the going gets tough especially in the 1st couple of months of this childs life what is he going to do? how is he going to act? Is he going run off in to the arms of someone else when the going gets tough? These are questions your going to need to ask yourself.xoxoxox
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