A
female
age
30-35,
*annapao26
writes:Okay so I've dating my boyfriend for 5 months I love him more then anything. I'm in college and he works. He's 34 years old and I'm 19 years old. I know there is a big gap but I love him and I feel like he does loves me back. so we had issues in the past but now its all good... he wants to video tape us having sex and idk if I'm really comfortable with it but I do want to do it for him and it kind of something I might want to try. However, I'm Conscious that it might be a mistake but I do really love him and I'm willing to do anything for him. He's the most amazing person ever. Should I make the sex tape or will it be a terrible mistake or should I take the risk? Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (11 January 2011): please wise up to this guy before he messes your life up real good. Of course he always protects you (at the moment).
That's a no brainer. You are his merchandise that he's going to market. In a sex tape. And who knows what else?
He'll keep on protecting you until something better comes along.
Go get the video 'Human Trafficking' with
Donald Sutherland and watch it from beginning to end. It might make you
wake up to how sweet some very bad
men can act, while they are procuring the
merchandise.
You are important to him while you are
of use to him. But another girl will take your place. Just as all the girls before you discovered.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (11 January 2011): Oh Dear, I don't need to look into a crystal ball to see the outcome of this.
I am not being facicious when I say that your thinking is just like an immature 19 year old (sorry no offence to the 19 year olds)
So he takes care of you like another child just like how he takes care of his 3 kids from different mothers? Seems like you are hung up on the older man who has become a father figure to you??
When do you tell your family about this love affair? Do you think they will approve?
I looked through the answers here and so many Aunts have given you invaluable advice.
Its a pity that it goes into one ear and out the other.
Plse remember we are all strangers but the similarity of advice is proof that your older man is not as kosher as he seems. If someone seems too good to be true they usually are.
Anyways everyone, I'm done with this thread. You can take a horse to the water but if it chooses not to drink then ......
Take Care OP. Becareful.
LoveGirl
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A
female
reader, dannapao26 +, writes (11 January 2011):
dannapao26 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionYes different mothers and I have thought of it I know it sounds crazy. He's a great father I mean his children have always been the most important thing for him and I'm happy they are because that's how it should be. I know he cares he always protects me and its there when I need him the most.
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reader, anonymous, writes (11 January 2011): 3 kids, different mothers?
A 19 year old step momma to his kids? Have you thought of this? Or are you only in this for the sex, same as him. Do u see yourself long term with this man?
As you reveal bits of info on him, I get a sense that you are out of your depth with him. Alarm bells. Only thing, you choose not to hear them.
I think u are just his latest toy and once he is tired of you and the novelty wears off then u will see him unmasked.
Warning bells my dear, mark my words.
LoveGirl
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reader, anonymous, writes (11 January 2011): what this man is trying to get you to do is exploitation and degrading. Sure you think you handle him now, and handle anything he's suggesting.But you are out of your depth in the cess pool he's familiar with, but you are not.And if you have already agreed, in your mind, to this very bad idea, then things will only go from bad to worse. In a few years - imagine: you secure a really good job - only to find some of the men sniggering at you, because they have seen the tape. You end up leaving the job as the snide remarks are too horrible to endure.It is so sad to see this trainwreck idea rolling at break neck down the hill to eventual disaster. He'll tell you there'll only be one edition of the tape. Of course he'll be lying, as he'll have the means to send copies off. After that he has no control over how many more tapes go all over the place. How much is he planning to pocket when he sells the tape to the highest bidder?This man is unreliable otherwise he would, by now, be married to at least one of the mothers of the children he has fathered. The existence three innocent illegitimate children tell me he is a man who has unprotected sex. Just watch that he does not get you pregnant as well, and leaves you holding the baby. He's done it three times before. This man is not worthy of you and he will ruin your reputation.
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reader, maverick494 +, writes (11 January 2011):
Well, the guy obviously did some good things for you. That said, you should always be wary of sextapes. These things are known to end up on the internet. Is there a legit reason why you should do this other than to just please him? Ask him why he wants that sextape so bad. And don't agree to do it unless he gives you a satisfactory explanation (though I can't think of anything that would be convincing.)
Ofcourse, it's your own decision. Just don't be one of those girls who ends up being surprised if it does find the way to the internet.
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female
reader, dannapao26 +, writes (11 January 2011):
dannapao26 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHe is not married .. he has 3 kids tho two girls and a boy. it scares me sometimes to be with an older guy but I don't really know how it happened but it did .....I moved in the same neighborhood as him around 7 months ago and I got a lot of attention as soon as I moved here, it was like if they've never seen a girl however, as soon as I saw him he cought my eyes he was so different from all the other guys.... he was there with me when my life was at risk in the hospital, he went to see me and called me every single day.. those are few of the reasons of why I love him.
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (11 January 2011): You are being set up. Believe it or not, that is what is happening.
"he's the badboy type but he has an amazing heart"
No, he doesn't, he's using you and he knows what he is doing because he's not doing this with a 34 year old woman who knows this game. He's trying to "own" you, and not be a partner to you.
Once that tape is made, he will have a hold on you like you don't want anyone to have.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (10 January 2011): OK OP, you make your decision.
Your badboy is just that!
Your secret relationship won't be secret for much longer. Imagine your family seeing you in action.
He is so much older than you. What's his story? Married/Divorced/Separated?
Ten years from now you will remember the responses to your dilemma
LoveGirl
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female
reader, Abella +, writes (10 January 2011):
 a guy can seem like the nicest guy in the world, until you say no to him. Do not relent on this sex tape idea. If he is going to be with you for a long time, then WHY does he need the TROPHY of a sex tape?
Who is likely to see this in the future?
Why would you need to look at yourselves on this tape in the future?
The truth is the sex tape will do YOU no favors, ever. But there is a high possibility that the tape will be used in the future for things you would never agree to.
Sex / making love should be a private respectful activity. Not something to tape.
It is a terrible idea. It shows either:
1. Bad judgment on his part. Think what copies (and copies will be made) of this tape can become? Think what a single click (to send it on to his friends- which invariably does happen).
2. Possible Bad Intent to boast about what he has been achieving, behind your back. Guys DO talk to their male friends - with a blow by blow description of everything they did. If you knew the extent of this boasting you would be shocked
3. Potential exploitation intent on his part in the future. Things are fine right now. But at the first sign of his disinterest or his discontent you could end up on one of the sex sites. Someone will recognise it is you. Imagine people you know sitting back gob-smacked to see you on screen - and thinking you did it willingly?
4. Tells more about his view of you - a sexual object. Why does he need a tape? - Suggesting a sex tape is a disrespectful idea. It should send off high decibel screaming alarms. It is a very bad idea
5. When a guy truly respects a girl he would NEVER suggest a sex tape. It not an honorable suggestion and not respectful to you - no matter from what angle you shine the blow torch on this idea.
Remind him you are not a Porn-star and no intention of going on that road.
Try saying No No No to him - then find out how sweet he is - NOT - when you thwart him? See him kicks up the gears to try to influence you, to say yes, if you seem reluctant to take this very wrong step.
Be very very wary - can you be certain that has not already secretly taped you?
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female
reader, dannapao26 +, writes (10 January 2011):
dannapao26 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks everyone for all your comments.. it will sure help me make the right choice. I know it might seem like he's manipulating me but he's a great person .. he's the badboy type but he has an amazing heart. My whole family knows him and they lovee him they don't know we are dating yet and that's something I've waiting for the right time to tell them. However, I think they've noticed that there's something going on.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (10 January 2011): If this much older man loved you (even a bit) then he will not pressurise you to make a sex tape.You say you had problems in the beginning. What were they?You barely know anything about him. He is almost twice your age. Why do u want to compromise your integrity? Do you want the whole world to see you in all your glory.Making a sex tape for him /with him is your biggest nightmare come true.Yes you can become an instant porn star. He can turn malicious and distribute it 'accidentally' to your friends and family.He can blackmail you with it.Perhaps your college professors may get a rise from it as well.The list is endless.I think your 34 year old is feeding you bull. Does he say it will bring you closer as a couple? Tells you if you do it then it proves just how much you love him or if you don't it proves that you don't love him???You are a mere gal, a 19 year old sweetheart. Hun, plse do not mess up your life. 20/30 minutes of inappropriate footage can cost you your future. Please you DO NOT need to prove how much you love him by making this tape. You scare me with your words' I will do anything for him'. It means that you are not acting on your own and feel pressurised to do this.One day you will have kids. Do u want them to come across mum as a cheap pornstar?Think carefully. You know this man for only 5 months. Remember your actions will have consequences. I think mr older guy is contemplating something big for you. Meaning he has plans to use this to launch your career.Don't do it hun. You don't know this man at all.LoveGirl
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female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (10 January 2011):
 Trust your gut, honey.
Your gut tell you no. A no is a no.
If he wants to "watch" the two of you, set up a bunch of mirrors and go at it, you really don't need a "sextape" Sex tapes are for losers.
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male
reader, baddogbj  +, writes (10 January 2011):
 Best not to, really.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (10 January 2011): These things always come back to haunt you. DON'T DO IT!!! And make sure that he is not secretly taping you either. There is a good reason why you are uncomfortable with doing this, and that's because you know it's not a good idea at all.
Hmmmmm...... a 34 year old man wanting to tape himself having sex with his 19 year old girlfriend? Ya, likely for his own ego and to say he nailed a young chick. No offense to you at all, but you will be hurt by it, not him. Have your fun while it lasts, but don't make a tape. You have a lot of life ahead of you...don't potentially ruin in with a right now moment such as this.
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male
reader, ranger123 +, writes (10 January 2011):
Do not do it. The fact you are willing to do anything for this guy is very worrisome. Making sex tapes usually ends badly for most people. The only situation where it would make sense, is for an older longtime married couple looking to spice up their sex lives.
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female
reader, Mayann +, writes (10 January 2011):
OMG...absolutely not! almost always this will be a pawn to use against you at any time in your relationship. How about doing other sexual things with him like doing it in front of a mirror if he want to watch the act but not on anything permanent. good luck! sorry to say this but he is much older and he should know better not to ask that of you, any older woman would have challenged him and said "no". think about that.
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female
reader, dmartin89  +, writes (10 January 2011):
 Wait until your are in a more secure and trusting place in your relationship. Then it will be something you can both enjoy.
I don't know anything about this guy so I can't comment on his wish with accuracy, maybe he is trying to take advantage or maybe he just feels comfortable around you enough to suggest this.
I don't think anyone can assume that he is an distrustful person who would upload the video online.
For now, tell him that you arnt comfortable with it now, but will consider it ad your relationship progresses.
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female
reader, cat lady +, writes (10 January 2011):
 No, double no, hell no! Show that 34-year-old pervert the door and find a decent man. Better yet, since you're encountering weird situations like this, perhaps you could concentrate on some more constructive use of your time than sexual relationships, like your education or career. Get busy with something you like and whilst you're doing that, you're sure to meet people with whom you have interests and values in common.
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reader, anonymous, writes (10 January 2011): Do not do it. You may regret it if you split up and he has the tape. You could be scared he'd use it to hurt you. You are only 19 and have your whole life ahead of you. So only do things you want to do and nothing that you feel is not right for you. You say you'll do anything to please him - that sounds a bit worrying to me. It sounds as if you are vunerable to being used. Be wary
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reader, maverick494 +, writes (10 January 2011):
I don´t think it´s a good idea at all. I never understood the purpose of such a tape: why watch yourself having sex if you can get sex with that person right at that moment? Why does he want a sex tape? Nostalgic reasons? I doubt it.
You have to realize that every tape, no matter how 'private' is at risk of ending up on internet. Many amateur tapes end up on pornsites, where lots of people get to see them. Hell, often these tapes are made just for that purpose. Why? Well for one many guys like to show off their hot girlfriends. Another reasons is if said guy becomes your ex he might throw it online because he has no obligations to you anymore.
You might love him and he just might love you, but often guys on the high end of the age gap are aware of their advantage and try to manipulate you. I've fallen for older guys too and I have experienced this behavior first hand. You hope that people his age are responsible and mature, but when it comes to sex and getting what they want, this is not always the case.
If he's so amazing as you say he is, he will not push you into doing something you're not comfortable with.
So, say you do not want to do it and don't argue with him--that way he can still talk you into cooperating with him. Just make it a statement "I'm sorry but I don't want to do this." If he says "but.." you say "no buts. I don't want to do it, end of story."
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male
reader, cupid_1234 +, writes (10 January 2011):
 Don't do it ever and you will ave peace of mind.
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female
reader, Plexi  +, writes (10 January 2011):
 Don't do anything that makes you feel uncomfortable just to please someone else. Do it only if YOU want to do it and that's it. Keep in mind that once you make it, anyone could see it and it could be used against you in the future. What happens if you 2 have a bad break up, you find another guy fall in love and your current bf wants to get back at you by showing this tape to your new guy? You need to be aware of these things before you agree to being taped
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reader, anonymous, writes (10 January 2011): Take good advice from someone who knows,do not do it he will use it against you if things end between you after 5 yrs of dating my now ex he decided i needed punishing and posted a few we had done to the internet
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reader, anonymous, writes (10 January 2011): ”I'm willing to do anything for him“
This is a mistake, you should never be willing do ANYTHING for anyone- there should be limits to what you're willing to do.
Would you kill for him? That is an extreme example, but you get my point.
My feeling is don't do the tape, unless you know and trust him very, very well, this could come back to haunt you one day.
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male
reader, Jmtmj  +, writes (10 January 2011):
 Mmmm... Probably best not to, you don't want a sex tape floating around. However if you do, I suggest that you only agree to do it if you have the only copy of the tape and you keep it under lock and key.
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reader, anonymous, writes (10 January 2011): The fact that your conscience kicks in miss is a sure fire sign not to take the risk. Regards.
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female
reader, Sweety123 +, writes (10 January 2011):
 i think u might end up regretting it in the furure because they can be put online or used as blackmail and lead to serious embarrassment and later wen u have children wat if they found it online or something i dont think u should do it but its your choice
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reader, anonymous, writes (10 January 2011): This is a very serious decision that you must make for yourself. I have made a sex tape with me boyfriend and I knew for a positive fact that it was for us only and he kept it on his computer, however his xbox streamed movies from his computer to the tv and his brother accidentally clicked on it while we had a few people over and let me tell you how embarrassing that was! I don't regret it we laugh at it now, but beware that many celebrities made sex tapes when they were younger just like many people do and it came back to haunt them.
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