A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:Hi - I have been with my boyfriend 3 years but I am worrying we are just not compatible because every now and then he says the most insensitive things. Just one example which plays on my mind and still upsets me was before Xmas my 92 year old Grandmother was terribly ill in hospital and I did not expect her to live (in the end she died just before Xmas). My boyfriend has moved abroad (I hope to follow) but when I spoke to him on the phone during that difficult time he seemed almost irritated because any plans we had went on hold. He also asked me "Have they written do not resuscitate next to her bed?" I was so hurt by this comment and when I told him that he said he was just trying to offer me the benefit of his experience of hosptials - which I thought was rubbish. He was not overly sympathetic to me when she died and got angry that I was not able to get to him for New Year. He also said "Well I could fly back for Xmas at considerable expense to myself" which again I thought was horrible. There have been other similar levels of insensitivity but I seem to just recover from it each time and then get stunned when another one comes along. Why would he do this to me if he cares...Should I dump him?
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female
reader, pepper27 +, writes (20 August 2009):
 GULP!
Seriously get away from this man he is a complete an utter dick head I wont mince my words hunny..He has treated you absolutly terrible. He thought you were lying!!!!Lying about something like that, What a twat..Im sorry I really did take a sharp breath when I read your follow up post and I really feel for you. Sweetheart Im not suprised you have been wondering if to join him and getting confussed by it all. Tell him to take a long run of a short pier bloody donut doesnt deserve you GRRR! Makes me so angry! You take care, If you need a chat message me anytime LOTS OF LOVE N HUGS MANDY XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX
A
female
reader, jstdunno  +, writes (18 August 2009):
Dump him! Can you imagine what life would be like if you moved with him? Can you imagine how he would react if you were ill - he'd probably tell you your illnesss was ruining his 'plans' , or god forbid something happened another family member?
Find someone who's not a jerk.
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A
female
reader, TELLULAH +, writes (18 August 2009):
 Hi again,
What a complete heartless bastard. He is trying to make you feel bad for HIS horrible remarks. Dump him honey, you dont need a man like that in your life.
XXX
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (18 August 2009): Hello everyone and thank you for all your responses. I have just called him and asked him for an explanation of the comment about my Gran and he has told me he thought I was lying about it and that it was just yet another 'excuse' not to emigrate to be with him or see him at Xmas time. I cannot for the life of me comprehend that he could assume I would lie about something like that. Needless to say I am in a flood of tears. Just cannot believe a person could be so horrible. As you say 'true colours' He also said that he is sick of arguing with me and that he wants me to change my attitude and that I can go away and do what I like with that information.
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A
female
reader, kayla20 +, writes (18 August 2009):
 only you can make the decision on whether to dump him or not i mean can you see yourself being with him for a long time and being happy?if not its best to end it.have you spoken to him about his comments?
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A
male
reader, Your friend  +, writes (18 August 2009):
 He is just selfish, self centred and uncaring. When you challenge him I'm sure he can't understand what the fuss is about. Unless you want a life time of this behaviour it would be best for you to cancel your ticket and close your ears to his requests to change your mind for he will be charming and persuasive but his true colours will return.
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A
female
reader, duskyrowe +, writes (18 August 2009):
 Just three words..... Dump him Sweetie!!!
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A
female
reader, Jolin  +, writes (18 August 2009):
 if i were you, i will confront him first before i dump him.for example, when he said :"Well I could fly back for Xmas at considerable expense to myself" if i were you, i will tell him, that he doesn't have to come if he thinks the expenses will make him bankrupt.I have seen women a lot, prefer to dump the men instead of confront them first.My suggestion : dont dump him..but later he act insensitive, you need to speak your mind. He will respect you.
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A
female
reader, TELLULAH +, writes (18 August 2009):
YES...He is showing his true colours, and that he thinks more of his life and himself. I wouldnt give him the time of day, because he almost wished your Grandmother dead because it didnt fit in with his plans.
My guess is though, that you wont ditch him and that you will put up with him. Because you already said "you hope to follow him abroad" Why?
Sorry but you really do need to look at this as it is, he doesnt care about anyone but himself.
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A
female
reader, pepper27 +, writes (18 August 2009):
Hi Hunny
I went out with someone who said to my daughter "If you want sympathy its next to syphilis in the dictionary" She was 7yrs old...He was gone!
Your grandmother past away sweetheart for you this is a terribly sad time and if you ask me he is an arse and a pompous one at that..If you are having these thoughts now and feel deap within uncomfortable with them, Consider very carfully if you do want this to carry on as if he can be so insensitive now what will it be like when you have joined him away..I cant tell you what to do hunny but I can tell you I would not like that one bit TAKE CARE OF YOU LOVE N HGS MANDY XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX
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