A
female
age
30-35,
*anox
writes:Hello :-)Right, i shall start from the begining so it makes more sense to you all. (whoever's reading) My boyfriend and I have been together for nearly a year now, and at the begining of the relationship i was still talking to other boys (just as friends) and he found a conversation between me and my best friend who is a boy. i used to call that boy pet names such as 'babe' which i did not seem to think was wrong, because in my past relationships i was never told it was wrong, so i carried on calling him pet names and putting two kisses at the end of a line(just as friends!) Since that day (finding me talking to a boy) he has accused me of cheating on him, everything. Now i know it was wrong but i acctualy have never cheated on him. Funny thing is, since then, i don't talk to any boy, i don't go out of the house, apart from to see my mum and go to school. So it's really frustrating when he acuses me every single day of cheating on him. when i haven't. I would have walked away months ago, but when i promised him we would get through anything, i never backed down and i do love him so much.We do have our good days and bad days- but recently i thought we have been really good, and i have earnt a little bit of trust. However, Wednesday night he told me he's "slowly falling out of love" with me and he doesn't want too. What the hell? He ignored me all today, and then he said "can we be friends?" so me, as an idiot, said yes because i don't want to lose him... I asked him why he always gives up on me, because he does and he said, ''because even though i love you i can't let you in, therefore i can't trust you.'' I have been trying for 9months now to make him trust me, i haven't done a thing wrong. But now he wants me to help him, so what on earth do i do to make him trust me? Or at least let me in? I know everyone will probably say "leave him, he's no good," but he is good and i adore him more than anything in this whole world and i don't want to lose him. I just wan't to know what i can do? So if anyone has any suggestions, then please?I am kind of begging now. I want my boyfriend to trust me. Thank you for your time. xx
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male
reader, Jackalus +, writes (26 February 2011):
Caring guy, dirtball and denise32 well done you make great points. I'm going to focus on the beginning. You used pet names and put kisses. Yes, my sister puts kisses on her texts to me. This girl in my year who is my very good friend has had a boyfriend for like 2 years calls me baby, babe, everything and she kissed me on the cheek in front of him and he thinks it's normal. Sorry to use some of dirtball's name, but this guy is a dirtbag if what you say is true. To be honest, he is a pathetic excuse for a guy.
A
female
reader, Denise32  +, writes (24 February 2011):
 Caring Guy and Dirtball have hit the nail on the head. Please, take note of what they have told you!
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A
female
reader, inluvwlaw +, writes (24 February 2011):
you must continue living your life to do not change who you are for anyone the person you are with should compliment you naturally and if there is no trust then its something on his end stop the torture you deserve a life beyond your wildest dreams your a women
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A
female
reader, Denise32 +, writes (24 February 2011):
Why on earth DON'T you want to lose him??!!
WHAT is there to "adore" about this man who is such a stinker?
You've been trying this for nine months now - give it up! (When it didn't work after the first month you'd already given him more than enough opportunity to see you're trustworthy.) Now you need to call "time" on this stinker of a boyfriend.......
And as for never leaving the house, except to go see your Mother and go to school - don't get me started! Aaargh!
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A
male
reader, firstlovelastlove  +, writes (24 February 2011):
 I know how irritating it is to be accused of cheating whenever you are 'out of their sight'. At one point I thought if I admitted to it (I've never cheated, never will) humorously she would see how ridiculous she sounded. So I admitted going to the grocery store and being with the cashier, then at the gas station with the cashier there and then at the bank the bank teller and I had 'fun' in the vault. It completely backfired on me. I don't know what to tell you other than to just move on. I ended up having to get a restraining order against this woman. With some people, there's just no talking to because they're going to believe what they want to believe no matter what. I truly wish you all the best.
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy +, writes (24 February 2011):
When I read posts like yours, I have to say it makes me disheartened about the way society is going. Here we have you, a girl who has bent over backwards for this guy, and he has done nothing other than treat you badly. Perhaps it says a lot about society that women still, even with all this equality stuff, go out of their way for men who treat them badly.
This man is treating you like shit. That's a fact, pure and simple. And I know it's not one you want to hear.
You have done nothing - yet he constantly accuses you of cheating.
You have tried to do everything to gain his trust - yet he accuses you of cheating.
You don't talk to any male friends - yet he accuses you of cheating.
You don't go out - yet he accuses you of cheating.
He ignores you.
He has made it blatantly clear that he doesn't really love you at all.
Even if he did, he has told you he won't let you in.
This is a long list. You claim he's good. I can tell you now, just from all this, that he's not. At all. He's even making it your responsibility to help him? It doesn't work like that - he needs to get therapy and help himself.
the one thing you need to understand, is that this man will NEVER change. Ever. As long as you live.
How do I know?
My father is this man, my mother is you. 23 years, my mother has served my father - done everything. She's never spent his money, yet he claims she's a gold digger. He's never treated her with respect - yet she takes it. He treats her like a dog.
Your boyfriend treats you like a dog. He uses clever manipulation techniques, such as playing the victim, such as throwing wild accusations. And because you appear to have so little self respect, so little confidence, so little else in your life other than him, you stand there and you take it all.
You do know he doesn't want your help? What he wants is to know your subservient, he wants to know that he can blame you for it all, to know that you'll pander to his whim.
I'll make a bet with you, that if you don't leave him, in 10 years time you'll have a breakdown, or you'll be in severe depression, because you will suddenly realize that this man doesn't love you, doesn't trust you, doesn't respect you.
You cannot change someone who doesn't want to change. You can't make someone trust you, when they go out of their way not to trust you. You can't make someone love you, when they stand there and say they are falling out of love and it's your fault.
You have a choice. You can either continue with the rose tinted glasses, pretend he is great and pander to his whims like he wants you to (and this will get worse, by the way), or you can make a stand and live your own life. Because as I see it, you don't have a life. You've no real friends, you don't go out. All you do is serve this guy like a slave.
Why, why, why do you have so little self respect, that you allow a man to walk over you like this? That's the real question you need to ask.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (24 February 2011): girl, leave. im sorry you dont want to hear that but if he cant BELIEVE in you he cant trust you. if he does not trust you why does he want to be with you. If you did not trust him would you want to be with him? My hubby does not trust me never has never will. He constantly accuses me of cheating and I have never. You are young your relationship is young get out while its fresh it wont hurt as bad. I have been with my man for going on 7 years now, still does not trust me. Our relationship is not great and it is due to that fact. He treats me badly b/c in his eyes im a liar and not trustworthy, he is treating how he sees i deserve. but me being the wife who has never done him wrong is being treated like trash for no reason. get it? its a huge domino effect.... not good. get out and find a man that will beleive the words you say and trust you undoubtly.
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A
male
reader, dirtball +, writes (24 February 2011):
 You can't make him trust you, and if he's still holding on to stupid texts between friends from 9 months ago, you're better off without him. He's just a controlling and jealous douche. Seriously, don't beg. Stand up for yourself.
You're better off without him. You didn't do anything wrong.
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