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age
30-35,
anonymous
writes: dear cupids. I've got a real problem! I'm in a bad situation but I feel like I've caused it myself :SI have been *seeing* this guy, (a friend of my brother) who is aged 18, for 9 months, I am 15, 16 in May, and he is my *first love*, he's my first real boyfriend. He tells me he loves me and he is really cute, he always sleeps at mine and I always sleep at his but all we do is hug, kiss and lay in each others arms. I have tossed him off a couple of times but that is AS FAR as I want the relationship to go... up until now he has respected everything that I have said and has not spoken about sex (as I told him that I wasn't ready for it and I am underage anyway). He said he will wait until I am ready but as he is not a virgin himself I think he gets a bit *horny* but anyway. We went to the cinema this afternoon, we were in the cinema, and he kissed me, it was just a snog, but then he put his hands down my trousers. I shouted at him and I was like "LIAM WHAT YA DOIN" everyone in the cinema turned to see us and I went bright red, he took his hand away and we watched a bit more of the film. About 10 minutes later he grabbed my hand and he goes "come on" I was like where... we off? He goes I wanna talk to ya a minute so we went out of the movie and he pulled me into the boys toilets. He told me it was "about time" and said we should "do it". I told him I didn't want to and he practically made me. Well he didn't make me, but he made me feel bad and said "well are we over then?" I didn't want us to be over, so I did it anyway. I didn't know what to do at the time. I was *shocked* with myself but I also felt *mad* and *angry* with myself and him too, because I let him do it. Luckily he DID use a condom and I am on the pill so there is no chance of pregnancy or anything but I just don't know what to do about him. Should I dump him? Should I see how *it* goes? I'm just very confused. I love him dearly and I "didn't" ever want anything to seperate us but now I just don't know what to do! Why did he want sex so bad? Has he been using me for all those 9 months. He wants me to meet him to *do it again* but I'm not gonna go. I don't wanna tell anyone about it 'cause I don't wanna be known as *easy* or a *slut* or anything else!! Should I just finish him? I'm really confused!Sorry about the long post but any replies would be more than welcome! Please I am soo f*ked up :S =[ =[
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reader, anonymous, writes (21 January 2009): yikes! dump him now!!
A
female
reader, Worriedred  +, writes (2 April 2008):
First I am sorry that he made something that is supposed to be so special, so horrible. What he did to you is rape!
You need to tell someone, a school councilor, someone at church, any adult that you trust. You said that this person is your brother's friend so I can not believe that your brother would appreciate what he did to you. You did not do anything wrong ... HE DID.
I had something similar happen to me a very long time ago and regret to this day that I just let it go. He took something from you that can never be gotten back. If you do not talk to someone it is going to bother you till you do. In my situation I ended up confronting him many years later and felt a little bit better, if I had done it earlier when I could have done something legally I think that it would have helped more.
Bottom line is that he had no right to touch you with out your permission.
Good luck to you.
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A
male
reader, agtorange +, writes (2 April 2008):
 This will sound rough, he's in the relationship for sex and nothing else.
I'm not a virgin, but if I was dating a virgin, I wouldn't get such an urge to have sex that I'd drag her into a public washroom and take her virginity.
Your boyfriend is a pig, he tried going down your pants for the first time in a public area, surrounded by people. No Prince Charming in my books.
Dump him.
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A
female
reader, GeorgiaGirl84 +, writes (2 April 2008):
 You're boyfriend is an ass. You lost your virginity in a bathroom which shows he has absolutely no respect for you. He used guilt and pressure to get you to do something you weren't ready for. Sweetie don't ever do anything you don't want to do, even if it means losing someone you care about. If he really cared about you, he would have waited. He definitely would have made your first together time romantic and special. You deserve so much more. I personally think you should get rid of him. He's only going to keep after you to do what you don't want too. A real man would feel remorse. He doesn't. Do yourself a favor and move on.
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A
male
reader, mikeg  +, writes (2 April 2008):
dido to all who responded
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A
female
reader, PhoenixFiresky +, writes (2 April 2008):
I think he did force you into it - he just used emotional force instead of physical force. That is called coercion. In the United States, it is illegal for someone your age to go out with someone his age, because the fact that he is so much older than you makes the power between you unequal. In other words, because he is three years more experienced, he may be better at getting you to say yes to something you really don't want to do than a boy your own age would be. Where I am, in the US, what he did would be illegal, even though you consented to it.
Based on the fact that you said his name is Liam, though, I'm guessing that you aren't in the United States. But that doesn't mean that what he did in coercing you into sex wasn't still wrong, even if it's not legally a crime. When a girl says "no" it means no. It doesn't mean "yes". It doesn't mean "maybe". And it doesn't mean "beg harder and keep trying".
A guy who really loved you would care enough about what would be good for you that he would put your needs above his own in this matter. And he certainly wouldn't threaten to leave you over it - that means he values sex (or control, or getting his way) more than he values you, and that he's even willing to hurt you in order to get his way. Someone like that won't make a good boyfriend or husband and could actually eventually become dangerous in time.
I am so sorry for your experience - and I hate to have to say this, but you need to stay away from this guy.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (2 April 2008): He's no good at all. That's the last thing he should have done with you. That's nearly rape. (And legally it IS rape.)
What he did is not some kind of "mistake" that a decent guy might make when he loses some self-control or something. It's a sign of seriously bad personality traits in him. And you're probably only seeing the tip of the iceberg so far.
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A
male
reader, Collaroy  +, writes (1 April 2008):
 Hi,
As you acquiesced to his demands proving it to be rape would be very difficult. But he did all but rape you.
And you are still considering going out with him?
You are very young, so its a good time to learn a thing called self respect. It's where you don't allow people to manipulate or control you because you are confident in your own decision making. He has effectively told you that he can now do what he wants. if you continue to see him, he will simply keep molesting you whether you like it or not. If you want to lose all your self respect then continue to date him, otherwise delete his number from your phone and if he hassles you tell him that you are underage and you will tell your parents if he persists.
Dump him , now!
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A
female
reader, citris +, writes (1 April 2008):
 I hate to tell you this, but this guy has disrespected you in every way! It makes me very angry for you at him. He as good as raped you. and in the boys toilet none the less?! What about this is okay to anyone decent?
Just because he didn't hit you, hurt you or physically restrain you and force you to have sex, doesn't mean that he was not out of line. Do not do anything you are uncomfortable with, period! If you feel it best to end it, then end it. Either way, you need to let him know that what he did was hurtful to you, disrespectful and very wrong.
It sounds to me like if you did not have sex with him, he would have ended your relationship, therefore if you refuse to have sex with him again, he most likely will use that threat again in hopes of getting you to have sex with him again. He will continue to use this to control you into having a physical/sexual relationship with him that you have plainly said you are not ready for.
Be strong and know that you do not deserve this treatment, you have the right to say no and you have the right to be angry with anyone who treats you in this way.
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A
female
reader, x-kitycatlok-x  +, writes (1 April 2008):
 He was manipulating you into having sex. He made you when you weren't ready. He almost forced you into it. This isn't right. I think you should leave him. That is wrong. He said he'd wait and then he made you do it for the first time in a bathroom without any care at all? That is not what you want in a boyfriend.
Leave him.
Wishing you the best.
xx
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