A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I know it's a horrible cliche, but I really fancy my boss.I've worked part time on and off at the same store since I was 16, all the way through until now. I'm just about to graduate univerisity, so I'll probably start working full time over summer until I get a 'real' job.When I started back for the last time at the store, there was a new manager on my section. My little sister, all my friends and most of my colleagues all hated him, so I was intrigued to meet him. After about two hours, I knew I hated him too; he was deeply inept at his job and lacked any sort of social skills whatsoever.But months later, I began to find all of this very endearing. We flirt whenever we're working together, and I know he likes me too. So you can imagine my distress when I found out he has a girlfriend. Worse still, she is a clinically depressed and suicidal mess, and she phones him at work every five minutes to check up on him. She's always upsetting him, and we've witnessed some pretty dramatic scenes in which he screams at her down the phone or throws his phone across the room.Is he just flirting with me because his home life is so depressing? I have no desire to be some sort of 'other woman', and I certainly don't want to get dragged into his soap-esque relationship with the psychotic girlfriend.I feel like it's MY store, and I don't want to feel so churned up every time I go to work. I've been there for so much longer, and it's getting torturous. I get so nervous, and my heart starts racing, and my hands are shaking whenever I see him... I know my face lights up when he smiles at me, and I can see him light up too. How dare he make me feel like this?He deserves so much better than the girlfriend he has, and I deserve better than just being some girl he flirts with to cheer himself up. What the hell am I supposed to do?
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at work, depressed, flirt, has a girlfriend, my boss, no desire Reply to this Question
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (2 April 2008): Thank you so so much for that answer... I desperately needed someone to say exactly what you have said, and I'm really grateful. You're right, how do I know what's caused her illness, and how can I possibly assume he doesn't make things worse for her? I certainly wouldn't feel confident that he wouldn't do exactly the same to me even if he did break up with her.
Wow, I'm kind of reeling.
Thanks again for your advice... I know what I have to do now. Thank you. :-)
A
reader, anonymous, writes (2 April 2008): You say he deserves better than the girlfriend he has as though you are accusing her of something when she may just be ill. Be careful about that as you have no idea about the reasons and she may have had a very bad time and need his support. If you were in her position how would you feel? Perhaps her reason for being depressed is because of him?! Maybe he has been unfaithful to her in the past and you are being assessed as the next victim.
I have painted a black picture because it may be best not to idealise him. Why is he in the realtionship with her? Coud be because she gives him lots of attention even though you have noticed that it is not all good. Some people get addicted to that kind of thing and pursposely stir up their girlfriend because they enjoy the rages.
The way you see him behave with you is exactly the way you could expect him to behave with someone else if you were his girlfriend. Take him at face value. If he finishes with her and wants to see you, fine. Don't get in the position of being a bit on the side while he is till officially with her because he probably will not leave her and just enjoy the drama that follows.
By all means make it clear that you like him. But don't go for a cup of coffee with him without making it clear that you are no-go unless he finishes with her first. Then, he will have proved he is honorable. You will have set a standard of your own worth, which is a very attractive quality by the way.
That is the way to get what you want. If you don't get it it ain't worth having. If you enable him to cheat you will set yourself up with countless doubts later and be the one ringing him all the time at the office to check on his behaviour.
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