A
female
age
30-35,
*lahabc
writes:sooo this is going to be a long. ahh i dont know where to startt.. alright im 15 and my boyfriends 21. we've only been dating for almost a month on the 24th. i made it clear that i was a virgin and he understood that. he told me that he used to do a loooottt of drugs so his sperms messed up or something? so he cant get a girl pregnant. i believe him. anyways whenever were making out and other things lol, he would ask if i wanted to have sex and i always tell him no. well yesterday we were making out and all that and things got a little heated and he took of my pants and put it in me(with no condom on) i kept telling him to stop and tried pushing him off but he's really strong. i guess like 5-10 minutes went by and he finally stopped. we were just sitting there for a while and i started crying. he kept saying sorry and that he loved me and everything. i know he really meant it because he gave me a promise ring and kept saying sorry.alright though, the messed up thing is that i was planning on breaking up with him a few weeks later but since that happened i really dont know what to do. now i feel closer to him and that i really do love him even more.so my question is, what all should i do?should i break up with him?im NOT telling my mom because of his age.and should i take a pregnancy test?
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condom, drugs, pregnancy test, sperm Reply to this Question
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female
reader, blahabc +, writes (26 February 2010):
blahabc is verified as being by the original poster of the questionAlright, thanks everybody sooo much. My sister and my mom found out everything and my mom wont let me see him anymore. Alot of stuff has happened since i posted this question.
A
male
reader, bharat mehta  +, writes (21 February 2010):
 Do what other uncle and aunt say, but I am telling you about your saying, still you love...No it is not love you know. Or, you have no idea about love. You are feeling sex, is right but not love. He is not fit for and capable of love. I advise you to reconsider this relationship. Take help from your elders to decide it finally.
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A
female
reader, leannebabe09  +, writes (20 February 2010):
wow! 21? and your 15? his abit old for you is ent he?
well im 14 and never lost my viginity, I cried to so that's normal, you just feel completely dirty after and feel like a slag and that he only wants to be with you for sex.
you really shouldent of lost you virginity with him, because of his age. You should just ask him to slow down abit or go on a break, at least tell your mom your dating, you will regret telling her when she finds out her self.
Take a pregnancy test, because I dont think drugs has messed up his sperm, I think he said that to get you into bed quicker.
You wouldent want to be with someone who had a past in drugs, because he may begin to take them agian and make you take them with him saying that it wont affect you but they will, this will mess up your future.
If i was you hun i would finish with him and spend some quality time with your mom and show her that your still her little girl and do some hobbies with your friends like going to the beach, shopping, hanging out. But not sex and older lads. Maybe go on a couple of dates with lads your own age.
I hope i have helped,
email me back if you need to talk.
Thanks xx
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A
female
reader, SaphiraGold16 +, writes (19 February 2010):
 Him forcing himself on you, you saying no - it means he had sex with you without your permission which is classed as rape.
He does NOT "love" you otherwise he would have atleast waited until you were ready to have sex.
Tell your mom, call the police, take a pregnancy test and a test for STI's.
xoxo
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A
female
reader, Wobbles  +, writes (19 February 2010):
You really need to go to the doctor for the "morning after pill" because there is a chance you may be pregnant. This guy is not a doctor. Please move very quickly (today). You only have short time.
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A
female
reader, Laura1318  +, writes (19 February 2010):
 If you go by the law it is statutory rape .
Whether you want to report him to the authorities or not is your prerogative. If you report him , his future will be destroyed. That is up to you to decide.
Sometimes when two young and hot blooded people with raging hormones come together , they may not be able to deal with the situation . It is unfortunate that it happened that way.
To answer your question,"Should you break up with him?"
It depends if you can forgive him and still love him.Emotions are very powerful forces and sometimes , you lose control over it.
If you can understand the situation in a cool and rational manner and that it was not his fault alone.
Yes! You should take a pregnancy test if you missed your period. If you find something is not right ,pain or discomfort down below, you should go and see your GP.
You need to take the morning after pill to prevent you from getting pregnant. It is 95% effective if taken within 24 hours.
You can read more on this link
http://wiki.answers.com/Q/How_long_does_the_plan_b_morning_after_pills_effectiveness_last_in_your_body
If you are not pregnant, there is no need to tell your mom.
Wise up and learn from your mistake.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (19 February 2010): No he does not love you! Normal men don't do that to women/girls! Yes like everyone else says it's rape...You really need to tell someone and stay away from him!
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A
male
reader, df30 +, writes (19 February 2010):
He forced himself on you and took your virginity, really that is honestly not love. Please don't fall into that trap that so many young girls fall into, if he really loves you his actions would prove it. taking your virginity by force is rape dont believe in the fairytale that he really loves you and wants to give you everything iv seen it so many times. Leave him.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (18 February 2010): he raped you. thats really sick of him. please get help asap,tell the police and go for tests too. im sorry he took advantage of your innocence.
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A
female
reader, lacexoxo22 +, writes (18 February 2010):
 Wow. Okay first of all how can you truly claim to love someone that raped you? Call it what you want, and make yourself belive whatever you want, but that's the fact..HE RAPED YOU!!!!! You said you planned on breaking up with him a couple of days/weeks after that anyways so where was your "love" then? Sounds to me like your confused and don't really know what you want? (which happens a lot when your a teenager all the more reason you shouldn't be getting involved with someone that old that will take advantage of you and mess with your head) Your 15 and he's what 21 you said?..I don't even really need to tell you anything about that because you already know that's wrong otherwise you wouldnt be hiding it from your mom. Him being a "used-to-addict" has nothing to do with his sperm count. He could have and to be completely honest, MAY have gotten you pregnant. If he did that to you, what's to say he didn't do that to a lot of other girls? And what if he has an s.t.d or even worse AIDS!? YES you need to take a pregnancy test! You need to find out whether or not your pregnant and go from there. My advice would be to never speak to this guy again. He's too old for you and he obviously doesn't love or respect you or he wouldn't have forced himself upon you like he did. THAT'S NOT LOVE GIRLIE! Talk to your mother, if you don't want to tell her the whole story fine, at least tell her your thinking of having sex and you want to get put on birth control. That's the most important thing you need to do right now. Maybe there is some kind of clinic or something you can go to and get it yourself. I'm not sure, it's something to look into though because you either need to stop having sex or at least stop having UN-PROTECTED SEX! That's a big no no! Good luck with everything, I hope this helped. Let me know what happens please because now I am worried about you. Im 25, so I wasn't 15 that long ago lol. I know what your going through. If you need to ever talk again, you can e-mail me anytime. You gotta start using your head kiddo.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (18 February 2010): i agree wit caringguy u need 2 get checked out,and dont beleive what he is saying.he is just playing wit your feelings bcause you are young.plz get rid of him.you shouldnt be wit anyone who does drugs or have done drugs any how
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (18 February 2010): first off, a promise ring doesn't mean he truly loves you. it means he gave you a promise ring...that's it.
if he loved you, he wouldn't RAPE you. it doesn't matter if he really wanted it, claimed he couldn't resist, whatever...it doesn't matter if he said 'sorry' afterwards. saying sorry doesn't take it back. he raped you. there's not another way to put it and there's no way to amend that.
you are going to look back one day and see how screwed up this situation is.
and about the drugs making him infertile...he is either totally ignorant or a liar. you should get a pregnancy test.
what else? not only did he rape you, but he raped you and you are still very young and illegal to have sex with, let alone rape...and he is 21!!!
i don't judge age differences all too often, but we have here a 21 year old man taking advantage of an inexperienced person who is 15. not just taking advantage, but raping. flat out raping.
you say you love him, and i can believe you do feel something strongly for him. perhaps the hate you feel toward him for doing this to you has turned into a kind of 'love', because it's less painful to cave in than to actually fight what's happened and be angry and hurt about it. he's basically forced you to. he's penetrated your existence against your will and you feel overwhelmed by it. please believe me there are people in this world who will be close to you that you will love, but they don't have to rape you to make you "love" them.
i know it's hard to let go of the first guy, but soon you'll realize that just because he's the first one to give you this type of affection (very twisted and abusive 'affection' in this case), doesn't mean he deserves to do whatever he wants to do to you and doesn't mean you have to cling to him for dear life no matter what he does.
what he's done to you is awful and there's absolutely no sane reason to spend another moment near him. i would say report it to the police. i would say that, but i doubt you will. at least get out of his life. he is worse than you realize, and basically getting away with murder if you stay with him, let alone not report him to the police.
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A
female
reader, Angzw  +, writes (18 February 2010):
Darling, you were raped by a pedophile. Pedophiles are not scary looking monsters from the Alien movie, they are our neighbours, our pastors, our uncles, our boyfriends. And they get to do it over and over because as victims we develop sympathy for them.. In psychology we call it the Stockholm Syndrome where a victim sympathizes with their attacker and its a serious problem. Several weeks ago I dealt with 9 year old girl who also felt loved by her attacker, who had been raping her for months and gave her sweets as a token of his love; just like your promise ring. You need to contact Rape Crisis helpline for advice. They won't force you to report him but at least they will counsel you. Sorry dear.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (18 February 2010): Of course you feel confused, and this is all new for you. There is something about him dominating you which has connected you with him. But it is not love sugar, it is something else. It is just a very strong emotional attachment because of the significance of the experience to you. But it is not love. Trust me, just move on.
It will be very hard to forget about him, but you have to. Start thinking about the future, without him in it.
He is bad news. He made that thing up about his sperm. He treated you with no respect, just as something to have sex with. That is tough to accept, but it is just the way it goes.
Do not lose anymore of your dignity or integrity by associating with him. You are better than that. He has loser written all over him.
So, now, go get tested for pregnancy and STD's. First thing first. IF you are clean, then good. If not, that will be the next issue to deal with.
Don't feel bad. This stuff happens to the best of us. Just don't be foolish enough to pursue further emotional attachment to this guy. It will cause you distraction from what is important, your future.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (18 February 2010): If a guy forces you to have sex with him while you are saying no, that is rape. You have been raped and you need to talk to someone about it, either family or the police or call a rape crisis centre. He doesnt love you, he is your abuser. Dont confuse love with abuse of power and intimidation. He may have given you a sexually transimitted disease....STD. He might even have made you pregnant. You need to go to your doctor and explain what happened and have the tests done for pregnancy and diseases. Dont go near him anymore, hes dangerous and he has raped a minor and should go to jail.
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy +, writes (18 February 2010):
He raped you and you won't tell your mum? Not only should you take a test, but you should also get checked for STD's and call the police
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