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Feeling ready to give my virginity to him.

Tagged as: Sex, Teenage, Virginity<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (2 March 2010) 11 Answers - (Newest, 28 March 2010)
A female United States age 26-29, *reezyBoo writes:

i am a virgin and i have very strong feelings for my boyfriend. we have know each other for all most a year now and i think that he may be the one i lose my virginity to. how do i get him to see that i am ready to give myself over to him without saying those exact words? am i wrong for wanting to have sex with him?

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A male reader, VocalsAndRhythmGuitarist Puerto Rico +, writes (28 March 2010):

VocalsAndRhythmGuitarist agony auntYou have to be careful, teenage boys can easily get hooked with sex, and he might lose himself in it, so much that he might forget how much he cares about you, he might even dump you if you deny sex to him later. That is exactly why I waited to be more mature to even consider sex. I knew I might get hooked. So I just waited until I was older, denied sex to two or three ex-girlfriends who asked for it, and you know what? I don't regret having decided that, I don't feel any remorse for having denied sex to those ex-girlfriends. It paid off, I gave away my virginity to my current girlfriend, and it was the best decision I could have made, and I feel extremely happy it was her and not the others, I love her to death and I'm 100% sure she feels the same for me.

Don't do something you might regret later in life. Do you want to have to say to your children that your first time was when you were a 13-15 year old girl? I don't think you do, it's not the right example to give to a son/daughter.

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A male reader, Problem.helper United States +, writes (10 March 2010):

Problem.helper agony auntYou haven't told me about the guy so I can't tell you exactly.

I m a guy and I would wait with that you're pretty young to do that i've alone lost verginity when i was 14 to 16 year old girl. It was great ofcourse but if i waited 2-3 years it would be better . You would be more emotionaly mature . 1. of all are you sure that you love him and he loves you? That is the first question you have to ask yourself . Then 1st time for a qirl it has to be pervect for you . It not such a pleasure for a girl first time. When i had sex with girl i fallen in love with it was million times more emotional and she said the same thing.

If the guy is in love with you he won't presure you to do ut if he's not he will.

It's all about you decsion when your 30 do you want to look back and look at yourself that you had sex when u were 15?

More you w8 better it's gona be.

It's all in your hands every virgin or guy your age want's to have sex. but if you are only concerned how to say it just say it simple "i want to make love to you ". (but only if the strong feelings :) are love .)

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A female reader, ashlydance33 United States +, writes (9 March 2010):

ashlydance33 agony auntFirst off, you're not wrong to be having these urges, it's only natural, but you're still very young, hun. Aged 13-15, chances are you will not be with this person for very long. And you would be taking a HUGE risk of getting your heart broken and there is nothing romantic about that. You say you have strong emotions but not that you love him. And if you think you love him, are you sure it's not infatuation? Do you accept all his bad qualities as well as the good? Your virginity is the most precious gift you could ever give to the one you love. And once it's given, you can never take it back. That's why it's so crucial for you to be 100% positive that you're ready and in love and to be sure that that person is 100% in love with you.

Sex is both beautiful and dangerous and needs to be taken seriously and handled maturely. Take this question into consideration: Are you mature enough to accept the consequences should there be any?

This is my advise to you: Wait

You'll be glad you did.

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A female reader, nessabarela505 United States +, writes (3 March 2010):

how old are you? That's one and two it hurtts not to scare you but make sure your ready just remember one day you guys might brake up and the next you might be saying I wish I'd never have had done that wit him.

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A female reader, lollyllk United Kingdom +, writes (2 March 2010):

First thing : you are not wrong to want to lose your virginity to your boyfriend, it is one of the most natural, most romantic things in the world, and if you feel right about it then here is what i suggest you do, if you do not want to say the exact words you can talk about in a different way, although alot of the time it is best to be straight with your other half, you could write a letter or an alternative form of communication. Maybe make a romantic dinner, go to the cinema, there's many things you can do to suggest that you want this to happen.

All i can say is aslong as you feel it is the right time and you have thought it through properly then go for it, make sure you are protected though :)

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A female reader, BagLady United States +, writes (2 March 2010):

I would say put aside the whole Virginity, How Girls Feel, How Boys Feel-just for a second. Sex is not love. they are 2 different things that are closely related, but not the same thing. You need to look at your physical attraction and you emotional attraction not couple them together. Love does not have to be there for great sex to happen and vice versa. there are 3 parts to the love triangle: Passion (sex and desire), Love (caring and feeling), Commitment (dedication, repetition).

1)Physically you need to know the risks and benefits: Pain, Bleeding, Disease (get your HPV vaccine first-condoms don't necessarily prevent this as it is passed skin to skin not by fluids), Pregnancy (do you know when you ovulate? there's a calendar on the march of dimes web page)and pregnancy options(Abortion, adoption, parenting). It is physically pleasurable, but do you even know how you *work* down there or are you hoping when the two genders touch nature will make it all good naturally. What physical benefits have you prepared for...virginity isn't just something you give to someone...you are there also...you are receiving him. It is giving and taking-don't set yourself up to be just a giver.

2) Emotionally sex is a bond between 2 people. You will be allowing him into an intimate part of your life. It is special-not everyone can have it and it is yours alone to invite others into. Have you prepared for the possible emotional devastation of him not being there for you afterwards in some way? For teenage boys sex is more of a hunger than emotions-their are exceptions, but I would not count on it. Do this because you want to-if he dumps you the next day to conquer some other girl will you be just fine? If more people than you expect find out about it will you be okay? If he fails you in every way possible will you still be happy you did it for real (not just to be valiant or to save face)...

If you can be truthful with yourself and answer those questions then proceed with whichever decision you have come to.

Give him the hint with your eyes, be closer to him, look beautiful, allow him to chase you for a bit, allow the moment to build itself-don't try to build it (or it will feel like you are trying to get 2 pandas to mate in a zoo). Talk about sex, how does he feel about it, what is he ready for (you have to remember that he is a person too with feelings and a heart, regardless of how hormone craved he may be)?

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A female reader, maddiee-maii United Kingdom +, writes (2 March 2010):

once its gone you cant get it back + i had a teen pregnancy and this was off my first time and we used a condom and i was on the pill - u think your ready but seriously u wont be - but this will fall on deaf ears it did with me and look where that got me

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A male reader, CaringGuy United Kingdom +, writes (2 March 2010):

You have very strong feelings, but you don't say 'love'. And you 'think he may be the one you want to lose it to'. I'd suggest that you're not as ready as you'd like to think. Slow down, there is no rush.

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (2 March 2010):

Very strong feelings, but not in love? Wait for love to come along first. You're too young anyway. The kids who are messed up are usually the ones who had sex early. How does 18+ sound instead?

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A male reader, Boombadaboom Belgium +, writes (2 March 2010):

Boombadaboom agony auntAsk yourself a few things: Is it true love? Will he make every moment complete? Will he love you and cherish you for long after you've given it up to him? You're definitly not wrong for wanting what you want but as your age is between 13-15, I'd say wait a bit more.... It might be that you're not ready yet, even though you feel you are. At your age, lots of feelings seem real and really heavy but the truth is that they will be a lot bigger later in your life. They will be a lot more thought through and wiser and you'll have more life experience to think with, including what happened to friends of yours who didn't wait. You'll have a lot more answers when you wait. But of course if your answer to the first three questions I asked you are a resounding yes than this might be a good time, I am not saying the best time but it might have a shot. Be sure that he will be making this moment one worthy to remember your whole life because believe me, it will be. Don't try it spontaneously because it's not a good chance for your first time. Make sure you've both got this well figured out and make everything perfect and know exactly what you're going into (I'm assuming it'll be his first time too, right) To be fair, I'm going to say that when I was 15, I was with the girl of my dreams, we never did it together but if we did, it would have been right. I'm 21 and until this day I still feel love for her and most importantly, she never damaged my trust in her, my happiness with her or anything I feel towards her. She was the right one, but it took 2 years to build a great kind of relationship with her so just be careful what you're going into. Taking care of yourself will never be a bad thing, it will only be helping you and protecting you in the case something does go wrong. Plus: use a condom if you do! Don't ever let him have you for anything less than you deserve!

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A reader, anonymous, writes (2 March 2010):

If I was in your situation i would kinda start giving him little hints like maybe ask him if he has bought any condoms or maybe something like that

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