A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I've been in a relationship with my partner for over 4.5 years .. we were perfect together .. we had our occasional problems but they weren't affecting our relationships AT ALL .. However, he got depressed months ago and he hid it well! he began to be kinda colder towards me and started to stop expressing his feelings of love and affection.. I didn't notice any the signs of depression .. which were insomnia, weight gain, loss of interest in fun activities he used to enjoy .. he even stopped enjoying "his time" which was really really weird to me .. so.. we went off track and started to grow apart .. I thought he lost interest in me and maybe another woman is in the picture .. so when he started to ignore me for few days, I totally ignored him: no calls.. no texts and I didn't even text him back when he "noticed" I'm gone .. anyways .. it was obvious that he didn't want me to leave.. he insisted on contacting me until I did answer his calls .. few weeks after, he starts blaming me for the failure of the relationship.. says I was too demanding and try to make up weird excuses (!) after discussions we agreed we would enter a period of testing and evaluation and would see if we can work it out or not.. I asked his if he still loves me and he said he didn't know !! I asked if he DIDN'T? he said: "NO !! I didn't say that .. I just don't know and I try not think about it .. I don't wanna think about anything and I don't wanna make any decision." .. I noticed that he was depressed when I found out that he stopped seeing friends and minimized conversations with his family even with his mother that was really close to him .. he throws himself in work for 12 or even 17 hours .. we don't live together and sometimes when I call and check up on him like 11 P.M I find out that he IS still working and it's mad! HE IS REALLY DEPRESSED .. because he's almost broke .. his job is really stressing him out .. he can't get any of his work done due to technical work problems .. he had tons of really really deep personal problems with family ;however,I find it strong that he could pull it together most of his life .. Now .. I'm more focused on him rather than my needs .. he's the depressed one and I feel so so sorry to see the love of my life feeling like this and pushing me away YET not really away .. he won't even admit he is depressed .. he says HIS personality changed !! which is BULL .. anyways .. I try to tell him that I know the stress he's going through is really too much and I am proud of him that he can take it all .. I show him care and love .. My question is .. can he really love me when things get better and when his depression alleviates? Does he not REALLY love me now? Can our relationship be back on the track after his depression? is it a good sign that he still calls me "baby"?
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reader, anonymous, writes (25 July 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the question
Thanks for the reply .. It really made feel better to see that I'm not alone in this ..
The better part is that he stopped putting the blame on me.. he started to say that he is turned into "stone" and that he is the messed up person and if there is nothing wrong then it's not me .. he keep describing himself as becoming so empty and lost ..
I'm afraid he will forget his love to me .. that aches my heart because we are a perfect match (when he wasn't depressed)..
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (25 July 2010): I know how you feel, as I'm currently in a strained relationshop due to my boyfriend's depression. Like your boyfriend, it went undetected, for many years.. and then I read a book about it and realised my boyfriend fit all the symptoms - as yours does!
Yes you can survive it, but he has to admit he has a problem and seek some help. He has to learn to open up more about what he's feeling.. which every man finds hard.
I too falsely believed another woman was in the picture.. because I couldn't understand the withdrawal of affection and the grunty answers he'd give me.. the off-handish cold way he's treat me.. like he was constantly annoyed with my presence. It's ALL depression.. he was deep in his head.. not even realising how he was treating me.
We're still trying to work through it.. but it's something you can't sweep under the carpet. This is your life too. Good luck!
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