A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I feel like I'm going to be single forever. I just turned 25 and I feel so alone. Everyone around me is either getting engaged or married. It's lonely when my friends are talking about wedding dresses and center pieces and I have no one. I find myself distancing from them because while I'm so happy for them, it makes me feel bad. I just got out of a relationship where he lied to me about something big and I feel like calling him and asking for him back when I know I can't trust him. But I don't want to be alone. I'm not getting any younger. I want a family and love. With each passing day it feels like the chances of that happening are getting smaller and smaller. I end up crying myself to sleep, I don't understand why it's so hard to find someone. There are billions and billions of people out there. Surely one of them is for me. I don't know what to do. Words of encouragement or advice pleaseThank you
View related questions:
engaged, wedding Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, lostandalone38 +, writes (12 November 2012):
I can relate I wish I had answers of my own but I don't I wish I did I'm 29 years old with you children's single mother on my boyfriend recently left in July, we did share a place for about a year but now he seems like he wants nothing to do with me, I'm still very much madly in love with him and I don't know what to do I don't know how to get him back but everybody around me is getting pregnant getting engaged or getting married, I find it really hard to be happy for anyone else when like I said I am 29th ill be 30 in August and I have nothing to show for it, yes I am blessed with to mazing children but it's not enough, I am simply miserable..
A
female
reader, Emaz help  +, writes (17 September 2011):
 i completely understand where you are coming from, i am younger than you but i feel pressured as well. I can understand how people are saying that 25 is still young but when you think about it, it's not THAT young especially when logically you might only have around 10years to have children in which case isn't a long time if you want several and plus you need to find a man first and be committed which lets say might take 4years. Anyway enjoy your freedom while you can and when that man comes along (which he will) then you can start looking forward to your future with him but how are you going to find a man feeling depressed all the time? You can't! because depressing people aren't fun to be around...so go and have fun! also you cvan use your friends weddings as an excuse to find that special person ;)
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (17 September 2011): I'm 27, and, although i do have a boyfriend, we are not at a serious stage, like living together, and we dont have children. I have also done a lot with my life, that people who are married and who have children wouldnt be able to do. I travel a lot and have met lots of famous people that i like. i wouldnt change the way my life is at the moment for anything. i think its better to enjoy being young and doing things that you love doing, and wait until you are older to get married and have kids. you dont want to look back when you are older and wish that you could have done more when you were younger.
...............................
A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (17 September 2011):
 My encouragement is this :
Here in Europe in general, and particularly in Italy, a girl getting married at 25 is a species in extinction. The average female age for marriage here is 30.6. Consider this average it's lowered quite a bit by tonnes of immigrants ,who instead keep getting married very early as it's customary in their cultures. So, Italians normally get married well in their 30's.
You will, rightly, say : and what the f... do I care about what they do in Italy , or in Europe ? I am in USA !
Well, that's my point. Your perception of running out of time , and of being an anomaly , or a misfit, is heavily culturally and socially influenced.
Which probably makes it difficult for you to distinguish up to which point you feel bad because you really are emotionally unfulfilled and really need to share your life with a man, and up to which point instead you just feel bad because you don't fit in, and want to be " like everybody else ".
Example : for reasons of mine, I don't drive and I don't own a car anymore. That does not affect at all my quality of life, I 'm doing perfectly fine by walking, public transportation and taxis. And I always hated driving anyway. BUT, honestly, some times I feel bad, because everybody I know have got cars. I don't really want or need one, yet I feel I SHOULD have one regardless.
So please don't go back to a bad boyfriend, or don't accept Mr. Whomever just not to be " alone ".
Alone ... you are still too young to fear you'll end up alone ( in the sense of single ). But , even if ?... Do you think is it really so bad not having a man at your side ? Then I'll tell you something worse : having the wrong man at your side. And having to divorce, as, alas, statistically will happen to about 50 % of married couples.
...............................
A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (17 September 2011):
 Like Koala Bear said "Feeling lonely is never a good enough reason to call up someone, especially an ex. You are using them, and in the end it will come back to bite you in the rare."
If you are lonely, get a dog. Imagine having a dog, would you have many of your needs met then? If yes, then you are seeking a partner for all the wrong reasons. A partner should not be a substitute for something a dog can fulfill. If you are lonely, get a dog. If you want someone to snuggle with, get a dog. If you want someone to take for walks, get a dog. If you want someone to take care of, get a dog.
You see where I'm going with all of this. Love a partner for the sake of who they are as a person, and what they can give you on a human to human level. But basic things as loneliness etc. that a dog can help you with... you shouldn't seek out a human to fulfill the needs that a dog can fulfill.
All of the other advice is great too! We're plenty of 25 year olds who are single and happily so, or dating without thinking too seriously about it. Sure, wanting to get married is great in the long term, but it shouldn't be something you feel you must do RIGHT NOW. Take your good time sorting through men and finding out where you want to be in life, and what you want to do with your life, before you lock yourself up with another human for the REST of your life.
But yes, society is all over my back too. To be more precise, my mother has been nagging on me for grandchildren since I was 19, and it's getting old and tiresome. But I won't have kids just to get away from the pressure! That would be to let society control my life way too much. It's great for those people who have kids young and get married, I', happy for them. But it'd be weird to expect that EVERYONE finds a partner, has kids, get married, at the exact same age.
Also, by reading posts on dearcupid, I've seen many young men and women who are only now, in their 20-ties starting to date! In other words, you are definitely not the only one who hasn't settled down yet. And good is that! Looking back at your life when you're old and gray you'll think that 25 was SOOOO YOUNG! And you'll be happy you spent your youth discovering who you are instead of trapping yourself in a marriage before you yourself were ready for it, out of peer pressure alone!
...............................
A
male
reader, Sageoldguy1465 +, writes (17 September 2011):
 I have good news and bad news.
The good news is that, statistically, you're likely to live another 50 years or more....
The bad news is that your submittal... the details and tone and your approach to life appears to be right out of the Instruction Manual for women who go through their lives craving that happy ending.... but looking in all the wrong places, so never getting that happy ending....
Relax....
...............................
A
female
reader, Red591 +, writes (17 September 2011):
 25?! I'm 30 and still have not found my soulmate....well I did but he lives in another state so that is useless lol Don't live ur life on a time line. Lots of people do and thier time line usually includes divorce at some point because their reasons for marriage were not the right reasons. They thought "all my friends are married so I should be married" WRONG or they thought " I better settle down now before i'm too old with this person who happens to be here while this thought entered my mind" WRONG or my personal favorite "well I'm pregnant so I guess I have to" WRONG these all end in DIVORCE. see how many of those people getting married are still together in 7 years. You will be shocked to find that most of them are not. Dont settle for this society issued time line. Its crap. I am not really interested in having children and you should see how people react to me when I say that because it goes agains the time line and the society rules. SCREW SOCIETY. They can have divorces and kids and I'll just deal with my ample free time and expendable income ha ha ha ha
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (17 September 2011): you are still very young! Many of my friends didn't get married until their 30s, and I'm talking both men and women friends here.psychology studies have shown that when people get married when they are older, they have a lower chance of getting divorced. This is because you and your partner are more mature, more stabilized in your personalities, have more relationship-experience, and more financially stable. for many people this happens after age 30 or older. Look at your friends now who are getting married in their early to mid 20s. How many of them will end up divorced in 15-20 years time? look at me: I got married at age 24, I'm now 37 and going through a divorce. I'm envious of my friends who are my age and only just got married for the first time now or recently, they are starting on their happily married life while I'm trying to pick up the pieces of a shattered dream and start over, feeling like I wasted my youth. I am definitely not the same person in my 30s as I was in my early 20s and I regret that I didn't wait longer before getting married, and dating more.
...............................
A
female
reader, mylassie10 +, writes (17 September 2011):
 First off 25 is still so young I wouldnt worry about marriage too much. I meet and know so many single men and women in their 30's these days because it's hard for men and women to meet decent people that they can form a real loving relationship with. It's just different these days and the ones that find them around your age I consider pretty lucky. I completely understand why it bothers you that everyone around you is involved with someone but trust me there are sooo many people in the same boat as you and much older. Don't ever settle either, just because you feel lonely. Make sure you're with someone that treats you the way you deserve to be treated. You dont want to waste your time and your life with someone who doesnt truly make you happy and you know there is someone else that could treat you better.Remember, marriage is a lifetime committment and you want to make sure the person you're giving you're all to is someone you can see yourself growing old with. Like i said 25 is young so take your time finding that one person you want to spend the rest of your life with, you only live once and more than half of marriages in the U.S. end in divorce so dont be in too much of rush. I find that so many couples that are married that I know arent the right match but theyre in it because they settled or dont want to go through a divorce or thats all they know and theyre scared of knowing what else is out there for them. Focus on things you want to accomplish in life and make yourself happy. Having a guy should not be what you surround your world around or base your happiness upon. Eventually you will meet someone along the way guaranteed. I hope this helps and good luck!
...............................
A
female
reader, Koala Bear  +, writes (17 September 2011):
 Feeling lonely is never a good enough reason to call up someone, especially an ex. You are using them, and in the end it will come back to bite you in the rare. ESPECIALLY if you produce a family out of it. All that will bring you is worse heart ache and children who can't understand why their parents can't communicate or show love. Hang in there, love will find you. I am single as well and most of my girlfriends are married, have babies, or have someone to talk about marriage with. It does get lonely, especially if those are the people you are constantly surrounded by. Maybe make new friends(but keep these). Some people say love will find you when you are not looking for it. This did happen to me, I was not expecting it, nor did I welcome it. I gave this guy a chance, and in the end I got heart ache again. I'm Not saying that you should close your heart from experiencing love, but I just mean that it will happen on it's own, whether or not you see it coming. So wait patiently and do all the things you need to do to feel complete as the woman you are. Focus on you and just know that this Halloween you can wear what ever costume you like without worrying if some guy will match or coordinate with you. Enjoy being your own woman.
...............................
|
