A
female
age
26-29,
anonymous
writes:Hi, I'm a 15 year old girl. One of my best friends is gay, and he asked me to be his pretend girlfriend so his parents don't get suspicious. They don't know he's gay and are very strict in their religion, which is anti-gay. My friend has a plan. He's going to stay in the closet until hes out of college and with a steady job. He's hears horror stories of parents who through their gay children onto the streets, so he doesn't want to come out until he's settled. As e plans on going away to college, he says he will probably go out wih guys there, but not tell his parents. I've got no problem with being his pretend girlfriend, but the other friend who knows says its wrong and he should be honest. Is it wrong to do this or should I just continue with our plan to be his fake girlfriend?
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female
reader, YouWish +, writes (18 September 2011):
 Outstanding! Good luck to him -- and you!
A
reader, anonymous, writes (18 September 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionTo youwish: you are a GENIUS!!!! Seriously! I told him about it and he agrees your plan is awesome!!! We've decided to do that instead. Lucky for us we didn't say anythig yet. He won't be lying, his parents won't know, you are a smart cookie! He sends out a special thank you to you, although all help was appreciated.
He also wants to say that you to marieclare, he apprciates what she said about other people being accepting. He says he really needed that right now. He says he was depressed that if his own parents couldnmt accept him, who could? Thank you :).
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A
female
reader, YouWish +, writes (17 September 2011):
If you're intending to go through with this, let me reiterate that it's a neon sign that will eventually out the guy, you must do way more than merely say that you're his girlfriend.
He has to *act* like he's into you around them, and you have to act like you're into him as well. The two of you have to go out on dates, and really portray the role of the girlfriend.
Then what happens when the month is over, and he "breaks up" with you? What's the story going to be as to why, and will it wreck your rep? Remember, one lie requires 500 more, and it won't end.
And, you may think you're not attracted to him now, but like many actors who develop feelings for their co-stars, it's a very real danger. He'll act attentive, put his arm around you, and you'll act-reciprocate. That's as intoxicating as wine, and you will be susceptible.
I still say -- this guy couldn't find a better way to tell his parents that he's gay short of a neon "I'M GAY" sign over his head. Having a fake girlfriend without thinking through the "ruse"? That'll raise much more suspicion than if he were to remain single. I commend your friendship and devotion, but this isn't the right way to go.
What he *should* do, if he hasn't already, is get really involved in a couple of after school clubs and activities. Then he really *will* be too busy for dating, he doesn't have to lie one iota, and most importantly, you don't have to lie either. You do not want the reputation of being a "fake" girlfriend. What if people start saying that it's because you can't get a real boyfriend? Absurd as it is, he'll be planting a neon sign on you too.
And what happens after the month is over? If he's your age, he's got 3-4 years of high school. Really?? One month of faking will secure his ruse? Not even hardly. He needs to get busy in activities or sports....that's a much longer term and much more healthy cover, and it's not a lie!
I know you mean well. I value friendship and loyalty too. But this is an ill-conceived idea that actually draws ten times more attention to his sexual preference than anything else you could possibly do.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (17 September 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks to all. I have decided...and i know a lot of you won't like this...to go through with it. For a little while. I said a month, max. I did get worried when the one aunt said i could develop feelings for him, but after much consideration I don't think I will. I'm not really attracted to him, and I'm still really bummed about the break up. Also i have to add, his parents really are the type of people who would kick him out. Last night he told me how all throughout dinner they were talking about how irritating gay people are and how they all have aids and that they will burn in hell. Poor thing. I decided its not right to lie, but in this case, its better to try and help him. Thank you all, I really appreciate it.
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A
female
reader, mashftw  +, writes (17 September 2011):
It is ethically wrong to lie on a big scale like that... But, in this situation it is entirely his decision. If he feels that he wants to have you as a fake girlfriend then okay, he just has to be ready for the consequences. He may not be able to get out of it. And he might keep it from his parents longer than he assumes he will. And that is bad for both of you. What if you start liking someone? Or what if you guys are "together" so long that the lie is completely out of hand and there will be no way to get his parents back... What if his parents think he will marry you?
If your friend knows exactly what he's doing than go for it. But there's other ways in hiding his sexual orientation from his parents. And even sometimes it's just better to tell them afterall.
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A
female
reader, YouWish +, writes (17 September 2011):
Blonde has the right idea.
If your gay friend tries to use you as a "fake girlfriend" cover, that will eventually be his downfall. It's one thing to say that you're his girlfriend, but how is he going to back it up with his actions?? People can see through a lack of interest, and him not taking you out on dates and doing all of the swoony touchy love stuff is a bigger neon flashing light than his staying single.
There's also a danger to you. If you're straight, you could get lost in this fantasy and develop feelings for him, which sets you up for serious pain and heartache when he doesn't return your feelings.
No, his best thing to do is to say that he doesn't want to get distracted from his schoolwork and he enjoys being single. Many guys will understand that, including his dad, who played the field himself as a single man.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (17 September 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionOk, probably should've added more. He's 16 and kind of a worrier. Let me just clear it up, i have no problem doing this. I'm serious, i don't mind at all. Me and my boyfriend recently broke up, and we'd only be tell his parents we are together. I do know for a fact that he's gay, but thank you for your concern. Its kind of obvious. Thats what he's really worried about, that it will be so obvious his parents will know. Its just that the other friend keeps saying its wrong to lie on this big of a scale and I don't want his parents to get the wrong idea about me, we've been best friends since we were 10. But thank you, it gave me alot to think about.
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A
male
reader, Thelaird1  +, writes (17 September 2011):
 How do you think his parents would feel if they found out the truth?
You are a good friend, but he should not encourage deception on your part. You can be a best friend without a pretense, and should just support him regardless.
His parents would be very disappointed in you both if they knew the truth. He should come clean with his parents and let them decide for themselves how they deal with things. Afterall, no matter what, he is still their son and that will never change.
Best of luck to you both and never change your ways as a person. Being a genuine friend is something of a rarity these days and he is lucky to have you. You should lead by example to his parents.
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy +, writes (17 September 2011):
Tell him no. He has no right to use you. He has no right to prevent you from seeing someone else.
Also, are you sure he's actually gay and not just saying that. It's been done before.
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A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (17 September 2011):
 No, don't do it. It's always bad to get entangled in lies and deception, but, at least you were doing it for yourself, I could understand- but for another person ?.. Don't build up a habit , and a reputation, for insincerity and manipulation.
He does not need to come out yet if he does not want , that's his decision. But he just needs to lie low . After all, there are TONS of etero boys who have no gf at his age, so it's not being single that will rat him out.
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A
female
reader, Red591 +, writes (17 September 2011):
 He is only 15. he doesn't have to have a girlfriend yet. patents don't usually get suspicious till post college and their son has no or has had no girlfriend. If he want to not tell them then he can talk about girls to them to give them the idea that he is into girls but involving yourself in a lie can put u in a bad position. Its his choice to tell them when he's ready but he needs to do the lying himself. Also its very sad when parents throw kids on the street for something they can't help. I surely hope this is not something they would do
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