A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I added a guy i vaguely knew from school on Facebook and he accepted. (this was in 2008) We started chatting online, reminiscing and what not and eventually we arranged to meet up after he got back from travelling. I barely knew him from school (we left school in 2002) so the thought of meeting up with him was nerve racking but also exciting.We meet up for a drink and it seems to go well. We walk home and stop at his dad's house where he was staying for a few weeks. We say goodnight and as i'm walking home he texts me saying how good i looked and i could stay at his if i wanted some company. I declined his offer. I want to explain that back then i was a virgin and very inexperienced so i didn't think that him inviting to stay over so soon was a huge RED FLAG back then. Now looking back i see it's obvious what he wanted.Anyway, we meet up again the following week. This time at his place and we end up sleeping together. I lost my virginity to this guy (he doesn't know) which makes what happened even harder to get over. After sleeping with him i become very emotionally attached and ask him where this is going. He tells me that we don't know each other well enough and that we live too far apart for a relationship. I was crushed but at the same time i liked him that much that i still carried on sleeping with him. This went on for about 6 months until suddenly he stops talking to me on Facebook and doesn't answer any of my texts etc I then see that he's changed his Facebook picture to him and some girl. Eventually he texts me and admits that he's "seeing" someone and has the nerve to ask if we can be "friends". Just like that. He tells me he WANTED to tell me but he wanted to wait and tell me in person. So, after a few days of not contacting him he calls me but i don't answer. I text him back asking what he was calling me about and he said he just wanted "to chat". I didn't reply.Eventually he convinces me to meet up "as friends" and i stupidly do. We meet up at his and as soon as i've sat down he's basically groping me. Saying how greats my tits are. After a while i leave and he texts me that he's SO glad that we're "just friends" now and that we can we can "behave." I was amazed that he thought groping me was behaving and i even thought that maybe i was just overreacting and that WAS how male friends were supposed to act. So, we stay in touch via text or Facebook and again we meet up. This time things go further and we have sex. I didn't even want to and felt like sh*t afterwards but i just had this NEED to feel like he still wanted me, even though he was an a**hole. We carried on doing this up until a few weeks ago when something inside me clicked and i realised that i just couldn't be his "friend" anymore.I text him and tell him this and he pathetically still says that he wants to be "friends" and could we meet up. I tell him i can't do that and i know that he's just using me. I tell him that i can't be his "friend" anymore and just end the text with "take care x". He doesn't reply, respond, nothing. The only thing he did do was remove me from Facebook the next day.That was a week ago and i still can't get my head around every that's happened. I still look at my phone sometimes and wonder if he'll text me or send me a message on Facebook. I don't know why he did what he did and i'm not sure why i let myself be treated like trash either. I guess what i'm asking is, is what happened all my fault or is he partly to blame as well?
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male
reader, Sageoldguy1465 +, writes (21 March 2012):
 You and he can split the blame 50/50.
HE gets his 1/2 because he persisted and got you to put out even though he probably had reason to believe you were reluctant or weren't in to being intimate.....
YOU get your 1/2 because you weren't strong enough to tell him - outright - that you didn't want to put out for him.... so that, henceforth, your vagina was "off limits" to him....
Isn't that a fair assessment?????
A
reader, anonymous, writes (20 March 2012): What pushed me to end it was he text me at 10:30pm last week asking of i wanted a "drink" (sex) and i didn't reply. The next day i find out he went with his girlfriend to sort out their new house. Yep, he's moving in with her yet texts me the night before.
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A
male
reader, Uncle PJ  +, writes (20 March 2012):
 It is your fault that you let yourself get used in this way and get treated awfully. But it is not your fault that he is a complete asshole and wanted to use you.He probably will text you as well at some point, but only when he feels that you have calmed down and he wants to have sex. So when he does come calling again, please don't allow yourself to get used again, you are a much better girl than that.Unfortunately for you, as he was your first, you probably won't ever forget him. It may hurt a little if you feel bad about what you have done but time will heal it and if you find a guy that knows how to treat you properly, then you should be fine.Just learn from your mistakes and don't let anyone take advantage of you. Make sure that they actually have feelings for you before you give them your precious body. Hope this helps, I wish all the luck for the future.
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A
female
reader, chinana  +, writes (20 March 2012):
 Hey sweetie. The guy is just a dushbag and I am sorry to say he took advantage of you too a very large extent but its because you allowed it to happen, you seem a bit inexperienced. In the future dont sleep with a man who is not offering you a relationship or a commitment it makes life a little less complicated. But as painful as it is you have to move on and forget him. Delete his number, block him on facebook, dont entertain his Bull any more, let the piece of scum go. You made a mistake by falling for him but the good news is you will find someone wonderful and genuwine. Keep your head up.
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