A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I have been dating this guy for a couple of months. He's nice to me, although he has a bit of a problem telling the truth.He does not like wearing protection as he says he doesn't feel anything and the rubber irritates him. I finally agreed to go on the pill after my next period which is in two weeks.Thing is, we were doing it last night. And he wore a condom. Later while I was clearing out the garbage, I came across the condom and it was completely dry! As if it were not used at all. I confronted him, at first he denied everything and later admitted that he removed the condom as we were doing it! I was shocked. I'm in a country were emergency contraceptives are banned and I have told him repeatedly that I do not want to get pregnant and yet he did this. He said that he came outside, and later changed the story saying that he did not cum at all. I don't remember seeing him cum outside and since I have never felt a man cum inside me, I didn't even realize if he finished inside.I am pretty upset right now. He says he removed it as we were doing it coz it was irritating him, but I've told him that he broke my trust in him. Am I over-reacting? Or do guys do this all the time? He said I won't get pregnant as he did not cum. But the reason I am more upset is the fact that he deceived me, when he knew that I am totally against doing it without protection. He wore it in front of me, then removed it, and then put it back towards the end so when I saw him, it felt as though he had been wearing it all along. He says hes sorry, but I don't know if I can trust him anymore. Should I give him another chance?
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condom, period, the pill Reply to this Question
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female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (18 January 2012):
 I might consider warning other women about this guy. He sounds like he's likely to spread STDs and cause unwanted pregnancies. I know that would be hard to do but, um, eek, with a creep like him on the loose?
I hope everything goes well for you.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (18 January 2012): OP this scumbag doesn't even deserve a good bye, he deserves nothing. His condom excuse in the first place was bullshit. Most of us guys prefer not wearing one but know it's a necessity, especially in your case when it is a non-negotiable condition of your consent. If rubber irritates us then we go get non-latex condoms to use. What he did was as bad what person12345 suggests. You said no to sex without a condom, you didn't give your consent to that which makes what he did not only immoral but illegal. Nobody is allowed to circumvent non-consent OP, if a girl refuses to have sex with me and I wait until she's asleep to have sex with her and then hope she doesn't find out I did that, well I don't think I need to tell you what that is.
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A
female
reader, YouWish +, writes (18 January 2012):
 Person is correct. This would be an issue of sexual assault. Depending on where you live, it can best either be pursued criminally or civilly. However, you missed the window of proof as far as DNA goes, and in order to win the battle of your word against his, you'd need to have another conversation with him about it...only this time, it'll need to be recorded. Remember, he's a better liar than you are.
As for what?! He cheated on you and you're still with him? Why do you hate yourself so much?? He's sleeping around, further exposing you to disease, and then ditching the condom.
Chigirl's statement about semen dripping from you after sex is true the majority of the time, unless your Liar is either a masturbation junkie or you two do it like mad rabbits on adrenaline, in which case it's possible that he didn't shoot a massive load of the thick white Hellman's, but rather thin and weakling milk of magnesia, in which case it could have been mistaken for the wetness you generated yourself during sex.
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A
female
reader, person12345 +, writes (18 January 2012):
 Also to point out, in most countries this is legally a form of rape/sexual assult. Remember that whole thing with Assange? The charge of sexual assault was about lying about condoms, basically the same situation.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (18 January 2012): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionYes. He is a liar. I'm kind of ashamed to admit it, but in these short months together, he already cheated on me once yet I took him back. Shouldn't have I guess.
24 answers telling me to kick him out of my life. Guess that doesn't leave me with much choice other than to do exactly what you all told me to do. Just hope I don't get pregnant though.
Thank you all so much for your answers. Appreciate it.
@YouWish, I'm currently residing in another country.
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A
male
reader, Tom Obler  +, writes (17 January 2012):
 You have around 23 NO's here. That must tell you something.
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A
male
reader, TrancedRhythmEar  +, writes (17 January 2012):
 Whoa! Big red flag here. Bottom line Id say he doesnt at all have any respect for you as a person or your body. If he's going against your agreement of protection, that is a clear violation. He needs a real lesson in honesty here and respect.. do not accept any apology from him. Get rid of him and put him and his dry rubber in the trash together.
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (17 January 2012):
 no second chance.
NO!
kick him to the curb.
and be strong about it.
he has NO respect for you.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (17 January 2012):
 No, what else will he lie about ?
It would a be a HECK NO! for a second chance from me.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (17 January 2012): He doesnt deserve a second chance. If that is one of his moves during sex, how do you know he hasnt been doing that with other girls before you and picked up an infection or disease? Has he been tested since you met him? If not, get yourself tested at a sexual health clinic and have a pregnancy test too. Sorry but he is dangerous, selfish and sneaky. He also lies and has no regard for you at all. Why would you want to give someone like that a second chance when he has no respect for you? Dont be tempted to stay with him because he cries about not meaning to upset you. He is not a good person. A decent guy would never behave the way he has!
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A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (17 January 2012):
 "He has a bit of a problem telling the truth", what a cute way to sugar-coat a liar.
If he finished inside of you you would have known because it'd be dripping out of you as you sat up/as he pulled out. On the condition that he had a lot of cum.
But even so, he obviously has no respect for you. This isn't a boy being nice to you. This is a boy being a selfish prick. Get your head on straight, dump the idiot. You are not over-reacting you are under-reacting. You're sitting here justifying him saying "it irritated him". Then he shouldn't have sex if it is so bloody irritating for him. Sheez. And then the "he has a bit of a problem telling the truth" just makes me think there are more things he isn't honest and open about.
If you put your trust in this man again then you're a fool. Fool me once, shame on you, fool me twice, shame on me. Remember that. He fooled you. Are you going to let him do it again?
NO! Walk away from this nut case.
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A
male
reader, Tom Obler +, writes (17 January 2012):
No from me as well. Very dishonest thing to do and a very risky thing to do. He doesn't need to fully finish as he would have sperm on his penis due to arousal. Not good from him.
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A
male
reader, N91 +, writes (17 January 2012):
 Absolutely not!
WTF is up with that dude??
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A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (17 January 2012):
 A second chance at what ? At getting you pregnant if he did not manage to do it this time ?...
What is it, do you like to play Russian roulette ?
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (17 January 2012): No he doesn't deserve a second chance. That wasn't a mistake or an accident he put your life and future at risk. He lied to you over and over again afterwards. This guy is disgusting filth and there are no come backs from this. None.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (17 January 2012): This guy disgusts me. If you do not kick his sorry ass a million miles away from you, you will regret it. Do not under any circumstances allow this guy back into your bed. He's a total selfish jerk who has no respect for you whatsoever.
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A
male
reader, eek +, writes (17 January 2012):
 no most guys dont do this. Most people have enough respect for the woman to wear protection if asked. Dump him and Hope he has not got you pregnant.
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A
male
reader, JustHelpinAgain  +, writes (17 January 2012):
Yes, I agree with advice below. 2 weeks from your period you are very likely to be pregnant. Unless you want a child with your wreckless partner you must seek help even if you you have to make him buy you an air ticket. Afterwards thing hard about whether you want a relationship with a guy who cares so little about you.
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A
female
reader, YouWish +, writes (17 January 2012):
One other thing -- can you please let us know if you get your period? I'll feel better if you didn't get impregnated.
Also, I read in your post that you're in a country where emergency contraception is banned? Your flag says the US, which allows the Morning After pill.
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A
female
reader, YouWish +, writes (17 January 2012):
Sorry about my language, but HOLY SHIT!
First, if you're not yet on the pill, I'd recommending quickly getting the morning after pill and taking it without delay. Given that your period is two weeks away, you're at very high risk for pregnancy.
Second, as other people have also said, he's exposed you to STD's. This is bad, as I'm sure that he wasn't tested before becoming sexually active with you.
Third, do not ever let him touch you again. Do not ever believe him again, and kick him to the curb. This should horrify you to the point of killing any feelings you had for him.
You already knew he had a problem with telling the truth. Why are you wasting time with him? Two months, and he's abusing your trust. You're lucky it wasn't a year down the line and he's committing fraud with your personal information or something like that.
I would never speak to him again except to tell him never to see you again. This is ultimate deal breaker. I sympathize with a guy not liking a condom, but tough beans. They make them out of different materials to avoid discomfort, and there are so many other ways to have an orgasm. He could have stopped the sex, pulled out, and asked you to relieve him orally or whatever. For him to say "I didn't finish" after initially saying "I came outside". BS. Total and utter BS. You can't believe a word he says.
To give him a second chance means that you believe you're not worth a real man, and that you're only worth being lied to, put in danger and did I mention LIED TO? Drop him.
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A
female
reader, person12345 +, writes (17 January 2012):
No. You shouldn't even talk to him again let alone have sex with him. What a selfish moron. He was willing to risk ruining your entire life because condoms don't feel as nice. This is not someone who has any respect whatsoever for you or your well-being. What if he had an STD, what if you were ovulating, he literally could have ruined your entire life. This is not someone who deserves a second chance.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (17 January 2012): Another vote to dump him.
IMHO birth control is a zero-tolerance area when it comes to lying. This goes for both sexes.
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A
male
reader, _raj_  +, writes (17 January 2012):
I can understand you to some extend. please give him a chance. if you are ok to continue think of female condoms. i am not sure how to use it. i just heard about it.
or both you discuss and come to a point. and this time you insist he should not cheat you!
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A
female
reader, uroboros +, writes (17 January 2012):
you know, pregnancy is one thing and some kind of disease is another. you didn't say if he ever got tested and shown you the results.
if you had unprotected sex with a person you don't trust entirely get checked right away!
and no, you can't trust him so theres no point being with him:(
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A
female
reader, Aunty BimBim  +, writes (17 January 2012):
 Selfish! No concern or respect for your wishes, or your health, and a liar to boot.
I also say no second chances for him!
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A
male
reader, Kyle007 +, writes (17 January 2012):
How in the world did he put it back on without you noticing? Putting on a condom takes a little work, you know, and putting one back on, I don't even know if it is possible.
Anyway, playing devil's advocate, it is hard, in the heat of passionate lovemaking, to stop and say "sorry, I can't continue because this condom is irritating".
That being said, this could have been premeditated.
Vaginal foam or jelly can be a useful alternative.
Has he lied about anything else? How is your relationship otherwise?
Its totally up to you whether or not you want to forgive him, and even if you do, you can't do the condom thing any more. Its too big a risk. Use birth control that you control. That is the best way for a woman to have peace of mind.
Also ask him if he wants to have children now. You never know, he just might.
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A
female
reader, Ciar +, writes (17 January 2012):
 Agreed. No second chances for this one.
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A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (17 January 2012):
Nope! He's done. He put his sexual pleasure ahead of your very valid concerns about pregnancy. I'd be worried about STDs too. Buh-bye, selfish guy. Maybe the next time he won't be so cavalier with another girl's health and future.
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