A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hey everyone, I've asked a couple of questions here before. I'm not really sure how to phrase this as a question, I just need some advice. Bear with me as it's a bit of a long story. There's this guy, "Chaz", who I met about three and a half years ago. We hit it off really well and quickly became best friends. I fell for him, told him, we sort of dated. I realized he wasn't right for me romantically after about a year, but I still loved him as a friend. After a rough period we still talked and laughed together a lot. Through those three years, we were basically inseparable. A mutual friend asked to date me after my break up and reconciliation with "Chaz" and I agreed, provided we went slowly, because "Chaz" (my first ever boyfriend) had gone too fast for me (and apologized, etc). "Chaz" started lecturing me on being careful and not crossing lines like we had done, and I told him to shut up about things he didn't know because I wasn't sharing details abut my relationship with him, figuring that it wouldn't lead anywhere good. Finally he went too far in a lecture which resulted in me, on the advice of friends and family, cutting him off. I blocked his number, telling him I thought we shouldn't talk for a while in order to cool off. After a month of no contact, we just saw each other again, at the same day-long event. He refused to even look at me all day, and when I talked to his cousin that night, she told me that he was "done with it" and wanted to just put it behind him. I gather from these things that he's done with our friendship and done with me. While it's not unexpected, it's a blow to me. I wasted no time in deciding that if he wanted me out of his life he can get out of mine and destroying everything he or his family ever gave me, deleting pictures of my computer, etc. Everyone is telling me to just not let it get to me, but it's not really that simple for me. He was my best friend for years, and in a single month we've gone from side by side to strangers. I'm not angry with him, I don't need comments telling me I'm better off with him gone or whatever. Just some help on how to get past the emotional baggage and not be so upset.
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male
reader, CaringGuy  +, writes (6 December 2009):
Well, you need to focus on your own life now. You're dating someone, so focus on him. I'm sure it was a blow to you. I think he still fancied you, and was hoping you'd come back. It's a shame, yes, but at the same time, if you hadn't done it, you would have found yourself in a harder situation. It will take you time, but you will get there. He is now the past, so look to your future with this new guy and focus on your own life. I will take more than a month, but you'll get there. Just be strong and focus on your life now.
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