A
male
age
36-40,
*olidus
writes:Question...Whats the secret to getting a really beautiful woman? You know the type you run into every now and again that make your heart stop and fill your veins with ice water? Is there a secret method for attracting these higher echelon beauties or do gorgeous women only ever date equally gorgeous men? I saw a scientific study once that proclaimed that within the ranking of beauty there's only about a 1.5 deviation from type. therefore 5's dates 5's, or 10's to 8.5-10's or so on...As I live in LA, beautiful people capital of the world, I see gorgeous women all the time i'm too scared to ask out I think about this a lot. I'd like to know what you guys, and mostly ladies think. Do any of you know many instances of gorgeous women dating guys not as attractive as them, please exclude extenuating circumstances like the dude being a musician or millionaire. Thanks. Reply to this Question
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (26 August 2010): It's the same story with pretty women as it is with less attractive women.
Show interest. But don't act like you need them. Don't act like their approval means too much to you.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (26 August 2010): What is gorgeous to you may not be gorgeous to someone else. I have friends who think Colin Farrel and the guy from Twilight are gorgeous. Frankly, neither is really my type. You may see a couple and think they are equally gorgeous and someone else may see the same couple and think they are completely mismatched. Some men think a plastic woman is gorgeous and some like a more natural looking girl. It is all relative.
For me physical attraction is very important. But so are other factors. So there might be a gorgeous guy who asks me out but doesn't have much going for him and there might be a less attracive guy who is way cooler, has more going for him, we get along better, so chances are I will go for him instead.
In LA more than looks, the easiest way to get women is to be a big shot producer, director or agent and be able to get that person ahead in their career. Frankly it doesn't matter what you look like. If you can get a beautiful woman a spread on Maxim, chances are she will do sexual favors for you, perhaps even date you. That's the biz and that is LA. More than looks it is about who you are, how much influence you have, money, etc.
And I guess in general, yeah, people tend to gravitate toward other people who are similar to them. Where expectation meets reality. The better looking and cooler you are, the higher your expectations will be. Its like a person graduating from Harvard with honors is going to have higher expectations in his job search than a person who doesn't have a degree. When you are handed things on a silver platter it gives you more options to choose from. Doesn't mean you are always going to make the right choice.
You should however, be careful with your mindset and outlook on women. Every women wants to feel beautiful but more importantly she wants to feel special. If you are dating women just because you will take any one of them from a line up of beautiful women, that's going to come off as lame. Just letting you know.
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A
male
reader, Solidus +, writes (26 August 2010):
Solidus is verified as being by the original poster of the question Hey everybody,
This was all very good advice. I think the problem that I other men in my position have is that we see these women as goddess' rather than human, therefore approaching them becomes something akin to talking to the Great and Powerful Oz. We start shaking like the tin man asking for a heart. Because basically we are...we're asking for their heart.
I found Beingblack's post to be remarkably uncanny as I am similarly attributed (6'2", 230), muscular, black, and with a shaved head. A number of people have told me i'm good looking, but for the majority of my life i grew up a fat kid before i lost weight and started working out, so I never really developed an over inflated self image, i guess you could say and still feel like that kid.
Honestly, I'm attracted to a variety of women, not just the supermodel variety scattered around LA. There just happens to be this one girl in my building who I personally think is gorgeous. i always go out of my way to strike up a friendly chat whenever we ride the elevator together or I see her doing laundry and she's always nice and engaging.
I've decided that next time I see her i'm going to strike up a friendly conversation and ask her to go to lunch. :)
Thanks for the responses, Everyone!
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A
male
reader, mrvhappy  +, writes (26 August 2010):
Hi,
I agree with what others have posted on here
If you arent confident, borrow a friends dog....my best friend (married) has just got a Choclate brown Labrador which he takes on regular walks on the downs.(sorta an Urban country side)
He tells me that he's amazed at the number of women (manly gorge babes) who stop and chat to him/pat the dog. He tells me that he wished that he was single sometimes!!!..Lol
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A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (26 August 2010):
 Helps if the pedestal to which you refer is attached to a high-end automobile pointed at the summer beach house.
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A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (26 August 2010):
You seem to think that beautiful women are all alike, that they will all respond to the same type of approach. That's a rather simplistic view of them. Some will be lovely, warm, bright and sincere. Others will be stand-offish, mean and snobby. Your problem is you get struck by their looks and forget that they have individual personalities. Your best bet is to try to get to know them as a person, then you'll know what KIND of person you are dealing with.
If you are going up to random women on the street and asking them out, you won't do a whole lot better with average-looking women than you will with knock-outs.
Beautiful women know they are attractive and get hit on more, so they'll have developed a defense system to rid themselves of nuisance suitors.
Beautiful women are just women. Treat them as fellow humans and not some sort of icon.
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A
female
reader, Lotsalove. +, writes (26 August 2010):
 I have to agree with Beingblack, it is all about confidence. I am mixed race, 5"7, long legs, but heavy chested and I hate it, but I use it to my advantage. I don't hide them away, I embrace them, When i go out..I wear dresses so that my legs are the biggest attraction, not my top half. I don't think Im ugly, neither do i think Im Gods Gift. I'm attracted to tall, big muscly good looking guys, but some of these come with a shit attitude because they are good looking, they have never had to be 'nice'.
I went to LA for a year and my british accent was my biggest benefit. People were so attracted to that, I easily struck up conversations with different people. If you dont find yourself good looking, you need to boost your personality. You just need to be confident, its another big attraction. If a guy can get my attention with one line/a joke/ a cocky sentence, Im impressed, and he hasnt gotta look like Brad Pitt, he's just won me over with that line!
Next time you see a woman you like, go for it. Whats the worst that can happen?
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (26 August 2010): Three things.
Money.
Power.
Humour.
Either one of these things can make a man attractive to a woman. But all three practically gets them squirting faster than a porn starlet.
Humour is especially important. You can have all the money and power in the world, but if you don't have the ability to make her smile with or without them, she'll find some tennis instructor or hunky teenage gardener or pool boy who will.
Flynn 24
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A
male
reader, Beingblack +, writes (26 August 2010):
 I can state with some certainty that I am not good looking, at the best I have a slightly pleasant face. The thing that seperated me from the rest in terms of getting the girl was confidence.
I have always been confident, Lord knows why, but I am me, I am quite big (6'2", 240), muscular, black, shaved head. I am very far from the Brad Pitt stereotype. But I smile, and laugh quite a lot, because I LOVE my life.
Walking around the shops, out in town, wherever I go, I notice that if I look like something is amusing me, people of both sexes stop and talk.
It worked for me in LA (black guy with English accent), and if you allow the real you to come to the surface in LA, you will get yourself any number of women.
Do not be AFRAID to talk to a gorgeous woman. You have to consider that so many are afraid like you, that she hardly ever gets hit on. Be yourself, be natural, be polite, and be positive.
Also, do not restrict yourself to what you perceive as gorgeous. All women are exceptional in their own unique way. Talk to everyone and anyone. The more you do it, the more comfortable you will feel doing it, and you never know when or where you will meet the one.
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A
female
reader, Gabrielle Stoker +, writes (26 August 2010):
 And I've seen vast numbers of very attractive/rich/powerful men with ugly wives. There's no algorithm.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (26 August 2010): Hmm, not sure I agree with your statistics here. If it's standard deviation you are referring to, that would imply that for 60% of couples, the gap between them is 1,5 or less.
I've seen plenty of average looking guys with stunning women. The reason is that women are slightly less visual; they like a man with confidence, emotional qualities, status, power, and money. If you have many of these but are perhaps not gorgeous, you can still get a gorgeous wife no problem!
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A
female
reader, YouWish +, writes (26 August 2010):
 Your roadblock is precisely what you stated - being too scared to ask them out. What makes you scared? Are you feeling like they're out of your league, or are you not confident that they'll ever look favorably at you?
Your answer might be found in yourself. Would you ever date a plain looking woman? What would cause you to "lower your standards" and choose an average looking woman over a gorgeous bombshell? Would it be only money and prestige? Or her professional connections and what she would do for you? Or is it possible that an average to plain looking woman with self-confidence and an amazing personality might snag your heart?
If you answer that only a physically gorgeous woman has a chance with you, then those L.A. bombshells you want to date will see right through you.
Remember, beauty fades, including your own. What's left when things start to wrinkle and sag? Unless you're Pamela Anderson, in which case the question is, what's left after $500,000 worth of plastic surgery and she's still looking old even in silicone breasts??
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A
female
reader, Gabrielle Stoker +, writes (26 August 2010):
You should have seen my first two lovers....they'd come second and third in a beauty competition if the only competition was Frankenstein.
On a serious note, though, it's difficult to generalize all 'gorgeous women' into one homogenous bucket. Some are conscious of their looks and will not date "out of league', other's are practical and will date any presentable man who is intelligent,funny, sensible etc. and then there are those that are irresistably attracted to ugly men.
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A
female
reader, Alittlebroken +, writes (26 August 2010):
 Hi Solidus,
I think that most of the time, the study that you heard about, seems to be correct. I actually did a Master's in psychology and did a scientific experiment on couples; I measured how attractive each person in the couple was, and then compared the partners. The results were that most couples do pick people of a similar attractiveness to themselves.
However, I do think that there are exceptions. Women are very complex creatures! I myself, am considered quite attractive, however I went out with someone that my friends said was not a match for me and someone that in their opinion, was not attractive at all. I mean he was hairy, had crooked teeth, big ears, big nose, etc. However, I loved this man more than anything. To me, he was the most gorgeous guy out there- his smile, his eyes, his humour, his personality. I also liked the fact that he was really tall and manly; he wasn't muscly though and did not have a good body but I loved him.
Think about this- these beautiful women- how many times day do they get chatted up by sleaze bags, people that just want to sleep with them, people that stare at their chests and only their chests? If you are a normal down to earth guy, they might find it refreshing that you are asking them out. But why are you focusing on just these women? They might also be self- obsessed, think they are god's gift, and have no personality. I know if we want to find a suitable partner we must find them attractive first, but maybe you need to focus more on the whole package rather than just looks.
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A
male
reader, MMAfighter +, writes (26 August 2010):
Dude i know what you mean, most of the time thats the way it goes but with the women who arent entirely attracted to physical apperances and how fat your wallet is, there is a beautiful girl waitin for you to come along. I have a absolutely beautiful girlfriend and im not very good lookin. Im 5'9", very short hair, scars on my face, but 190 pounds of muscle, just general discription of ulgy. She hates the fact that i fight so thats not why shes with me. Its all about the personality, alot of women these days look at that, not looks. Ive been with women ages 18 to 30, most who were mainly attracted to my personality. Just strike up a conversation with a beautiful woman and see where it goes, try to prepare yourself so you dont get tounge tied, take it from me its really embarrasing haha. Hope this helps man.
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A
male
reader, Cerberus_Raphael  +, writes (26 August 2010):
 I couldn't help laughing when you mentioned a 'scientific study' on attraction. Neither math nor science can ever truly predict what type of person someone will be attracted to based on appearance.
It's no secret, you have to be confident in yourself. Respect goes a long way. Be friendly, people, men and women like someone who makes them feel good when they're around them. If you want to ask a girl out, go on and ask, if they say 'no'. Oh well, better luck next time. OR, you can start going out and meet people, get to know them. Looks are worthless unless you're looking for someone to sleep with.
Just be confident in yourself and BE yourself. When you feel comfortable in your own skin, people will take notice no matter what you look like. I've seen less attractive guys get beautiful girls because they were funny, they made the girl feel good, I mean, everyone likes to feel good.
I hope that helps.
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