A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes: My girlfriend and I have been together for a few years. About a year ago we started fighting a lot. Since then we have had sex only six times and we havn't had sex at all in months. She doesn't even want to kiss me or cuddle with me when we sleep. I asked her if she has been cheating on me and she and I got in a huge fight. She told me that she has not been able to get aroused and that she has a hormone imbalance. I told her that I was sorry for accusing her and that I would help her get through this. She will not talk to me about going to the doctor about this. Last night I looked at her cell phone and pulled up all of her calls. She talked to a guy I know for over an hour. She didn't take my call because she was talking to him. She has also been texting him and I read some of the text messages. It seemed innocent but he said I love you and she said back I love you to but I'm not convinced that means anything because they have been friends for a long time and they never were together. I don't know if I am being paranoid or not. I feel bad for looking at her phone while she was sleeping. What should I say to her? If she really hasn't done anything I will feel horrible.
View related questions:
I love you, text Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (6 August 2010): I feel pathetic. I really love her and in the beginning everything was going really well. She is taking my self respect from me. I don't feel like I can talk to her. Everytime we talk it turns into a fight and I feel like I did something wrong when it's over. I looked at her phone again and she is still texting him. She hasn't said anything that is really blatant but she is talking to him and sending him a lot of text messages. I'm about to snap and tell her I have looked at her phone. I know she's going to make it my fault.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (5 August 2010): I agree...where there's smoke, there's fire. If she loved you more, she wouldn't have ignored your call. If she's really having a hormone imbalance, and it affected her sex life that much, she'd get it checked out. Now I know some women who will say " I love you" to a close friend of the opposite sex and mean nothing more than friendship. But is she one of those, or does " I love you" get reserved for men she's intimate with? You need to look at the facts here and have the talk. If she gets very defensive, or if thigs just don't add up, I suggest you split.
...............................
A
female
reader, Dorothy Dix  +, writes (5 August 2010):
Sounds like she's a bit unsure of what she wants at the moment.
Perhaps you both need a break from each other for a while and see how things pan out.
The fact that you haven't had any sex for months, would seem to point to the possibility that she is getting it elsewhere. In any loving relationship where sex is regular, even every 3 weeks is a bit of a long gap without it. But certainly once or twice a week you could expect to be about average. A few months gap is a very long time and certainly not normal in any relationship.
It seems possible that she is using a hormonal imbalance as an excuse - which probably doesn't even exist at all. Maybe she is just trying to make up something so it sounds feasible. If it was the real reason, she would definitely be getting treatment from a GP to correct it. No-one would tolerate that and do nothing.
Perhaps between you both is some communication issues. Maybe you don't share enough of yourselves with each other and not being honest about how you feel towards each other. There's possibly some resentment there over things that annoy you both about each other, that's never been talked about. If so, you do need to talk. Otherwise, those things will fester.
Also, do you go out and have fun and go to nice places? Do either or both of you have any interesting hobbies, that's also important. As well as some time apart, not being together all day every day - that can be stifling.
Good luck to you both. Best Wishes.
...............................
A
male
reader, Illithid +, writes (5 August 2010):
 Invasion of privacy: bad. But keeping your wits about you: good. The more she talks to this other guy, including those little "i love you" messages, the more likely that she might be growing closer to him... especially if she's growing farther from you at the same time. Talk to her. Don't accuse, be extremely calm, but ask if there's someone else and maybe even mention this man (just saying that you have a hunch, not admitting to looking at her phone).
My ex-fiance started talking to a guy, a lot. Hours on the phone, frequent chatting, getting closer to him while pulling away from me. It wasn't long before she left me for him.
...............................
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (5 August 2010): She won't sleep with you but she talks to another guy for hours at a time and says "I love you" to him? Brother... I hate to be the one to breack it to you but something is going on and it isn't innocent. Call your locksmith and pack her bags cuz its over.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (5 August 2010): First of all you shouldnt have looked at her phone. I consider my phone my own private property...along with my purse. Not that i have anything at all to hide, but its mine.
That being said, i think you are right to be worried, and who knows, maybe the end justifies the means. I think that if she isnt physically cheating, she is definitly emotionally pulling away from you and leaning toward him...possibly even having an emotional affair. Dont believe that she isnt capable of cheating on you, trust me, she is. mal
...............................
A
male
reader, Sxy Bad Boy +, writes (4 August 2010):
Sounds to me like you are not happy. When you are really unhappy in a relationship you must promise yourself to move on and then do so quickly.
...............................
A
male
reader, escribanus  +, writes (4 August 2010):
 She may be cheating on you. Anyway if she isn't playing her role on the relationship maybe the love is gone.
...............................
A
male
reader, dirtball +, writes (4 August 2010):
 Ouch, that guy is trying to steal her away. It is inappropriate to tell someone else's gf that you love them unless you are family. The fact that she responded in kind is a huge red flag in my book. I wouldn't necessarilly say she's cheating physically, but she has started to emotionally cheat on you for sure. She ignored your call while on the phone with him? Bad sign for sure. I think your relationship is over. She just doesn't have the guts to break up with you so she's making your life hell in hopes that you'll be the bad guy.
...............................
A
female
reader, Romani +, writes (4 August 2010):
It seems to me like you truly care and want your relationship to work. You need to sit her down and talk honestly. Tell her you miss her affection and that you are willing to help her through her 'hormone' problems- however you will need a doctors examination to prove that she truly does have some sort of imbalance. If she refuses to meet you halfway on this issue it's a serious sign that something is up. Do you feel confident of her love for you? you be the judge- but a frigid woman won't make you happy in the long run.
...............................
A
male
reader, dyeruz  +, writes (4 August 2010):
You know if something doesn't feel right, I'm not sure about this self diagnosis of hormonal imbalance has to do with anything, she's not aroused because she's not interested in having sex with you or she's getting it somewhere else or at least its an emotional affair, it sounds like she's getting very defensive whenever you ask questions about why things are the way they are, I'm sure you love her, let her know how worried you are about the way things are going, if she tries to start a fight, don't take the bait, stay calm and reasoned, if she really loves you and wants to work things out then she'll will, if she doesn't and keeps making excuses, get rid of and move on.
...............................
A
male
reader, AvgGuy1 +, writes (4 August 2010):
 If she has a hormonal imbalance, she should see a doctor. Otherwise, she you BOTH need to sit down with a therapist to talk out whatever is bothering her (and you).
...............................
A
female
reader, tennisstar88 +, writes (4 August 2010):
 From the female point of view, we stop the sex for a reason. Mine was I cheated on my ex fiance and felt so guilty I couldnt have sex with him. And since when do we tell our friends those 3 words? Were women we dont just toss around "i love you" those are some very sacred words. Bottom line she's distant, no kissing u, decline in sex, and ur questioning her, all for a reason. Sorry to say but bottom line is she is cheating on u. Now i suggest u be the dumper before ur the dumpee.
...............................
|
