A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Can anyone please explain to me how it's possible to be too sweet?Last weekend when I went out with a girl I've known a few years, we got a little drunk and totally unexpected she kissed me, I've liked this girl since the moment I met her but because of complications I've never had a chance to tell her. But since she kissed me, I asked a friend (girl) to ask her what the deal is, if she likes me or if it she was just having some drunken fun, unfortunatly it was the latter, She said that I was too sweet that her character would destroy me.In the past she told me that every guy she went out with, sweet or otherwise, turned into an aggresive bastard because of her, I refuse to believe that the only problem is her. I mean it must be those guys too right? How they handle her when she acts out?
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male
reader, Serpico  +, writes (11 February 2013):
Esp at your age, many women are attracted to the "bad boy" type. Does that mean you have to ride motorcycles and get tattoos? No, but it does mean you have to act confident to the point of being arrogant. Please do not listen to any woman on this subject as I dont think many of them are willing/capable of admitting it to themselves. Many will tell you that they want a "nice guy" someone who "treats them well" - right before going home with the biggest a-hole in the room.
If you want a woman to be your "friend" then be Mr Sweetie-Big Brother. If you want dates, then be over the top confident - to the point of arrogance. Almost NO woman wants to be with Mr Niceguy - no matter what they SAY. Most women want Mr Alpha Male/Take Charge. If I could give any 16-18 year old male advice on dating, it would be this. I was given it at age 16 by a WOMAN in her late 20s, and I ignored it at the time. Big mistake......
A
male
reader, anon_e_mouse  +, writes (10 February 2013):
 Too sweet means you're a wimp. That's what she's saying. Sounds to me she wants a man and not some puppy dog little boy. That doesn't mean she wants a bad boy. They're just as much hassle, sure she'd probably rather go out with a bad boy than a wimp. But then, the bad boy thing wouldn't last long. Women mistake the bad boy for a strong man. A strong man is a gentleman who sits somewhere in the middle of Mr Wimp and Mr Macho Bad Boy. She wants a man.
It's different for men. Men aren't sweet. It's not attractive to women. Yes, women love there sweet little boys (their sons) but from their partner they want a man. Women can be sweet.
So she destroyed the character of her previous boyfriends? And you want in? Sounds to me like she's a flirt and a tease. Her ex-bfs probably reacted to her antics and flirting with jealousy when instead they should've just walked away.
"In the past she told me that every guy she went out with, sweet or otherwise, turned into an aggresive bastard because of her, I refuse to believe that the only problem is her."
You can refuse to believe it if you like. Denial won't make it less true. She knows she mucks about with peoples' feelings. That's what she's saying in her woman speak.
Move on and find a decent woman. Not some stupid tease... And man up! Don't ask a mutual friend what they think. You know when you did that it would've been obvious to the one you kissed and make you look wet and wimpy?
Ask the girl outright if she wants to go out for a drink or something. And don't listen to her or your friends. You should be talking to her only about her. Unless it comes "straight from the horses mouth" it's as reliable as gossip.
If the girl you ask out says yes, don't get all emotional and start talking about your feelings. Take them out, have a laugh and a joke and a fun time. You can tell them how you feel AFTER they tell you. And you don't ask them. They either come out with it (one day) or they don't. Until they do, you don't say anything about your feelings. It looks weak. We're not in a Hollywood RomCom here. This is real life.
Get out there and meet more women and find yourself a good one! There's nothing you can do here. She's basically said, "I'm not interested". The reason doesn't matter. Whether it's because you're "too sweet" or not. It doesn't matter whether she's telling the truth or not. She has said in her special woman speak she isn't interested.
Best of luck!
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A
male
reader, Sageoldguy1465 +, writes (9 February 2013):
 She sounds like a girl-player who uses the ".. you're so sweet that I am no good for you... so I have to dump you..." line when she gets tired of playing with her guy- conquests...
There's nothing you, or any of the other guys, could do to make her act differently.... She has to live her own life on her own terms..... If they're dumb terms... they're still her terms....
Good luck... May you be spared meeting/falling for such a girl in the future....
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (9 February 2013): She sounds like the kind of bitch who gets a kick out of all the drama of complicated relationships and situations. That type of thing is all fun and games and part of the thrill for her. She wants someone who will play her game and give her as good as she dishes out, she doesn't want a sweet guy who will back down, fall at her feet and kiss them when she fronts her bitchy side. That's boring (The way she will see it).
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A
female
reader, person12345 +, writes (9 February 2013):
 I don't think it has anything to do with what she is saying. It has nothing whatsoever to do with you being too sweet or her needing a bad boy. If you ask someone to hang out, they never say "No thank you, that sounds boring." They will make up some kind of excuse instead. Even "I need to feed my cat." Or something. This is just her doing the same thing. She doesn't want to be too harsh in her rejection, so she's coming up with some kind of excuse.
It doesn't mean anything about her character or yours, she's just not interested and it's time to move on.
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A
female
reader, Dayzee  +, writes (9 February 2013):
Yep. She wants a bad boy. By the time she realizes her mistake hopefully you will have found a nice girl to suit you. Don't wait because you might miss a really lovely girl and you won't be her 'settle for' guy. It sounds like you have been in the wings long enough.
I've been that girl. Don't take her crumbs. Trust me. Move on.
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A
female
reader, R1 +, writes (9 February 2013):
 Drunken kisses don't mean the same thing as sober kisses. After enough drink I'll kiss all sorts of people! Doesn't mean I like them or want a relationship with them. She is just giving you an excuse as to why you aren't her type. Doesn't mean other women will feel the same, she's just not the one.
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A
female
reader, xTheAlmightyDuckx +, writes (9 February 2013):
 She may have meant that you being too sweet could simply mean that you are maybe a bit too shy and sensible. You see, I am a very strong character, I like having a joke around, with the guys I go out with they have to be able to have a joke back and not take the things I say to personally, and when I am having a bad day they need to know how to handle me (I’m not aggressive or anything I can just sometimes get a bit hysteric). I've been out with one guy before who was a bit too sweet, and I was having a bad day, he couldn't handle it, because he just didn't really know what to do, the next day we broke up. I have depression you see, so when I’m having a bad day I need someone who isn't afraid to tell me to stop feeling sorry for myself and to get up and get out there, with guys who tend to be a bit timid or reserved or shy they do not tend to have the courage to say something like that. I would maybe except that you’re not her type, you can still be friends with her of course, these things happen it’s just your two mix of characters do not combine. Good Luck xx
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A
male
reader, Darrell Goodliffe +, writes (9 February 2013):
 Hmmmmm I think that depends, it depends on what shes actually doing. If she is aggressive, even to the point of being physically or emotionally so, then its only a matter of time before somebody turns and for every action there is a reaction. On the other hand your also right, but the problem with them may not be that they are latently aggressive but that they become so because of how this girl is, thats not to excuse them, if thats the case they should really walk away.Maybe she has had a bad past, maybe she mediates affection through aggression (ie, she sees aggressive behaviour as an expression of affection, it does happen) and therefore provokes people to be aggressive (whether she is aware of this or not). I think you should listen to your friend on this one to be honest. I am sure you are a very sweet guy and part of your attraction is a desire to fix this girl which may or may not be possible. Your friend is obviously trying to protect you and look out for you, sometimes our friends are more objective because they are not feelings the things we are. Listen to your friend. Good luck.
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A
female
reader, llifton +, writes (9 February 2013):
 what she probably means is that she's looking for a bad boy. you are probably not her type emotionally. some girls are wild and hard to handle. she probably thinks she could walk all over you. some women like that can be a serious pain in the ass, so you're more than likely better off without her, i'm sure.
some women are just type A personalities and very alpha female. and they need men who are the same. very dominant and direct. maybe she thinks you're not this type of guy.
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A
female
reader, Kindpigeonette  +, writes (9 February 2013):
I'm a female and both of my ex boyfriends became abusive and blamed me for being "too nice" for their behavior. Apparently it is possible to be "too sweet", but I think they were just jerks who used my personality as an excuse for treating me poorly because I didn't do much else for them to react to. If YOU were described as too sweet for her, I would run for the hills fast. Females can also be abusers in relationships as well. Those two relationships left me pretty depressed and took away part of my innocence. My exs would MAKE UP information about me in their head as an excuse to treat me like garbage. I gave up friendships, hobbies, dreams, my personality etc. in the first relationship. In the second, I began doing the same thing until it hit me that it was also abusive. Avoid her like the plague!
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