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age
36-40,
anonymous
writes: This isn't a relationship question but i would be interested to hear what people think.Ever since i was about 13 (i'm now 23) i realised i wasn't the maternal type. People would show off their kids and these women would go all ga ga over them and i just couldn't understand what the big deal was.I just don't see the appeal and people talking about their kids bores me to death. I suppose babies are cute to look at but i don't go all gaga over them.One of my friends recently went for her first scan and asked if i wanted to know the sex of the baby. I of course, said i did and she told me. I pretended to be excited but i felt nothing, pleased that she was happy but not excited about her having a baby.I'm not a cold person in any other way. I love animals and if i see a puppy i will make the biggest fuss of one but when it comes down to babies i just don't feel anything.Am i a bit weird for not particularly liking kids? Reply to this Question
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female
reader, Funkybeats  +, writes (26 February 2011):
I did a google with this question and came up with this site right away, which I found quite helpful and so felt compelled to post my own take on it. I have always maintained that I don't have any maternal instincts and that babies are not for me (like many of the respondees here, I feel much more for critters than kids and I do go gugu gaga over baby animals... but who doesn't?). Now, at 39, I feel pressure to make absolutely sure that this is really what I want. But how on earth can you truly know? How do I know that there's not some kinda deeply entrenched psychological block when it comes to kids/family (I grew up in a one-parent family and we're all pretty independent and don't go in for big family get-togethers etc). I get on well with little folks :) tending to speak to them pretty much as I would anyone else (just modifying my vocab slightly perhaps!). What I don't like is the negative feeling I get around young mothers with their kids - I've tried to put my finger on it, to work out what's going on...but it feels like a kind of disapproval or something. That's not quite it. But it's negative, I know that. I also know that I am of the mindset too that there are too many mouths to feed already (but whether this is just to justify my decision, who knows). I wonder if it's a defensive thing - to make sure that I don't start wanting what they've got (because I've decided that it's not for me). I wish I could feel more accepting and warm about the general concept of people wanting and having children - I think then I would be truly at peace. What still rocks my peace is reading comments, as there are on here, saying that having kids is the most amazing experience and that basically I am missing out big time. I know, deep down, I don't want to hear this but it is just people's truth about how they feel about their own kids so it shouldn't bother me. I worry that I am making a big mistake and that I am indeed missing out. I am sure I am but as someone points out here, there is always adoption if I get the urge later on to nurture a child. I don't see why it needs to have my DNA - indeed, perhaps better off if it doesn't!! :-P
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (14 January 2011): with world overpopulation at its worst, it would be better if more people admitted they didnt' want kids and didn't have them rather than having them out of peer pressure. If one needs to satisfy maternal or paternal instincts to nurture, why not adopt and existing third-world orphan who needs a home rather than procreating and bringing yet more mouths into the world to take up resources?
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female
reader, Anonymous 123  +, writes (14 January 2011):
 Wow!! And I thought I was the only one!! Thank you OP!! Thats exactly how I feel!!
I'm not very fond of kids myself, and when I happen to mention this, the reaction is almost often a raised eyebrow and an "oh??". I dont really care. Just because we're women doesnt mean we're biologically programmed to like kids.
I love dogs much, MUCH more than children...I always tell my boyfriend i would like at least 4 dogs at home and no kids please, thank you!!
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female
reader, Anonymous 123 +, writes (14 January 2011):
Wow!! And I thought I was the only one!! Thank you OP!! Thats exactly how I feel!!
I'm not very fond of kids myself, and when I happen to mention this, the reaction is almost often a raised eyebrow and an "oh??". I dont really care. Just because we're women doesnt mean we're biologically programmed to like kids.
I love dogs much, MUCH more than children...I always tell my boyfriend i would like a at least 4 dogs at home and no kids please, thank you!!
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reader, anonymous, writes (14 January 2011): im more or less the same age as u r. I personally wud love to hav a baby but i dont think your strange for not wanting any. It just means that you know wht you want and wont be bringing any unwanted babies into the world because your sure that you know your feelings! And if you change ur mind then youve got 10 maybe 20 years in which to do it!
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female
reader, angelDlite +, writes (14 January 2011):
 hi
no you're not weird and this is more common than you think, some kids are a nuiscance anyway! :) for the record, a friend of mine was exactly like you, always said she would rather have a puppy than a baby. that was until she had a baby! she is totally obsessed with her little son now and looking forward to giving him a brother or sister. you might have a change of heart, but don't worry about it if you don't! i think our society tends to expect every woman to have at least one child and for those ladies that don't, they automatically have people wondering what the 'problem' is! don't buy into it if it isn't what you want. no one should have to question their own normality just coz they don't feel maternal or get mushy when they see babies
xx
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reader, anonymous, writes (14 January 2011): I know what you mean! When people bring their kids to the office to show them off, I never really know how to react. I was criticized for not smiling at someone's kid enough.
Some mother's expect you to be so impressed and it's usually an akward occasion, not just for you, but for the kid who is being brought out and walked up to strangers like some kind of circus monkey.
I don't hate (most) children. Sometimes when I see a particularly interesting kid, I even think I might want them, but I know I want them in the same way would want to learn how to skydive one day...it seems like a hypothetical and distant ambition.
You're not wierd...I hope anyway. I have noticed some moms now only give their kid a brief introduction when they walk by desk.
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female
reader, Blonde68 +, writes (14 January 2011):
Nothing odd about that at all! I am a mother and love my child dearly, but I have never gone ga ga either over children. I recall a rather embarrassing moment.. I went to visit a friend who had recently had a baby, and also a new puppy. It wasnt until I had been there about an hour, that I realised I hadnt acknowledged the baby as I had been spending all my attention on the dog!
You are normal... don't worry about it!
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reader, anonymous, writes (14 January 2011): You're not weird but probably in a small minority. I would LOVE to meet a woman who doesn't want kids, as I don't either. Yet even using internet dating I find it a very small pool to try and find a partner from.
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reader, anonymous, writes (13 January 2011): The whole 'ga ga' thing is essentially programmed into human DNA. It is almost involuntary. Exaggerating the way we speak, and the way we move our facial muscles and body parts, makes it easier for babies to imitate our movement. This is how they learn how to crawl and talk.
It's cool if you don't want kids. Human population has advanced to the point where it is no longer a major biological need to create life every person. But for every one person who does not have a high maternal instinct, there are a hundred thousand that do so humanity is in no way gonna dies out.
Though I cannot imagine dying and not having family to remember me. To ensure that the life I lead is not pointless. But that's me. I am one of those people that at some point needs progeny to carry my DNA and whatever legacy I leave into the future.
Flynn 24
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (13 January 2011): I'm exactly the same.
Now that I'm getting older - I'm 35 - and practically all of my friends (both guy and girl friends) have kids, I still don't have kids even though the pressure from family and friends is enormous.
thing is, I have so many friends who admitted feeling the same way yet now - in their mid to late 30s - suddenly caved in and just had their first babies. they said they don't like kids, don't actually want to have kids, but feel that they "have" to otherwise they don't feel like they are normal. other friends said they still don't like kids, still don't actually want kids, but fear that they might change their minds in the future when they are too old so they "have" to do it now, just in case they regret it later.
then once they have kids, they justify why it was the right choice and mask their mid life crisis.
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female
reader, natasia +, writes (13 January 2011):
 No, you aren't - you just haven't, I guess, been brought up in the sort of culture where there are lots of babies/children around and you get to see how amazing they are. (They are actually MUCH nicer/cooler/generally better to be around than adults ...)
When I was in my early to mid twenties, I also didn't go a bundle on other people's kids. BUT, as soon as you are pregnant with your own, you feel totally and utterly different. I know I am just telling you this, and you might not believe me, but trust me, it is true.
So no, not weird - just you need yr own puppy rather than someone else's ... it is animal instinct once you have one.
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reader, LizBeth  +, writes (13 January 2011):
No, you're not weird at all. I think it's good that you've realized this is true for yourself, at least for now. It might change, but if it doesn't, you're still not weird.
One word of advice: be VERY clear about not wanting children to any man with whom you might become serious. If he wants children and you don't, it can become a major sticking point. Just be honest about it.
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reader, anonymous, writes (13 January 2011): Nope it's not weird. I'm the same. Some women just aren't that type, that's all. Doesn't make you a bad person/weird or anything like that.
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reader, CindyCares +, writes (13 January 2011):
 No. I never went go go ga ga about any baby, including mine. I loved him , I was affectionate, I think I have been a good mom ( my son says it too ,at least when he is in a good mood ) but I never quite understood the need many people have for weird cooing sounds and facial contortions when they see babies.
And talking about babies IS the most boring thing on earth. Like you say, they are cute, - but, let's face it, all they do is sleep eat and excrete, there is really not much to talk about.
I don't think I am, and I have never been judged as, a cold person either.
I don't feel I am weird at all. I may belong to a minority, but I know it's not a minority of one.
I also have a theory ,that several people do not feel particularly overwhelmed by emotions when dealing with babies, but it's just more feminine and more politically correct pretending they are.
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female
reader, celtic_tiger +, writes (13 January 2011):
 I love kids, but I am not a fan of babies. I do not understand the ohhing, ahhing and fussing. They are babies. Woo. I adore small children, being able to interact with them, talk to them, and doing things with them, but I just dont understand WHY people get so daft and soppy over babies.
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male
reader, doublejack +, writes (13 January 2011):
I'll add another no. My ex-wife is not very maternal. I didn't exactly coerce her into it, but she certainly wasn't as enthusiastic to start a family as I was. After one child she was DONE having kids, and after the divorce I have primary custody of our child.I think this type of mindset is actually a lot more common than in previous generations. I know of two men who have never married and have had vasectomies. They're that sure they never want kids. I see no reason why a woman couldn't feel the same way.
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reader, anonymous, writes (13 January 2011): Omg I was the same way,but its very different when they're your own. I still don't care that much for other peoples kids but I get it when the other person is always so proud of there own I still don't care for other kids. But tust me when u have your own your gonna go gaga for your own I think that's realy normal what your feeling. So don't think your wierd your not.
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male
reader, kenny +, writes (13 January 2011):
 No i don't think you are weird for not liking kids, at the end of the day everyone is different, so you are not the maternal type, its no big deal. There is a girl at our work with no maternal feelings, and when some of the other girls who have been on maternity leave come in with their babies she leaves the room and goes somewhere else.
Also it can be a problem if you get into a relationship with someone who may have a child, or indeed be keen on having a child abit further down the line.
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reader, dirtball +, writes (13 January 2011):
 Nope. I'm very good friends with a girl just like you. I'm personally not a big fan of kids until they actually develop a personality. Even then, meh. I'm sure it may be different if it were my own, but other people's kids...
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