A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Im curious to find out others opinions on this. Would you spent a considerable amount of money (over $400) on a birthday present for your boyfriend, if he did not get you anything for your birthday? (birthdays are few months apart). I know it isn't always about receiving something, but my boyfriend has been telling me for months what he wants me to get him - knowing that money is tight, yet he didn't get me anything.
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reader, anonymous, writes (31 March 2012): I would get him a sack to put his chothing in, a bus ticket and a kick in the A$$ and tell him to get the Heck away from me. He's just using you, he should be ashamed of himself telling you what he want and get you nothing, do not buy his jack squart.
A
female
reader, peacelovecandy +, writes (31 March 2012):
 It depends why he didn't buy YOU a present! For Christmas, my boyfriend bought me an older Xbox 360 and my money was extremely tight. I still got him a present but it was about 1/3 the price he paid. Your boyfriend could have at least made you something from the heart. It's still very considerate of you though.
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female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (30 March 2012):
 I think one thing needs to be clarified:
WHY did your boyfriend not get you anything? Were there any particular reasons, or was he just not bothered enough? Did he congratulate you, did he do something for you other than give a physical gift?
I've taken people on experiences rather than hand them a gift. Such as taking my brother on vacation, or getting concert tickets. Or given cards which said I donated money to charity instead of giving them something (and there being a real donation).
Or just given a card and some nice words. But did your boyfriend do absolutely NOTHING at all? And if so, what was is excuse/reason?
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reader, anonymous, writes (30 March 2012): I would get him exactly what he got me, a big fat nothing.
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female
reader, PerhapsNot +, writes (30 March 2012):
 Your boyfriend has no shame and no character.
1. He didn't get you anything for your birthday.
2. He is demanding a $400 dollar gift from you knowing you cannot afford it.
This isn't about money. This is about his lack of consideration and who he is as a person. He is OK with doing nothing for you, yet at the same time he is perfectly OK telling you what he wants and expects. It's all about him. There is no sense of generosity or thoughtfulness on his end. You'd think after not getting you anything for your birthday, he would make it up to you in some way and he wouldn't dare mention what he wants for his birthday, knowing he didn't get anything for you. He is selfish and if you get him anything, he will continue behaving like this. No consequences = no change.
Give him nothing. Then ask him how he likes not receiving anything on his birthday.
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female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (30 March 2012):
 NOT if money is tight...
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female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (30 March 2012):
 No, I wouldn't. I would get him a sweet card and maybe a gift card to a restaurant or (if he has a hobby) hobby/DIY store, but most likely no more then $50-75.
Just because he WANTS something doesn't mean YOU have to BUY it for him.
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female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (30 March 2012):
 I agree that it seems very unbalanced. Zero from him but he expects a $400 gift from a financially strapped girlfriend? Hm. That would seem to lead to other questions...
Ah well, how about this idea: you spend $50 on something for the two of you, like a gift certificate to his and your favorite restaurant or a BBQ cooking class? This way, he gets a gift, and the two of you get a shared experience.
I personally would have a heart-to-heart about realistic expectations about birthday celebrations and gifting. Just a frank, honest, open, loving and gentle discussion. It sounds long overdue.
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female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (30 March 2012):
 Uhm...honestly ? Probably not. I pride of counting generousity among my very few virtues, and of never giving so I can get back; if I give , it's for the pleasure of giving, so I should say yes. But...
But, from 0 to 400 there is a big distance, not only in money ,but psychologically. 400 is a big stretch for the average pocket, and a humongous stretch for the empty pocket of when money is tight. A big,big effort. 0 is ...zero effort, very convenient and self serving.
So I think the whole dynamics gets too be too dramatically unbalanced . It would have been different if he had done at least a token effort, a 20 bucks gift, a 10 bucks gift- at least he would have TRIED to do something nice for you, and shown his care by inconveniencing himself a little bit.
But, zero effort at all... and he expects you to bend over backwards to get him what he wants ? Then no, ( unless of course you are incomparably richer than him, but if it were so I doubt you'd have posted ). There's too much difference, again, not in money per se, but in how much each of you cares about making the other happy.
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reader, chigirl +, writes (30 March 2012):
A gift is not something to be expected. So your boyfriend is really out of line telling you what you should get him, especially seeing as it is an expensive thing!
I probably wouldn't mind spending that much money on a gift, even if I got nothing for my birthday, as long as I could afford it. But I wouldn't do it just to accommodate him seeing as he's been "telling me for months" what he wants. That sounds to me like a child in a toy store.
If money is tight then you get something within your budget. Regardless of what he gave you. He could have given you a car, but if you can't afford much then you buy him something within your budget. Like I just said in another post on here, relationships are not give and take and tit for tat. You don't give someone a gift only to expect something grand for yourself.
But in this case, it comes down to money. If you can't afford it you can't afford it, simple as that.
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female
reader, Eyespy17 +, writes (30 March 2012):
Why didn't he get you a present? Did he say? Did you ask?
I would not spend $400 on someone who didn't take the time to get me a present - and yet is being vocal about what he specifically wants?! Big turnoff
It's not about the $$ , but a reflection of how I'd think he feels about me.
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reader, anonymous, writes (30 March 2012): If he didn't get you anything I wouldn't get him anything on principle!
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reader, Beccccccy  +, writes (30 March 2012):
 Well , Its not very nice of him I must say ..But to be honest , you cant give some awesome gift with a Condition on it . eg : I gave you this , so you have to get me that .
I think the honest answer is You spent to much on him . If you are still together next year ..Just give him a Card ..With Love .
Then see what happens .
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reader, anonymous, writes (30 March 2012): Yea you dont want to go spending money you dont have just to please him. Money is tight for us too and i spent 300bux on his bday took him to a hot spring and out 4 dinner. It was my entire paycheck since i only worked part time. I worked rly hard to save 4 it and get our bills paid early so we could go. Yet when my birthday came around he forgot. Then remembered half way thru the day and had me pick out a cake. That was it though. So trust me dont make my mistake. This yr im throwing him a surprise party but my budget is going to be less than a quarter of what i spent last yr. Im not going out of my means or far out of my way because he rly didnt appreciate it last time.
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reader, Aunty Susie +, writes (30 March 2012):
 If money is tight, there's your answer. $400 is a lot of money. Maybe he should be buying this thing that he wants, himself. It's not about who gives what, and when. If you are a gift giving girl, the get him a gift that you can afford, and that you want to give.
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