A
male
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:I broke up with my girlfriend about 3 months ago because I felt she was not loyal to me. She wanted to spend a lot of time with her three times ex boyfriend whom she claimed they are just friends. She was also spending a lot of time with another male friend always excluding me. A few days after the breakup she and her male friend became a couple. I guess it did not last very long, so she contacted me yesterday wanting to hang out with me.I still have feelings for her, but knowing how unfaithful and disrespectful she was towards me, would it be dignified of me to have her in my life as a friend?I guess my question is, would you remain friends with an ex who was unfaithful and disrespectful towards you?
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female
reader, RedAthena +, writes (22 July 2011):
 I was in your shoes about 6 mos ago. The man I was dating for 6 mos told me he forgot that he made plans with a friend the weekend we were supposed to go out.
Then it came out that she was his ex gf that just recently became available again.
Then it came out they were spending the night somewhere, but only as friends.
Then it came out that he was only sleeping with ME, so what did it matter?
Then I gave him his walking papers and he was pissed:)
I thought for a little while we COULD be friends, but then it dawned on me (while I was mending my heart) that he would never make a good friend because he could not be trusthworthy or very honest.
I never knew where I stood and I decided that i did not want to be one of those "just friends" in the future that caused some other girl confusion. I just removed myself from his dysfunctional life entirely. No ultimatums. No fights. I just told him, "I do not want to date you anymore and I do not think you are good in my life as a friend either."
Yes, it hurt. But, it would have hurt in the long run MORE.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (22 July 2011): Hi, I'm the OP.
Wow, everyone is on the same page. I too was feeling the same and now I am charged up. I sent her an email and told her I cannot be friends with her because of the reasons you all pointed out. I just felt I needed to tell her that. It is very hurtful being cheated on.
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A
female
reader, iloveblue  +, writes (22 July 2011):
 If it was a mutual decision to break up bcoz you are not compatible or that you have different perspectives in life, yes, it is not that a bad idea to be friends with your ex. But then, not right after the break-up. A few months of no contact or until you feel you've moved on is still recommended.
But with someone who cheated on you and saw a bunch of other guys? You are better off erasing this woman in your life. And please do not believe in exes who have a history of cheating when they say they just want to be friends. They just want to use you as they believe you can allow them to, they grab that opportunity as you are weak with them and take this to their advantage.
I'd say, this is your opportunity to dump her. She does not deserve a chance of friendship with you. You were kind to her and what did she give you back? Stay away from her as far as you can.
Good luck.
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A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (22 July 2011):
 No. Generally speaking, unfaithful and disrespectful people make also unfaithful and disrespectful friends and sooner or later she would betray your friendship same as she betrayed your relationship.
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A
male
reader, Tom Obler  +, writes (22 July 2011):
 No sir! Absolutely not. You are being badly respected here. You need to immediately cut all contact here and never ever acknowledge. Think about it, she saw this guy and that guy and showed you no respect. So, in answer to your question, I would have erased her out of my life now. And, I would never connect with her again.
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A
male
reader, serenity80 +, writes (22 July 2011):
When I read this, I thought it was coming from a young teen. That's because it sounded like she was acting one, and that you were writing with no experience in life and relationships. Personally I think people throw the word 'friend' around far too easily. Can she be a friend? it doesn't sound like she has treated you very well. Maybe your time would be better spent on true friends.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (22 July 2011): You do not need this girl in your life. She wasn't a good girlfriend, and I doubt she's going to be much better as 'just a friend' when she is clearly stringing other guys along in the same way as well. naturally you still have feelings for her because you were committed to the relationship, but she clearly wasn't. I don't know all the circumstances around the issue, but it does seem a little undignified for you to be friends with her now.
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A
female
reader, VSAddict +, writes (22 July 2011):
 Since you still have feelings for her, it really wouldn't be the best idea to hang out with her. If she had no respect and love for you as an ex, what makes you think she'll be a good friend? Some people like that can manage to be friends with their exes. But even if you're friends or more than friends, you should always have respect for that person. I don't think it's a good idea because she never had enough respect for you in the first place.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (22 July 2011): No i wouldn't bother trying to be friends with anyone that was unfaithful and disrespectful. Who needs that?
She obviously has a lot of baggage and a bad habit of revisiting relationships with ex partners. She wants to add you to that list by the sound of things. So do be cautious if you still have feelings for her because you could be setting yourself up for another fall.
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A
male
reader, Dodds  +, writes (22 July 2011):
 Actions speak louder than words!Her actions clearly showed that she didnt respect you and that she wasn't that into youInstead of seeking ways to make the relationship work,to make it better,she opted to fulfill those needs outside of the confines of what the two of you hadFrom what you write here,its clear she probably never fully got over her ex,n she was just keeping you around as a safety netDays after your break up and her hooking up with the other guy says alot about her,and the fact that she tried to get with you after rough patches hit her new relationshp clearly indicate that she is not the type of girl a well adjusted man would want to get into a long term relationshp withFine you may still feel something for her,but would you honestly still want to be in a relationship with her regardless of the negative drama it brings to your life?I THINK NOT!!!Now to your question,i think it all depends on the circumstances leading to the break up...the break up itself...and the aftermathFor your case,i would cut all ties n try to move on and look for the kind of woman who genuinely likes and respects me...and makes me happy too!!
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