A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Please help me people. I'm 4 months pregnant and this whole time I've been up and down. But lately I'm really feeling resentful to this thing in my stomach and don't know what to do. I'm not with the father we really can't stand each other. That's fine though. I feel useless to people and feel like ill never be cared for by anyone again in that way because ill be a mom. I can't attach to the child in me it seems like and I'm trying so hard to love it, its very frustrating and very embarrassing....I feel like I'm going to be a horrible future mom...please help.Thanks. Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (23 July 2011):
 Excellent suggestion by Marieclaire, and don't put pressure on yourself trying to bond by a set date. It just happens, some times at birth, or after 3 months ,or 6... I don't know when. It just happens. One day, you are just there changing his/her diaper, and you are tired, bored, and amazed that such a tiny body can produce enough poop for an elephant circus.... and you catch his stare and all of a sudden you think " Guess what. I could easily KILL for you, if I had to ".
Take care of your health, let things happen naturally and...expect the unexpected :).
A
reader, anonymous, writes (23 July 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI hope I fall in love with him/her when its born. Maybe its because I'm having baby father issues and life issues I'm not sure. I'm not an experienced mother so I have no idea how I will react when the day comes. But thank you all so much. I will try to bond before then.
...............................
A
female
reader, misztoria +, writes (22 July 2011):
 I didn't feel a real connection carrying my son until the moment he first kicked. Try not to over think it because becoming a mother is instinctive and you will get the hang of it when you allow yourself to let go of any negative feelings. It may take awhile, but I'm sure you will be fine and you'll look back and laugh in the future. Hormones are a powerful thing and this probably isn't helping how you already feel, but best of luck and hang in there!
...............................
A
female
reader, CindyCares +, writes (22 July 2011):
Honey , welcome to the wonderful world of pregnancy :) What you feel may be scary but it's far from unusual. Your hormons are all over the place, you are young and inexperienced and worried, you are a single mom, maybe you don't feel too well and have morning sickness or other physical complaints...don't think it's authomatic to establish a bond with your baby in these conditions.
Look, I had a bad pregnancy,- lived mostly on my own because my husband was abroad for work - and I became so frustrated and dejected with all the symptoms and the moods and the problems , that not only I felt just like you, but I was also very vocal about my doubts and complaints, totally scaring my family and friends- they looked at me silently astonished, clearly thinking " Oh Gosh this is gonna be the bitch-mother from hell ".
It turned out I wasn't. I don't know if I have been the best mom there could be , but at least I have been the very best that I could be. A fiercely protective, passionate mom .My son is a young man now... and we bicker all day long because we have different personalities - and yet... he just is a piece of my heart and of my soul , as I am of his .
It will be the very same for you.
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (22 July 2011): Please don't fret, how you feel is 100% normal. I was the same with my first pregnancy. Try not to over think things and just get on with day to day life. It is not a 'thing' it is your baby. And it is in your womb not your stomach unless you have eaten it :)Get busy with life and preparing for your baby. The less time you spend dwelling on things and feeling useless the better off you will be. You can't force love, it will arrive in its own good time!Bonding with baby doesn't always happen overnight. It takes time but i promise you, you will get there. I didn't bond with my first child until he was a week old! I'd heard all about this bonding thing and worried myself silly because i didn't 'feel the bond' but it comes along all in good time. It happens at different times for every mother. When it does occur it will knock your socks off and you will fall in love like never before. Its great. As for not finding someone. Of course you will! Loads of people have children and they still meet and fall in love all the time. Everything will be fine x
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (22 July 2011): Yeah, like the person below me said, LOTS of mothers expierience this...it might be due to stress, strain or irregular food habits. Have you considered talking to your OB/GYN about this? This might be a result of certain hormonal disbalances as well.
Wait until the delivery....and then see whether the situation changes or not.It will, probably.
...............................
A
male
reader, C. Grant  +, writes (22 July 2011):
 Hon, I can't tell you from first-hand experience, but I know lots of gals who've had babies, and what you're feeling is very common. You're at the point where all you're doing is giving -- you're creating a child, it's making your life difficult, and you're getting nothing at all in return. Hang in there -- you're doing something that's very wonderful. There will be men in your future who are willing (and happy) to be in your life. And one day your child will give back to you -- a great deal of love. You may not feel attached to the child while it's inside of you, but things will be very different once it emerges.
...............................
|
