A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Is it better to be alone or in a relationship with someone who has betrayed you in the past by cheating, and who continues to lie about having been faithful and committed throughout the relationship? Is it true that what you don't know, can't really hurt you? Is it really OK to be living a lie, due to your partner's lies, if you don't know it's a lie? Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (16 March 2011): Tell your partner the truth about your cheating and let them get on with their life.
If you keep it a secret it's just for your own selfish reasons, end of story.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (16 March 2011): I'd rather be single.
If you even have an inkling that your significant other is cheating on you or has cheated on you, it can really eat away at you AND your relationship.
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A
female
reader, mystiquek +, writes (15 March 2011):
 I'd rather be single. And looking at it from another point of view....what you dont know CAN hurt you! What if your partner catches a sexual disease? Or the HIV virus?? Of course its better to know than to walk around with rose colored glasses on. I know of women who look the other way when their partner is cheating, but its not very wise. You're much better off with someone who is honest, and you can trust, and you don't need to wonder if they are lying or cheating. You deserve that.
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A
female
reader, superbunny  +, writes (15 March 2011):
 Single. Hands down. If you can't trust what they say, be it lies or the truth, then there is 100% no point in a relationship. Overthinking and dwelling on things will lead to unhappiness and the break down of the relationship anyway.
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A
female
reader, muso888 +, writes (15 March 2011):
Definately single. Even though TECHNICALLY what you don't know can't hurt you, the truth ALWAYS comes out. And then it will hurt like hell...
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A
female
reader, largentsgirl89 +, writes (15 March 2011):
 In a healthy relationship there is no room for lies. None. Complete honesty and communication.
I would rather be single than to spend my time and energy into a relationship with someone that is cheating and/or lying when I could be investing my time into a relationship where a guy would respect and love me the way I deserve.
Find out if they are lying.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (15 March 2011): I'd rather be single then be in a relationship based on lies.
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A
female
reader, Justtryingtohelp +, writes (15 March 2011):
 If you really believe you're mentally capable to stay in that sort of relationship, only you know the answer.
I wouldn't agree with what you don't know won't hurt you, considering what if you end up with a sexually transmitted infection?
As one other answerer said though, it seems you do know.
I personally would say it's better to be alone, there would be no suspicion in your mind as to whether someone is unfaithful to you.
I recommend you move on, you deserve someone who is as devoted to you, as you are to them.
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A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (15 March 2011):
 It's not morally correct no, but what you don't know truly doesn't hurt you. It's not right by any means, but it's true.
However it appears you do know. Once you do know it is a lie it is best to be single and be with someone who respects you enough to not spin webs of lies around you.
But then again, some people do not value honesty as the most important thing. Perhaps the liar provides them with stability and security, and needs they have, to fulfill them and make them happy even though.
Like a friend of mine told me: it's all a matter of finding the one person who's bullshit is worth putting up with.
Lies do tend to fall into the category of bullshit not worth putting up with though.
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy +, writes (15 March 2011):
I would rather be single, and try to find someone else.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (15 March 2011): personally i think you are better off without them.
why would you put yourself through all the pain this person has caused you with their lies when there is bound to be some other person out there in this world who will love you and treat you alot better than this partner of yours really does.
i dont think its true what they say "what you dont know wont hurt you" because you will always have that little voice in the back of your head asking yourself if he/she is cheating or with someone else or is lying. would it not be better to find that some one special who you know deep in your heart would rather die than cheat on you than to live with the constant questioning?
hope this helped :)
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A
male
reader, Odds +, writes (15 March 2011):
 In the strictly hypothetical sense...
If you believe in subjective morality, then what you don't know really can't hurt you. You're happy, so everything is good. If you're a normal, well-adjusted person who believes in objective morality, then what is happening to you is wrong and you deserve to be free of it, even if you don't know - which means it's better to be single.
Obviously that's a bit of a simplification, but that's necessary with a hypothetical that is so strictly binary.
However, I don't think such a clear-cut situation could exist in reality. Someone who is willing to cheat and lie about it is not going to be perfect in every other sense. If they can justify big lies, they can justify small ones. They would be the kind of person willing to betray someone they profess to love for personal gain. This would hurt in innumerable small ways, ultimately damaging the relationship.
That's in addition to cheating and lying being wrong in and of themselves, before their effects are even considered.
Additionally, the choice is rarely to be single vs. being with a cheater. The third option - move on and date a decent person - always exists, even if it's an unattractive option.
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