A
male
age
41-50,
*illyfox
writes:I suppose this is more a question than seeking advise but as a person that is transgender I am curious to know how people really view someone like me. I'm female born in a male body. I've never known anyone els like me and friends from my youth put up with it more than accepted it. I want to stop hiding but am so afraid of being made fun of or beaten up (that's has happened) not that it matters but I'm in peak physical condition and do have many feminin characteristics. Basically asking anyone what you would think if you met someone like me. Please be honest I mean don't just make me feel good really answer the question. Would you feel uneasy? Would you be willing to be friends with a transgender? Btw I'm not flamboyant lol just sorta normal as far as I can be. Reply to this Question
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female
reader, laurajayncoco  +, writes (9 December 2011):
 I would be friends with a transgender I think its a shame that there's people out there who wouuld beat some one up for just being themselves don't hode that beautiful personality ffor the sake of other mindless people x
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female
reader, Tyedyedturtle +, writes (8 December 2011):
 No problem! You seem lovely and I'm sure you'll have no problem making friends (or developing closer bonds). Just get out there and rock it! ;-)
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female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (7 December 2011):
 Just pop by a hello if you want, hehe. I guess you have more potential to be a friend than you thought you had!
And if all else fails, us Northern-Norwegians are open and warm hearted, and SoVeryConfused, many of my friends do play board-games, lol! Maybe that's the connection, board-gamers are friendly and inviting people!
The trick to getting close with others is to open up and dare to share of yourself with them. Inviting them in, and taking that risk. Only then will you know if they can open up to you as well, and become a good friend. Spend time with people to get a picture of how trustworthy they are, and then open up a bit and share something with them about yourself. That way you are inviting people close, and then you wait and see if they in return open up to you as well. Give people time, it is scary to open up and let someone in, everyone thinks it is scary. Some friends turn out not to be true friends, and you end up having to let them go, but others stay a life-time and become family.
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male
reader, lillyfox +, writes (7 December 2011):
lillyfox is verified as being by the original poster of the questionWow, thank you so much for all of your very honest answers! I hope I can find people like you girls off line. I hope some of you will say hello as you all seem very genuine and interesting. The reason I'm asking these questions is not because I don't have friends but because I'm not close to anyone. Truth is most people I know are familiar strangers. It gets lonely I suppose, going through life like that. I guess I want to test the waters to see if I can safely find good friends. I know I'm my worst enemy because I'm a big wimp but at 34 its time to live a little more and hide a little less. Thanx again so very much for taking the time to respond you are all so awesome!!! -Lilly-
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female
reader, Candid Cally +, writes (7 December 2011):
Whether someone is transgender (passable or not) has absolutely nothing to do with whether I would or wouldn't consider a person a friend.
I'm willing to be friends with anyone as long as they are a good, honest, easygoing person who genuinely cares about others.
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female
reader, Shadow Rose +, writes (7 December 2011):
 I would be friends with anyone, lesbian, gay, straight, bi, trannsexual, transgender, transvestite, male, female, black, white, puerto rican, anything and everythning is fair game in terms of friendship, in my book.
It's not about the outside, or that your outside doesn't match your insides, it's about you as a person.
So yeah, I'd be friends with a transgender, best friends, even, if we had a lot in common and I felt a closer bond to them :)
(Btw, I'm 18, and I have a group of friends that would say the same thing, ranging from ages 14-18)
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female
reader, Gabrielle Stoker +, writes (7 December 2011):
 Oh I'd love it (if you didn't mind me occassionally lusting over you if you were a pre-op) - I rather like transgenders.
Most grown-up people would not have any problems with it, but I wouldn't speak for small-town America.
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female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (7 December 2011):
 Wouldn't matter to me. I don't fully understand it, but there are many things I don't understand when it comes to human behavior.
If you are a good person I'm going to treat you like that, regardless of your gender.
Growing up I had a few gay friends and honestly I never really thought of them any differently then all my straight friends.
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female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (7 December 2011):
 “friends from my youth put up with it more than accepted it” well yeah… they were young and it’s hard to understand this issue as a youngster… hopefully as you have matured so have your friends…..
I just was at a game con earlier this month and out of 335 people two were transgendered M2F one post op one very early on…. EVERYONE in our community is fine with it… The pre-op was a bit interesting and was talked about but just in terms of us figuring out if the person was dressing up or actually transgender… but totally accepted and loved where they are in their process. Just like our community accepts poly couples, lesbians, gays and bisexuals. My own situation is also totally accepted. At one point I was sitting at a table with my soon to be ex-husband on one side holding my hand and his girlfriend’s hand on the other side and my fiancé next to me… I think it’s just a question of finding the right friends…
I would be delighted if you live in our area to welcome you to our gaming community… Boardgamers are some of the most interesting, bright, and ACCEPTING folks that I know…..
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reader, anonymous, writes (7 December 2011): Peoples gender, sexuality etc. don't have an effect on their potential as friend to me. In my experience those things are the least interesting thing about a person anyway. It's as normal to me as any other man or woman just as long as a person doesn't expect me to give them special treatment based on their race, gender or sexuality then we'll get along fine.
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female
reader, AuntDaisy +, writes (7 December 2011):
 I think a majority of people, i.e. the reasonable, level-headed majority would be totally fine with it. Myself included. You're a human being, and you feel as if you were born in the wrong body and are doing something about it. Good for you.
Although i'm sure a lot of people would agree with me in saying they wouldn't care if you were male, female, etc i'm sure you've experienced some negative opinions and downright nastiness.
As everyone here is saying, as long as you're a nice person and you seem to be, then you won't have a problem :)
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female
reader, chigirl +, writes (7 December 2011):
If you and I got along as individuals then it wouldn't be a problem. But then again I love talking to unique and interesting people and are bored with those who lead "normal" lives. My friends all have their little quirks and stand out in a crowd.
To be honest, if you don't mind me joking about this a bit, I've always wondered what it'd be like to be a guy, and have a penis. So much fun to play with! I know boobs are great too, but a penis is easier to achieve pleasure with than a clitoris. So I think, even if you are a female in a male body, put that body to good use. It's your body after all, and there are tons of fun things you can do with it. Are you attracted to women or men?
You know the game "if you could be a man for one day what would you do"? I don't see why being in a male body for one life means something negative. It gives you, as a woman, a very unique perspective! It'd be quite interesting to have discussion about things, as you can see things from a whole different angle.
I think as spirits, if you are semi-religious, we do not have genders. Then we explore genders when we are born. Maybe you have been a woman for some time before, and then life decided this time around you should try being a male. I believe there is a reason behind why we are born where we are born, and into the gender and family that we have. We learn from it. There is a point to it.
You would be a curiosity for a while in my group of friends, but only for a while. If you have the personality and character to stay interesting and are a good friend, then you'd be included and welcomed. This special fact about you is only one part of you. Several of my friends, like I said, are the "odd one out", and have suffered through difficulties. But those difficulties, or quirks, are only one part of them, and certainly not the most talked about or always most interesting part.
I think you just need to find friends that are like you. Not transgender, but "out of the box" and who knows what it's like to be out of the "normal". People like that have a higher acceptance of others who are just as quirky as them, because in a way it is a similarity, and people in general enjoy the company of those they feel they share something with. I know I am anyway, I am drawn towards those who don't fit the "normal" mold, and who shy away from the standard and go their own ways. I feel I can much easier communicate with those who stand out, than with those who try to "blend in" and be "normal".
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reader, Miamine +, writes (7 December 2011):
 Hi Lilly,
I remember you, of course I got no problems being friends with a transgender person. Here in the UK, I see them transvestites all the time, in my case it's hard to make friends, they seem to have tons of friends of their own. People stare, but it's usually with admiration, because they seem to have so much confidence and don't really care what people think. Guess those are just transvestites people who dress fancy but are not trapped in the wrong body. But other transgendered people don't need to hide away, and are accepted from the first day the come out and change their names, they are more than accepted, they are welcomed for their honesty. In the work place, at school, it's really not a big issue. And there are laws to prevent discrimination. Of course they get lots of questions, because they are different, and people are curious, about their experiences and their feelings.
In the UK, we have a famous rich model called "Jordan", she was dating a cage fighter (tough guy) called "Alex Reid". Neither of them were popular, because she'd left a very nice husband and treated him badly. All that changed, when pictures appeared of Alex wearing makeup and a school girls dress appeared in the paper. Not one single person here said anything bad about him, everyone was supportive about his right to do what he wanted. However many people were very angry about somebody breaking his privacy. They got more angry when Jordon started to exploit his cross dressing for her own reasons. They did another picture for the papers, and her ex-boyfriend, and her brother dressed up to stand beside him and support him, to say there is no problem.
Alex went on to win a reality show, the public voted him number one, not because of the cross dressing, but because he seemed a nice person. The USA is probably the same, but I'm not sure about the smaller cities and towns, they are always more traditional and conservative.
Here in the UK everywhere, transgender is not an issue at all, it's just another way people choose to live their lives. But people are sensitive and know it might be difficult for the person who has to live like that, so they can be free and at peace.
After my next door neighbour died we found out that she was legally a man and had lived with her husband for 40years. I must admit I laughed, not because of the transgender, but because nobody knew and we all were fooled. Then I felt so sad, no need to hide that and keep it a secret, we was all friendly, nobody would have judged or made life uncomfortable for her at all. Then I laughed at my own arrogance, good for her I said, why should it be my business, she was what she wanted to portray, and that's the way I knew her, and whatever she was born as, was not for me to know.
I know I've mixed up the terms a bit, but again, that's because of my ignorance, we don't mean to offend, but a lot of the time we just don't understand.
Good luck lilly, I'm sorry your frightened and your alone with all of this.. *big, big hugs*
PS: Now I am angry... grrrr.. transgender is not even in the bloody online spelling dictionary.. that's disgusting.
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female
reader, bluecow +, writes (7 December 2011):
 I HAVE met people like you. At an old place of work (finance - eek!), I organised a small finance package for a woman about to complete her journey with some facial surgery... we are still friends now. She shared some of her most personal information with me, and it did come as a bit of a shock (it was 1998) to start but she was such a lovely lady it would have been impossible not to make friends.
After word got around her community I organised many similar packages for people at various stages of their gender change path.
Just because you were born in the wrong body doesnt make you any less lovable than the next person. What you will realise is that those who cannot get past the physical appearance or mentally accept the gender change are not the people you need or want in your life.
For some people, they cannot simply get away from the fact that many transgender people may have a slightly different appearance or voice compared to people who were born in the right body. Thats their loss.
There are plenty of friends out there for you, plenty of support AND love. My friend got married 3 years ago (to a beautiful lady), and they are now long term fostering (with view to adopt) a little boy with treacher collins syndrome. They are a beautiful family, and she couldnt be happier.
I wish you all the best. Its a VERY brave step you are taking and I have nothing but admiration for you. It takes a huge amount of courage to not only admit you were born in the wrong body but to actually act on it.
Good luck xx
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female
reader, Starlights +, writes (7 December 2011):
 Hi there,
Your very brave in pursuing the "life" you want to be as like you say alot of people have misconceptions.
I have met a transgender before at my old workplace. He was 45 and he was going through the process of becoming female. Of course the whole office knew and could not understand but they allowed him/her to be (it was work anyway).
I was curious not uneasy seeing them. I befrended this person and asked them how it was like for them living this life now.
NEEDLESS to say they told me it was tough living a fake life, they even got married and had kids before they eventually pursued becoming a female fully. It was a long process but finally they were content with who they were.
For me personally it does not matter whatever you are or whatever shape you happen to be.
It matters only that you have a good heart and good intentions then I will respect you.
For those that bully and ridicule you, they dont understand and come from a place of FEAR.
I hope this helps!
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female
reader, Claraw1  +, writes (7 December 2011):
 I have been friends with someone who was transgender and I was completely comfortable with her. I say was because sadly she passed away in an accident. I was proud to be her friend, and I miss her greatly. For me it never mattered at all, She was a beautiful person and that is all that mattered.
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female
reader, Tyedyedturtle +, writes (7 December 2011):
I would see you as a human being and accept you without issue. The only thing that would ever dissuade me from befriending you is the quality of your character, not your gender or sexual preference. If you are a genuine and kind individual, I would accept you with open arms! I would be curious about the situation you're in and the journey you have embarked on to become the true you. I might have a few questions once we become more intimately acquainted, but I would be respectful of you! You are a beautiful and valuable person who deserves happiness. I hope you make the choice to express yourself in a way that makes you feel whole and happy. Best of luck!!! :-)
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (7 December 2011): I'm 29 and female. Yeah no problem at all... I'm a nurse and work with gay male nurses and some that dress up as girls (I'm not close enough to ask them questions). Weather it gay, transgendered, lesbian it doesn't matter to me. In all honesty I don't know too many educated big city people that would have serious issues about it. Times are changing.
Have you thought about moving to a bigger city? NYC or San Fran? People are tolerant of differences & you"ll find plenty if people in the sane boat.
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female
reader, sammy621aa  +, writes (7 December 2011):
the people who dis you are honestly mean people they should learn to accept you for your personality not your looks nelieve me i get bullied heaps just because i have a different body shape people think is normal. so they should just respect you for what you are not for something that you are not and just remember if you dont love yourself noone will love you. its ok to be different. :)
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reader, anonymous, writes (7 December 2011): To be honest, I don't get it. I really don't. So yes, I would be uncomfortable.
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