A
female
age
41-50,
*eidos
writes:I have a problem, its a seems a small problem in comparison to a lot of problems in this world, but if anyone can help me I would be very grateful!My issue is I cant seem to let go! of issues that have caused me grief and pain and anger. For example, There was a friend of my partner (now we dont see her) who caused a lot of rubbish with us and me when I first moved in with my partner (I was pregnant at the time and we were new as a couple) so a lot of adjusting was taking place - this friend of my partner immediately expected and assumed that we would be best buddies - and as soon as i moved in with him, started encrouching on our daily life (mainly my daily life). She was trying to make it her life also. It was obvious to me that she was just trying to keep it the way she wanted it by staying close to me (she wasnt really interested in being friends) she just wanted it to be the same as it was before. She was very emotionally dependant on my partner before I got together with him and would have him at her house a lot, helping with her kids and fixing things around the house, a user of sorts. Her partner was lazy and emotionally absent so he was a big help to her. This all sounds like an episode from hillbilly tv I know! So i started distancing myself from her, politely declining her invitations and never being available to her until just recently it all came to a head and she became nasty and slandered all over social networking sites about me. My partner immediately pulled her into line, she realised she did wrong but never apologised for her behaviour. I havent seen her since my baby was born and that was 7 months ago. I am haunted by running into her and just dont want to see her or have anything to do with her again. Why cant I just let it all go? It all seems really petty but I have held onto this for so long and I cant seem to let it pass over me! I am still talking about it to friends, new and old and nobody seems to understand. No matter how much offloading I seem to do about it it just never goes away! Can someone suggest some ways of how I might be able to let the past go and just forget that it all happened? I still dont want to be friends with this woman but I would just like to be at peace with it in my own mind. Any thoughts or suggestions will be appreciated. Thanks!
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reader, anonymous, writes (7 December 2011): By constantly talking about her you are keeping the past in the present. Just top talking about her, she's not worth your time and others will think your barmy and obsessive.
I know she was around as you started out with your new life and clearly ended up bitter and vindictive, but that was then and now you should just feel sorry for her. Your partner was supportive so you weren't alone with the problem.
Forgive her in your head and let it go now.You have a new baby and a good relationship,count your blessings x
A
female
reader, heidos +, writes (7 December 2011):
heidos is verified as being by the original poster of the question Thanks to you both - the main issue is me and the fact that I am finding it tough to let go. I would love to learn of some skills to enable me to let all this negative rubbish go! I am very pent up with anger and frustration and its not helping me in any way, shape or form.
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A
female
reader, Mariab  +, writes (7 December 2011):
 Sometimes when people hurt us deeply, its difficult to understand and to forgive. Perhaps the problem here is forgiveness. You have to find a way to forgive her - this doesn't mean that you are ok with what she did. I read a quote somewhere that “To forgive is to set a prisoner free and discover that the prisoner was you.” Lewis B. Smedes.
It is not worth it for yourself to constantly fill your mind with the negativity caused by this woman (or any other person for that matter). You have to look at yourself and work on YOU! Perhaps there is a deeper reason that fills you with hatred/anger for her? Stop talking about her to people you meet and concerntrate on forgiving and eventually letting go. Good luck xx
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A
female
reader, Starlights +, writes (7 December 2011):
 You need to let the past go... your mind is reliving the events of yesterday as its still existing today: IT IS NOT SHE HAS GONE and you need to keep telling yourself that until the negative thoughts surrounding her leaves you.
IT will go but it will take time and you need to make a willing intent to yourself that you refuse to let your mind be taken up by thoughts and fears surrounding her.
Also what can help is understanding this other lady's motivating behaviours.
She could have been going through a bad period in her life and latched onto your partner for comfort and strength.
It helps to feel what it was like in her shoes before you judge her. This makes you understand why she behaved in the way she did, whether it was good actions or not really does not matter NOW.
Its the past let it go.
If you need techniques on how to let go in detail then email me i will be happy to help.
I've had to deal with similar issues so i can understand how tough it can be to rewire your mind up again ;)
But it is worth it for your own sanity.
Hope this helps!
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